This Week in Milford

February 29, 2016

The Suspense Is Annoying Me

Filed under: freak hands, Gil Thorp, Swifti Mart — nedryerson @ 4:35 am


If you’ve been waiting patiently for Monday for the big reveal, you get to keep waiting! You can also start guessing what’s in the Swifty Mart bag. Is is celebratory Nutboys? Does the Swifty Mart have a NCAA Division II merchandise section now, where True bought a Miami of Ohio golf club cover to keep Gil’s Big Bertha warm at night?

Like the old radio drama, this sure is a tale well calculated to keep you in SUSP-zzzzzzzzzzzz



  1. Small school, big conference, unusual mascot? I’ll guess Tulsa, Rice or Wake Forest. Honorable mention to Duke, Stanford, or Vanderbilt. If Tom Batiuk wrote this strip, it’d be Wake so that True could become another Brian Piccolo. Of course, we’ve never heard about True’s grades or test scores…

    Comment by teenchy — February 29, 2016 @ 5:08 am

  2. Annoyed at the drawn-out suspense, especially since the girls’ basketball season has been so sparsely covered. But the saving grace: That Swifti-Mart bag! Milford’s favorite convenience store is back, baby! NutBoys special — buy one, get one free!

    Comment by John S. Walters — February 29, 2016 @ 5:37 am

  3. I think he meant to say YUUUUUUGE school. That he didn’t want.

    Loving the mascot? Caution – spoiler alert

    Comment by g2design — February 29, 2016 @ 8:21 am

  4. IMG Academy?

    Comment by billytheskink — February 29, 2016 @ 8:27 am

  5. If it’s in one of the 5 major conferences, first guess would be wake forest, as it is one of the smallest undergrad (4000+) and postgraduate (2000+), if not the smallest in the power conferences

    Comment by spice — February 29, 2016 @ 8:29 am

  6. To satisfy power conference, smaller size, and unusual mascot, Stanford seems to be the call, especially since the dad had a ucla/west coast bent.

    Comment by Meats — February 29, 2016 @ 8:32 am

  7. Anything less exotic than the Culinary Institute of America (“The Steels”) will be a letdown at this point.

    Comment by vaganova — February 29, 2016 @ 8:57 am

  8. I’m not familiar with the Swifty mart logo. It says Smart but this sure is dumb. I’m gonna have to boycot Gil Thorp for a day. Maybe on Wednesday the big announcement will be let out of the bag.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — February 29, 2016 @ 9:19 am

  9. Well, if you examine this “cliffhanger” logically…

    If it’s a major conference, then you’re limited to a school in the ACC, Big Ten, Big 12, SEC, or Pac-12.

    True also didn’t want a “huge school”. Keep in mind that the undergraduate enrollment at Miami-Ohio (which he originally liked) is about 16,000 students, which casts a wider net than one may expect.

    Based on lowest undergraduate enrollment in the 5 power conferences, you get:

    Wake Forest 5,000
    Duke 6,500
    Stanford 7,000
    Vanderbilt 7,000
    Notre Dame 8,000 (technically not in a “major conference”)
    Northwestern 9,000
    Boston College 9,000

    Then he says “beautiful campus”. According to this list of “2016’s 50 Most Beautiful College Campuses” (, the ranked schools above were:

    Notre Dame #16
    Stanford #19
    Duke #35
    Northwestern #47
    Wake Forest #49

    True says he “loves the mascot”. Out of the choices above, this would most likely implicate Stanford, with their anthropomorphic tree mascot (after they changed their nickname to a color) always cited among the most unusual.

    Other clues that Stanford is the True’s choice is that his football camp QB buddy Rodney already committed to Oregon, another Pac-12 school, while True’s dad wanted him to play at a West coast school (his dad had wanted to play at UCLA).

    The random appearance of the S-mart bag in P3 (“smart”, get it), also implies a strong academic school, though most of those listed above fit that description.

    As far as whether True had adequate enough grades to get into a top academic school as a football player, keep in mind he was seemingly the only guy at Milford who seemed to know who “Boo Radley” was, which probably makes him valedictorian level at that tank town school.

    Comment by WallyLFrancesa — February 29, 2016 @ 9:33 am

  10. Hmm…, I’m wondering if “friendly people” is code for “mid-western.”

    Comment by doalabs — February 29, 2016 @ 10:49 am

  11. Georgia Tech has 10,500 enrollment, is in “friendly people” south, name is yellow-jackets & the ramblin’ reck is a unique mascot…

    Comment by Rowdyman — February 29, 2016 @ 12:43 pm

  12. Jive Turkey: Swifti-Mart logo has appeared multiple times, but not in a few years. Here’s one:

    Also seen here, courtesy of Comics Curmudgeon:

    I gotta say, that’s one hell of a convenience store that’s got a full selection of collegiate logo gear. “North Dakota State? Oh,sure, right here by the register.”

    Comment by John S. Walters — February 29, 2016 @ 2:03 pm

  13. I don’t think it’s going to be Div !. True has already shown he is wise to the scam of big time college football. I think it’s going to be a soiid academic school- D2 or D3– Division 1A, tops– where the kids sometimes miss practice because they have lab.

    Comment by vaganova — February 29, 2016 @ 3:48 pm

  14. Georgia Tech would be fantastic for True. He’s a natural as a flexbone-option quarterback.

    Comment by billytheskink — February 29, 2016 @ 4:01 pm

  15. “Beautiful campus” and “Georgia Tech” are mutually exclusive terms.

    Comment by teenchy — February 29, 2016 @ 6:41 pm

  16. You could finish your Sociology 301 midterm project in less time than this announcement takes.

    Comment by Philip — February 29, 2016 @ 7:40 pm

  17. It’s got to be the UC Santa Cruz Banana Slugs. Who has a better mascot?

    Comment by Moon Mullins — March 1, 2016 @ 1:18 am

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