This Week in Milford

November 10, 2014

The Assimilation of Jarrod Hale

Filed under: Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots, Prairie Style Windows — nedryerson @ 5:04 am


“You see, I was dishonest and manipulative, but I was doing it for you. That makes it okay. It makes me the good guy and you the asshat. It’s quite simple. Now allow me to finish my large burger and mysterious, tiny side dishes. Nice modified badger haircut, by the way.”

“I asked the lunch lady for an amuse bouche and she splashed me with the dirty silverware water! Did Jarrod see the light? Did he accept your deception in the spirit in which it was intended?”
“I dunno. I’ll bet I could talk that lady into giving me an amuse bouche. I’ll pretend to be Prince William.”

“Sure Jarrod, come on in. I was just laser etching grades onto these random papers with the power of my mind. What can I do you for? You thirsty?”



  1. To get Jarrod out of his face, True slid down the bench from one end of the cafeteria table to the other.

    Today we get to see another one of Jarrod’s admirable traits: He’s a snitch.

    What class does Gil teach?

    Comment by teenchy — November 10, 2014 @ 5:57 am

  2. teenchy, I don’t know you except for your fine taste in graphic literature (are not the interwebs great?); however, your last comment, I sense some confusion about academics and sport. Gil doesn’t actually “teach” a class. These pre-graded papers are prepared for him by department administrators simply to hand out to his “student” athletes. See the recent UNC news for the best example of how that’s done.

    Comment by G-Man — November 10, 2014 @ 9:25 am

  3. Oh, and everyone gets the B+

    Comment by G-Man — November 10, 2014 @ 9:26 am

  4. Well thank you for that, I think(?). Maybe “teach” needs air quotes around it, or we should start calling this blog This Week in Chapel Hill.. I do appreciate Gil’s taste in canvas footwear (too low for Chucks; are they PF Flyers, ProKeds, or Jack Purcells?).

    Comment by teenchy — November 10, 2014 @ 9:44 am

  5. Gil is just re-reading his college thesis, “Jim Beam, Jack Daniels and Captain Morgan: A History”.

    Comment by Milfordian — November 10, 2014 @ 9:56 am

  6. I managed to avoid most of the coach “taught” classes in high school because I didn’t take Hygiene or Consumer Math. The exception was Driver’s Ed, which was taught by a whole team of football and basketball coaches. As I recall, these gentlemen were generally referred to, even in these settings, as coach, e.g. Coach Bell or Coach Deedrick. I can still hear Coach Deedrick yelling at someone who was tentatively steering a car to “Wheel it! WHEEL IT!”
    BTW, Jack Deedrick coached our boys basketball team to a state championship in the seventies (largely on the talent of future All American and NBA allstar Otis Birdsong). He could hardly contain his contempt for standing out on the practice driving course, watching us demolish safety cones or threading “Wild at the Wheel” into a film projector for the umpteeth time.
    Good times.

    Comment by nedryerson — November 10, 2014 @ 10:32 am

  7. And some did say,
    That Jarroo’s heart did just barely grow in size that day.

    Comment by FoolyRain — November 10, 2014 @ 12:56 pm

  8. Guess my school was different. The football coach was also my Latin teacher, and one of the most effective teachers I ever had. Several other coaches were phys ed teachers, but others taught chemistry, physics, or English. The school board policy was that coaches had to teach, and if they did not so effectively, they didn’t last.

    Comment by vaganova — November 10, 2014 @ 4:36 pm

  9. I think we were closer to Ned’s model than vaganova’s. Most of the coaches taught PE. A few taught other courses – for example, the track coach also taught his own whack-a-doodle Bircherite version of US History. Our driver’s Ed teacher was a coach through and through. I don’t remember what the man taught us about driving, but boy did he have some great stories.

    Comment by timbuys — November 10, 2014 @ 5:09 pm

  10. I don’t mean to make my plain label public high school sound like Exeter. We had a couple of coaches who were mediocre phys ed teachers (and mediocre coaches) too but most of them were serious about teaching, whether gym or an academic class. It was the school policy, and oddly enough, it did not stand in the way of winning teams. The Latin-teaching football coach used to cite Cicero in the locker room (once he had the entire team bellow “(name of opponent) inimicus delenda est!” on the model of “Carthage, the enemy, must be wiped out!” The guys responded by roaring onto the field and scoring four touchdowns in the first quarter… Again, this was no high tone prep school but a public HS in a blue collar factory town. But the players– and their classmates– FELT like they were playing for Exeter because the coach took the approach he did. It was cool to take hard classes and get good grades.

    Comment by vaganova — November 10, 2014 @ 8:20 pm

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