This Week in Milford

November 21, 2016

D To The Uh

Filed under: Coach Shaw, Gil Thorp, hideous scar faces, Prairie Style Windows — nedryerson @ 4:19 am


Heather Burns is a genius. Too bad Gil and Kaz didn’t stick around to hear the reveal.

The solution to this problem is to remember who your second and third string TEs were and maybe use them.

Who operates the camera to capture the video? They need some work on general camera pointing skills.



  1. What could you possibly see on the video to tell you “they’re looking at Heather”? Even assuming Tilden figured out whether you’re passing or running, they could be picking up cues from any of eleven different Mudlarks. Not to mention, once Milford got way behind, Tilden probably started ignoring the run and playing the pass on pretty much every down.

    Comment by Philip — November 21, 2016 @ 5:25 am

  2. Milford has THREE coaches, and it took an emergency-replacement TE to figure this out?

    Besides, the problem isn’t Heather as such, it’s how the coaches are using her. They could call running plays that don’t go precisely in her direction. They could line her up outside and bring in an extra lineman. They have a talented but limited player; they should be finding ways to maximize her strengths and hide her weaknesses. Real coaches do this all the time, especially in high school where their choices are limited.

    Comment by John S. Walters — November 21, 2016 @ 5:28 am

  3. It took Heather to point this out? Gil, Kaz, and Shaw should just resign.

    Mark Tabor probably would have picked up on this, though. Kick Gil upstairs to AD like they briefly did in the 90s and bring Tabor back.

    Comment by billytheskink — November 21, 2016 @ 8:39 am

  4. 1. I love how this revelation is evidently on the same mind-blowing level as The Da Vinci Code – “OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!!, you mean to tell me that opponents don’t run the same plays the entire game regardless of situation? They watch what we do and customize their gameplans to exploit our weakest links?? Is that even *LEGAL*??”
    2. Even though this is the worst storyline ever, I am grateful to Heather completely exposing once and for all that the Thorps and their respective assistants are completely, 100% unwilling and/or incapable of coaching their athletes… Never before have I seen a high school where the coaches are so goddamned fucking dumb and indifferent the athletes have to pretty much self-teach themselves…
    3. Naturally, even though there are literally countless ways for Gil to correct this situation (i.e., Put Heather van Brocklin at WR or bench her ass or whatever), as always he will come up with the most impractical, half-assed solution which will probably involve half the team needing to change positions…
    4. And of course Heather will be hailed as the next Jim Harbaugh football genius for doing nothing other than pointing out the painfully obvious… And she didn’t even need video to point it out.

    Comment by Hitorque — November 21, 2016 @ 8:41 am

  5. There’s no way this coaching staff won a state championship 2 years ago. NO WAY !!!

    Comment by Jive Turkey — November 21, 2016 @ 9:26 am

  6. I don’t care what youse thinks, she’s still a savant to me. I mean, she’s so out-of-the-box, she’s the female version of Mike Leach

    Comment by g2design — November 21, 2016 @ 10:45 am

  7. The coaching staff didn’t do anything to win the championship. That was Tru running the show. The coaches just came along for the ride.

    Comment by Bobby Joe — November 21, 2016 @ 10:49 am

  8. Hitorque, LOVED the Da Vinci Code comparison. It has all the trappings thereof.

    “So THAT’S why the plot was going nowhere. Moose ate too many burritos at Milford Taco Shoppe and had to take the world’s biggest dump, accompanied by all the dry heaves. LOOK!!!!! There he is, coming out of the Section G entrance!!!!!!!!!! Our game stabilized after that!!!!!!!!!!!!” Then there was a point to this plot, after all!!!!!!!!!!
    Coach Shaw dissipates into smoke(writes a hall pass for Heather first) and goes back into his bottle. Heather goes to class.

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — November 21, 2016 @ 10:59 am

  9. OK, nobody’s going to ask the obvious question so I will. Which offensive position least often requires the player to block? And which one does Heather actually know the best?

    Comment by vaganova — November 21, 2016 @ 11:12 am

  10. I thought same thing Bobby Joe. But wasn’t True hurt some that season including playdowns? Wasn’t Neidameyer QB for some of that? I’m asking not making statement because I’m not sure. The stumble bums we see this season surely would’ve screwed that season up also. Of course I’m trying to think realistically .

    Comment by Jive Turkey — November 21, 2016 @ 11:45 am

  11. Jive Turkey, I think we need a ruling from billy. As I remember, True faked an injury his junior year so Jarrod Hale could play a few series, but actually did injure something last year. But I’ve noticed the implied comparison to Hakeem all this season and am not sure his position is secure.

    Comment by vaganova — November 21, 2016 @ 12:03 pm

  12. @vaganova: Heather can of course play wide receiver (or if she’s really slow, slot receiver), which is where she should have been the whole time

    Comment by Hitorque — November 21, 2016 @ 12:05 pm

  13. Hitorque, I agree. At last everybody sees the drawback to playing her at TE. A tight end is sometimes called “a tackle with hands,” and as skilled as she is, she is not that. The suggestion is that Pete de Windt is out for the season, so they still have the tight end problem. This sounds like musical chairs, but could she go to QB with Kevin Palooka at TE and LB? Nobody has said anything about the depth chart at guard, but I suspect a guard would be easier to replace. Teams that run a lot usually have at least three start-ready guards, because they get gassed and have to be subbed.

    Comment by vaganova — November 21, 2016 @ 12:24 pm

  14. What gets me is these meatheads needed to be shown game tape to realize this. There it is again Heathers right! Unbelievable that they know we are gonna pass when Heathers in the game! Unless tomorrow they say no Heather it’s not you we saw on tape. Marty Moon was signaling the opposition. No wonder Marty has been such a non confrontational pud.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — November 21, 2016 @ 2:41 pm

  15. True Standish injury history:

    Sprained his ankle severely as a spectator at a Valley Conference summer 7-on-7 game before he decided to go to Milford. Despite missing much of pre-season practice (and only deciding to enroll at Milford on the first day of school), True does not miss the opening game. Jarrod Hale starts, though. True doesn’t take over the starting job until game 4.
    Fakes an ankle sprain tweak with a 3 touchdown lead at homecoming against Goshen in order to get Hale (just elected junior class homecoming prince) into the game.
    Cites pain in his shoulder on the final drive of the state championship game, but still throws a short pass and makes a critical block on Jarrod Hale’s game-winning touchdown run. Shoulder pain never mentioned again.

    Separates his non-throwing shoulder against Madison with starting left tackle Dory Darwin on the bench for missing practice to pitch a dumb reality show idea to Bobby Bittmayne. True misses two games but returns to beat Valley Tech in the season finale.

    Comment by billytheskink — November 21, 2016 @ 3:05 pm

  16. billy, as ever, thank you for keeping score. Especially with the amplifications: I had forgotten that the stupid tv show had contributed to a serious injury.

    Comment by vaganova — November 21, 2016 @ 6:57 pm

  17. […] indulge her little coaching fantasy, except for that part where fullbacks have to block. That was never her strong suit and besides, Kevin is a guard so he should already know how to do that, […]

    Pingback by Kevin Pelwecki, Blank Canvas | This Week in Milford — August 3, 2017 @ 5:43 am

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