This Week in Milford

November 7, 2016

Illegal Hands To The Bikini Zone?

Filed under: actual action, football — nedryerson @ 4:22 am


The word has spread about H.E. Burns, Girl TE. In Panel 1, Milford has her running some sort of shallow pattern and whoever is at QB sails the ball down the field. Was that a pass even meant for the TE? Maybe H.E. was confused about her blocking assignment and just wandering around and decided to swat at the downfield pass.

Whatever the case, the New Thayer linebacker decided to offer a special greeting. This greeting is special in its ambiguity. I don’t know what that linebacker is doing. Is he the player who was in Panel 1, approaching H.E. from the front? Why did he slip around her back and initiate the Heimlich maneuver? Are they levitating? Please tell me the New Thayerian is not trying to grab onto anything in particular!

So now the experiment at TE means that other offensive players for Milford have to risk flags for meting out payback on those who get handsy with H.E.? Where are we going with this?




  1. Actually, that’s a pretty normal position for a Tee — a bit beyond the line of scrimmage where linebackers await. It just looks to be a horrible, horrible pass by the Mudlark Quib. The worst possible kind of horrible: the one that leaves the Tee wide open for a vicious hit. (And maybe gets intercepted as it sails far over the Tee’s head.)

    As for the “special greeting”, it looks like a standard hard tackle. In fact, it looks like the New Thayerian is taking pains to avoid H.E.’s, ahem, sensitive areas.

    (Fake Wiki: The “New Thayerians” were a 19th Century cult that fled religious persecution in England and founded a Utopian community in America. Their ideals long ago vanished, but the name lives on in this uninspiring suburb and its football team.)

    Comment by John S. Walters — November 7, 2016 @ 5:32 am

  2. Further proof that Mfnrd is located in an alternate midwest- Kevin Palooka’s fractured collarbone has healed in the space of three games!

    Comment by vaganova — November 7, 2016 @ 7:54 am

  3. Woop– sorry. It was Pete De Windt who got hurt, not Palooka or Dorky Darwin.

    Comment by vaganova — November 7, 2016 @ 8:07 am

  4. Good old Rubin… Seamlessly merging the worst elements of football and the worst elements of White Knightism…

    Comment by Hitorque — November 7, 2016 @ 8:14 am

  5. One of the few times that I am serious(the other this week when it’s Veteran’s Day) to remind people to vote tomorrow on Election Day.
    I wear Frank Zappa’s “Register to Vote” watchword like a badge.
    Don’t let the self-righteous tell us what we can or cannot say. We have something called a Constitution that guarantees Freedom of Speech. Voting ensures that freedoms like that stay intact.
    Frank crucified himself to fight the powers-that-be who were trying to play Big Brother with our minds by judging for us what is tasteful and what is not. I have a solutution for those offended by what a person says. TURN IT OFF. Anyway, Frank did the hard part. Please do the easy part by voting.
    I will never ask people to do ANYTHING I wouldn’t do myself.

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — November 7, 2016 @ 10:42 am

  6. Well, Cthulhu or The Blob, take your pick, are nestled comfortably in the background kibitzing the game, munching on M & M’s, Junior Mints, popcorn, and a few fans, judging by the empty stands in the upper rows. Either one is amazed at the UFO Heather almost nabbed for a score.
    Speaking of Heather, and maybe my corneas are hardening, but doesn’t it seem odd that Heather’s physique has filled out a tad more? Hard to believe a Nautilus program could develop muscles at the speed of light. Addressing our feature writer’s acute observations in P2, I hope and pray that these 2 unfortunates are not caught in a black hole nor the Time Tunnel where they are suddenly displaced in the middle of Wars of the Roses. Shoulder pads and jock straps are gonna be outta character in 15th century England next to shields and armor.
    And Dory Darwin used to hang around Beaver, Wally, Eddie Haskell, and the gang before he got older and decided to focus on football and engage in grudge matches like we see in P3. Will he be yet another stone unturned that vegetates and gets put on life-support? Will he linger around the Milford scene for Gil to address with half-baked wisdom because Gil ran out of time to devise at least a workable answer before doing justice to basketball? I don’t even think The Shadow knows. He got swallowed up in this Black Hole of a plot too.

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — November 7, 2016 @ 11:16 am

  7. On October 14, Pelwecki had an interception. Now he’s a right guard, playing offense. Does Milford have a lot of 2way players (as well as 4 backup QBs)?

    Comment by Downpuppy (@Downpuppy) — November 7, 2016 @ 11:29 am

  8. We may have to ask billy for a ruling, but I think Palooka is listed as an offensive guard and linebacker. No idea if this is widespread at Mfnrd, but it is in my region, where the best players often play both ways. Guard and linebacker, center and nose guard, and halfback and safety are common combinations.

    Comment by vaganova — November 7, 2016 @ 12:00 pm

  9. @Downpuppy: You’d think that an athletic 2-way player who is already a skilled blocker and has hands good enough to get reps at QB in practice would be a natural for tight end (if nothing else, you’d think Kevin would have volunteered himself, since playing right guard isn’t ‘glamorous’ enough… So either Kevin is either physically/mentally incapable of catching even a beach ball, or it’s just today’s episode of “Kaz and Gilbert are laughably incompetent at their jobs, which leads to more Grand Canyon-sized plot holes and errors in continuity…

    @T. Drew Hardin: +1 on your voting comment… I know it’s everybody’s individual choice, but I’ve always harbored a special hatred for the “Too cool to vote” crowd…

    Comment by Hitorque — November 7, 2016 @ 12:05 pm

  10. I believe you have it right, vaganova. In my time reading the strip, two-way players at Milford are not uncommon along the lines, but are rare among offensive skill position players and in the defensive backfield.

    Looks like this would have been a better year to film that silly reality show from last year. Much more interesting things going on.

    Comment by billytheskink — November 7, 2016 @ 1:31 pm

  11. billy, for me, mentioning “that silly reality show from last year” is like saying “Niagara Falls!” to Sid Fields in the Abbott and Costello skit. I have followed GT from its first year, and that plot was the nadir.

    Comment by vaganova — November 7, 2016 @ 3:53 pm

  12. Hitorque, thank you for your kind words. One of my favorite movie lines that has shaped one of my basic philosophies on life comes from the movie “He Got Game” when Jake Shuttlesworth(Denzel Washington) tells his son, Jesus Shuttlesworth(Ray Allen), “You best get that hate out of your system or you’re gonna wind up another n—– like your old man.”
    If I don’t like another man’s ways I can either use hate or I can go to the voting booth and do everything I can to get him off his platform by voting for somebody in tune with reality.
    Thanks again for your note.

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — November 7, 2016 @ 4:06 pm

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