This Week in Milford

May 20, 2015

Baseball Versus Football

Filed under: anatomically implausible, baseball, Milford Idiots — timbuys @ 7:34 am

May 20, 2015


I’m having a real tough time mentally reconstructing how it would be that Max would slap away the ball from behind True with his left hand. Let’s leave that aside for a moment and consider this:

I don’t watch as much baseball as I used to – Note to WGN programming folks: There is a much higher chance that I will watch a Cubs broadcast than I would a rerun of America’s Funniest Home Videos. – but when I did there was one thing that was for sure: for the most part nothing at all is happening in baseball. It’s a great game in many senses but it is also excruciatingly boring. Now, one way to lighten things up and provide a little diversion while the batter backs out of the box for the eighth time to readjust his cup or the pitcher takes a long look over at the runner on first base before half-heartedly lobbing a throw over there, is to see what shenanigans are going on in the dugout. These are highly paid, intensively trained men with pretty much everything on the line and, guess what, they’re giving each other hot feet and soaking each other’s underwear in liniment on a fairly regular basis.

So, in my typically prolix manner, I say all of that by way of getting to my point. What the hell is wrong with Max and are Gil/Kaz/random unpaid volunteer coach even vaguely aware that there is about to be a fight in the dugout? My answers: Max is a typical Milford Idiot and no, neither Gil nor Kaz are remotely sober enough to register that the game is still ongoing much less that their players may require any sort of supervision.



  1. “Left Fielder Max Ortiz!” is going to be my go-to exclamation for the day.

    Comment by billytheskink — May 20, 2015 @ 8:21 am

  2. Will Boo come in to save True’s butt? Tune in tomorrow as Gil returns from puking in the port a potty.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — May 20, 2015 @ 8:30 am

  3. True should tell Max that he’s comparing apples and oranges, and then proceed to produce apples and oranges and juggle them.

    Does WGN ever air baseball any more?

    Meandering digression alert. I remember the heady days when cable television first came to our town and our provider carried WGN, WOR and TBS and you could watch massive amounts of baseball (all National League since those stations were home to the Cubs, Mets and Braves). I can’t remember how much of the respective schedules were available, but I remember the Cubs home games (in that time all day games) were always on and it was great after school viewing, especially when I was trying to find out what the Pirates were doing since they slipped off the map quickly after the We Are Family days (anybody remember Doug Frobel or [non-Lizard King] Jim Morrison?).

    Comment by nedryerson — May 20, 2015 @ 9:14 am

  4. The way I vaguely remember it going is that WGN started showing a lot more White Sox games – because if you’re a Cubs fan there’s nothing better than watching a White Sox game instead (and vice versa for White Sox fans). Then, they started a regional network which took a lot of games off the national availability. Then, in some order or another, the number of Cubs games you could see nationally was whittled further and further down as the Tribune was pillaged by Sam Zell, MLB became a bit more sophisticated about managing rights across markets (i.e., more blackouts), and then I believe they have now actually taken the games off WGN entirely such that the only ballgame I’ve watched on TV all year was Opening Day on ESPN. Plus, along the way, Harry Caray and Ron Santo died and Steve Stone started broadcasting Sox games. Don’t get me started on the absolutely inane Chip – I make the nepotistic ascent of Joe Buck look like a relatively positive development – Caray…

    So, tie all that together with them moving the Astros to the American League so that I don’t even get a regular opportunity to catch a Cubs game in person, and the Cubs/MLB have done an excellent job of killing my interest in watching the game. Oh well.

    Comment by timbuys — May 20, 2015 @ 9:30 am

  5. Oh yeah, Chip Carey, because Thom Brennaman wasn’t annoying enough.

    On White Sox games: Hawk Harrelson calling a game is a form of torture. I wonder if Tom Paciorek ever took a swing at him. (I think Hawk was replaced by a robot around 2008 or 2009).

    Comment by nedryerson — May 20, 2015 @ 9:45 am

  6. I think non lizard King Jim Morrison also played 3rd base for White Sox. WGN still does Cub and Sox games, just not as many. Comcast Sports Net does most with channel 7 and 50 doing a few.
    I used to really like Hawk but he’s tiresome . I don’t mind homerism, that’s what he’s supposed to do, but I do get tired of the same cliches he spews every night. What’s missing is an actual broadcaster . Him and Stoney are baseball experts, but I get tired of X’s and O’s and want to be entertained if the game gets out of hand. That’s when Harry Carey and Jimmy Piersall were their finest.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — May 20, 2015 @ 10:48 am

  7. I’m the only one to suffer with Circle Me Bert(R) Blyleven? But I also digress.

    Do I have this correct: LaLonde gets shelled and they pull him for TrueThat. T-Dog can’t find the plate, probably gives up a few more and then he’s done too. Now we’re on pitcher #3, down 5 runs and it’s likely late in the game. Who gives a shit if the reliever is goofing off? It’s not as if he can get back in this one anyway. Max: ease up big fella.

    Comment by g2design — May 20, 2015 @ 11:19 am

  8. Yes, I do believe the operative term is “ease up”. A TWIM classic. How about that?

    Comment by nedryerson — May 20, 2015 @ 12:12 pm

  9. I am mostly glad to see “Ease up!” come into play. It shows that True is fully acclimated to Mfnrd.

    Officially Max is right– you don’t scorch around while behind– but you also don’t show up your teammate in front of the entire dugout. A Yankee outfielder named Chad Curtis once did that to Jeter, and was traded to the Rangers shortly afterward.

    Comment by vaganova — May 20, 2015 @ 12:22 pm

  10. Yes the Cubs are still on WGN, just not as often. Living in Chicago I have plenty of baseball to watch between the 2 teams plus ESPN, Fox Sports 1 and MLB Network. I too grew up watching Cub baseball after school, but it was free over the air on WGN. Got cable in ’83 and added WTBS and WOR. The Sox were on Channed 44 for a while, then moved to 32 with Don Drysdale and young Ken Harrelson on the call, and they were pretty solid. I like Skip Carey and Pete Van Weiren on TBS, thought Americas Team was a cool nickname for the Dale Murphy Braves.

    Comment by robmize2013 — May 20, 2015 @ 3:31 pm

  11. Max either doesn’t know or doesn’t remember who got him called up to the varsity football team.

    Name drop o’ the day: I went to school with Chip Caray. Don’t judge (me, anyway; Chip’s merits as a broadcaster, sure, fire away).

    Comment by teenchy — May 21, 2015 @ 4:10 am

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