This Week in Milford

October 24, 2014

60 pounds of pure speed

Filed under: Gil Thorp — robmize2013 @ 10:46 am

So the reason for True’s quick exit from the pizza party was to tell Gil about Max Ortiz. Who is Max Ortiz you say? Ask and you shall receive:

From his headshot he appears to weigh way more then 60 pounds, and he also knows how to control artificial limbs, suggesting his own limbs may only weigh 60 pounds, but goshdarnit those fake ones are what enable him to stretch out and catch those bombs, and also to fly down the field at supernatural speeds past any defense.

Again, the players tell Gil about good players rather then vice-versa, and I love how True is upsetting the applecart by promoting a player at the position Gil has in mind for Jarrod. I know you cant have too many good players with football being the way it is and such, but there’s only 1 ball, and only so many players can handle the ball. I suppose Jarrod can be the possession receiver and Max the deep threat, but we’re getting way ahead of ourselves.
The basic question is how on earth a 60 pound high schooler makes the JV football team, let alone get PROMOTED to the varsity in a New York minute. I last weighed 60 pounds in 4th grade, was up to 100 by high school, and put on 50 in four years, so I was twice Max’s size by his age, and I was still fairly thin even then being tall. Remember Ira ‘Brick’ House? How much did he weigh? And his football career was cut short by being run over by Bigger players. But he was useful by suggesting plays to Gil (inmates running the asylum, see my post from a few weeks back) So please answer that one for me, and one other thing: All else being equal, True needs to bring the ball down, or Max will need a full-body cast from getting drilled in the backside.



  1. P-2, the JV coach does not want to lose his star receiver, so he poo-poos Ortez’ skill…..
    P-3 Ortiz looks about 2 inches taller than central’s # 7….and he seems to have disproportionately long legs…
    Maybe JV coach can be consoled by getting Jarrod in return for Ortiz…..

    Comment by Rowdyman — October 24, 2014 @ 11:17 am

  2. As always, Sleeveless Steve focuses on weight.

    Comment by Downpuppy (@Downpuppy) — October 24, 2014 @ 12:52 pm

  3. DeSean Jackson weighs somewhere between 160 and 170lbs in his mid-20s depending on who’s asking and he’s a three-time Pro Bowler (who should still be an Eagle, DAMMIT).

    Incidentally, I thought the book on Jarroo was that he was a mediocre athlete but a “great” leader? That sounds more like a fullback or a safety often seen flailing desperately behind more talented players.

    Comment by Tracer Bullet — October 24, 2014 @ 1:01 pm

  4. I’m sure “60 pounds” is a bit of hyperbole, but not as much as “breaks free, deep!”

    Comment by teenchy — October 24, 2014 @ 1:35 pm

  5. Also, P2 Gil is looking a little like Jerry Lewis in profile.

    Comment by teenchy — October 24, 2014 @ 2:11 pm

  6. Great communication between coaches. Gildo has to be told who the players are on his JV team. Besides being the HC of the Varsity team he is the AD. Right on top of things.

    Comment by Bobby Joe — October 24, 2014 @ 3:12 pm

  7. Does this mean we get three years of Max Ortiz playing football, baseball and basketball? Or is Max a once-a-season name mention going forward?

    Comment by Milfordian — October 24, 2014 @ 7:12 pm

  8. TWO consecutive coaches meetings with no sign of Trainer Rick Scott. Is he in a shed somewhere with the Thorp kids?

    Comment by vaganova — October 24, 2014 @ 7:45 pm

  9. […] LF Max Ortiz was called up to football varsity at True’s […]

    Pingback by Our Best Story; Maybe We’ll Tell It | This Week in Milford — April 25, 2015 @ 6:37 am

  10. […] ball and a coat hanger; a stolen base by Max Ortiz, consistent with his characterization as speedy; the idea that a five-run top of the first constitutes a “rally”; the distinct […]

    Pingback by Milford @ Ballard: Judgment Day | This Week in Milford — April 30, 2015 @ 4:37 am

  11. […] Max asking true to The Bucket in P3? We’re supposed to believe he’s <a href=””>put on 100 pounds or so</a> since the […]

    Pingback by Self-Police State | This Week in Milford — May 21, 2015 @ 5:57 am

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