This Week in Milford

November 1, 2016

HE Burn Me

Filed under: ?, football, freak hands, Gil Thorp, Marty Moon — timbuys @ 7:20 am


Good thing Heather’s middle name isn’t Olivia, I suppose.

When did this ‘one of the guys’ conversation take place?

Who was playing TE in the first half?

Who else here, besides Gil, can touch their index fingers to their pinkies over the back of their middle fingers?

Just a reminder, in these turbulent times, that today’s post title inspiration was actually a real thing that happened… Happy belated Halloween everyone!



  1. Apart from the first half, who was playing tight end during the tough loss to Central?
    And, what is the point of Gil’s crafty subterfuge, and will it fool the Goshen defenders for one whole play?

    Comment by Philip — November 1, 2016 @ 7:31 am

  2. Maybe they’ve been playing without a tight end? It would help explain the losing.

    I am genuinely curious to see if Gil and Heather are going to try to hide her gender for as long as possible, or if we are just going to get a “you just got beat by a girl” moment here against Goshen.

    Comment by billytheskink — November 1, 2016 @ 7:48 am

  3. Unless Heather’s hair is uncomfortably scrunched up inside her helmet, the Goshen boys will realize her gender in about three seconds.

    It should take Marty about 30 seconds to fire up the computer and check the Milford High school records for students named “Burns” with first initial H. Really, I have no idea why Gil is doing this, and I doubt he does either.

    Comment by John S. Walters — November 1, 2016 @ 8:06 am

  4. I’m looking forward to a Goshen defender accidently feeling Heather’s breast under her pads and then running screaming in gay panic!

    Comment by $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$ — November 1, 2016 @ 8:24 am

  5. Are we sensing a bit of a romantic spark in P1? Whoa, wait a minute, it was just this past weekend(MST, or Milford Standard Time) that Coach Thorp was practically mulling over his lineup with his Honey. But the way the plot’s been going, this is par for the course. Well, whatever potential fire there was got stomped out in the 3rd quarter as Heather cops a bit of a ‘tude while being sent off to Iwo Jima.
    Then there’s P3. Aw, c’mon, Marty. You, who slithers for a story, don’t see THE OBVIOUS and reads the copy with a David Brinkley cold neutrality to it? You weren’t snooping around the Milford camp trying to dig up more doggy doo doo than what they had to offer down at the Pound? Did you take an all-expense paid vacation to Mars?
    Marty, H. E. Burns was not an American author. Coach Thorp does not make roster changes by inserting William Dean Howells in the lineup. This can only tell me that if Gil had a mean streak to him, he could send you a copy to read and the crowd would be laughing their a—- off while you’re announcing the starters Ralph Waldo Emerson at wide receiver and James Fenimore Cooper at nose guard.
    “Your attention, ladies and gentleman, now playing tight end, #38, Nathaniel Hawthorne.”(Marty, muffling the mike, speaking to himself), “Hawthorne… Hawthorne, hmmm, where have I heard that name?”

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — November 1, 2016 @ 8:42 am

  6. So it will be TE H.E. Burns?

    Comment by nedryerson — November 1, 2016 @ 1:29 pm

  7. Philip raises a great point– who has been playing tight end since Pete de W got hurt? Or have we been just slopping along avoiding plays which involve the end blocking? I am even more curious to see how a 150 lb player will deal with defensive ends and tackles without holding.

    Comment by vaganova — November 1, 2016 @ 1:39 pm

  8. Speaking of Halloween, it might be ill-advised for Heather to go trick-or-treating as a tight end because, for starters, she’d look out of place among the youngsters. Can you imagine her next to a 10-year-old of either gender sporting Peyton’s number(or use your imagination with your favorite player) begging for alms with their shopping bags on the streets of Suburbia?
    Second, she’d have a hard time getting this one past the person doling out 3 Musketeer and Snickers Mini’s at the door.
    “So how in the name of Drew Dandey did you sneak that uniform past Coach Kaz?”
    “I’m on the team.”
    “No way”
    “Weren’t you on the soccer team?”

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — November 1, 2016 @ 2:11 pm

  9. XFL joke? Strangely enough there is a women’s XFL now. It’s headquartered in Ponca City, OK, hometown of Candy Loving.

    Comment by Drownedpuppy (@Downpuppy) — November 1, 2016 @ 3:25 pm

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