This Week in Milford

December 1, 2016

At Least Dick Butkus Didn’t Get WHUDed By A Girl

Filed under: actual action, Exploding Eyeball Syndrome, football, Marty Moon — nedryerson @ 7:17 am


Marty be like…


So our astute commentariat know what a draw is and also recognize how obvious a choice it is as a counter to a team with blitzing tendencies.  Seriously, you guys have been all over it, stripping most of the meat off that bone.

So, I guess now we move on to dissecting the action as described in Shuford’s run. The kindest criticism I can level at it is that two panels are not nearly enough to show me how all this action unfolded without questioning the fundamental logic of geometry and defensive fundamentals. Also, if Austin Shuford was that much of an elusive open field runner, why hasn’t he been more involved in the offense?

Have at it folks.



  1. Ah, we joyfully greet the return of our favorite sound effect. And the crowd goes WHUD!

    We’ve dissected the stupid offense, but what about the stupid defense? If the offensive line has an Achilles heel, why would you blitz? You let your linemen steamroll the poor TE while the secondary makes sure the QB doesn’t have anywhere to dump the ball. Generally, you blitz when your front line can’t generate pressure on the QB. Valley Tech’s elaborate strategery was kind of self-defeating.

    Comment by John S. Walters — December 1, 2016 @ 7:24 am

  2. (walks to the middle of the field and turns on microphone):



    Comment by Hitorque — December 1, 2016 @ 7:25 am

  3. Meanwhile, Kevin watches attentively on the sideline…

    Comment by timbuys — December 1, 2016 @ 7:32 am

  4. 1. As I pointed out on the other site, I don’t know what’s more pathetic — The fact that Heather Saban’s “grand idea” was a motherfucking basic vanilla draw play (which a blitz should still easily contain anyway, assuming the defense minds its gaps), or the fact that Gil+Kaz couldn’t come up with a playcall that any eight-year-old playing Madden 16 on PS4 could have thought of, and needed Heather to suggest it for them…

    2. Remember the good old days when it was, you know, the fucking QUARTERBACK who noticed these things and bounced ideas off Gil+Kaz after class or after practice?? When the fuck did Heather Harbaugh-Meyer become the Lane Kiffin of shadow offensive coordinators??

    Comment by Hitorque — December 1, 2016 @ 7:34 am

  5. WHUD?? Never heard that sound in my life. After looking at Heather’s execution of that block I expect she will be entering the Concussion Protocol process. Knee to the noggin.

    Comment by Bobby Joe — December 1, 2016 @ 8:43 am

  6. So Austin Shuford has him some exploding eyeball. (Before I proceed, does his middle name begin with ‘S’?) It appears Austin is surprised. His reaction? One of two possibilities:

    1) “WTF with the chick? I was ready to score me a juke hat-trick and she robbed me. Chicks…”
    2) “Dang – F really does equal M*A. That chick has some great A. On the other hand, perhaps the equations of Momentum Conservation are more appropriate here? Hmmm.”

    Given this is a high school in East Jesus Nowhere, I’m leaning towards #1.

    Comment by g2design — December 1, 2016 @ 9:06 am

  7. Has Kevin Palooka been returning the favor by teaching Heather how to block bigger opponents? Guards, at least pulling guards, have to do it all the time.

    Comment by vaganova — December 1, 2016 @ 11:22 am

  8. So Heather’s mysterious idea is to run a draw in a blitz situation. Kaz says this is “limited, situationally”, but so is punting on 4th and 12, and everyone does that. Marty’s description of Shuford’s movements sounds like someone giving directions to a driver in downtown Boston (“Left at the Dunkin Donuts, then right at the second Dunkin Donuts …”). Finally, Heather … and Rubin established long ago that she can’t block … hits a defensive back so hard she lifts him completely into the air. I really hope this is the end of the fall story.

    Comment by Philip — December 1, 2016 @ 3:24 pm

  9. Yes, her technique is suspect, but the work of Messrs. Buridan, Descartes and Newton essentially states: if you impact another object with sufficient speed, you can overcome a gross mismatch in size. Our fair lass could certainly achieve the effect shown in P3. If she’s at top speed at impact, and VT25 is caught flat-footed or mid-juke, he just might get creamed. Hitting him below center mass also helps with upending his trajectory – a jujitsu move of sorts.

    Of course, the extreme deceleration she suffers while transferring her momentum is not without peril. That’s a classic concussive event, or worse. Exploding eyeballs anyone?

    Comment by g2design — December 1, 2016 @ 4:38 pm

  10. OK, with about four minutes left, this should put Mfnrd ahead. I have a terrible feeling we are about to see Kevin Palooka stop Valley Tech in a time-eating series, then go in at QB for the final set– with Heather at tight end– while the fishermen and their wives dance in the courtyard.

    Comment by vaganova — December 1, 2016 @ 5:41 pm

  11. I imagined the play – how does he juke 2 defenders along the sideline? They would normally either push him out of bounds or surround him and put him down. Heather would have to be behind the play to block like that – and its illegal. Cant block below the waist except in a 7-yard zone near the LOS, and Shuford is way past that from the description.

    Comment by robmize2013 — December 1, 2016 @ 7:11 pm

  12. It’s a draw! Is Marty Moon covering the Milford chess team now?

    Comment by Richard Sansing — December 2, 2016 @ 5:35 am

  13. I am trying every which way to make sense of WHUD as a sound effect. I cannot reconcile that with 2 football players making violent contact. CRACK or WHAM or BOOM but WHUD sounds like something coming out of a turbo laser when the Millenium Falcon, the Rebel Alliance and the Milford National Guard are fighting off the Galactic Empire(“Heather, I am your father”). That, or when the Joker gets loose in Milford and Batman speeds out of his Batcave(which I’m thinking is out in the woods near the Milford FOP Camp) to go get ’em, traps the Joker(while Robin holds off the other 25 gang members with a KAPOW or BAM, but never a WHUD) at an abandoned warehouse in Milford and overcomes the villain by kicking him in the crotch with a WHUD. Man, that’s gotta hurt.

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — December 2, 2016 @ 7:44 am

  14. The Joker tried to return the favor but Batman was ready. He sprayed beforehand the Defense Mechanistic Emergency Groin Protective EPA Friendly Anti-WHUD Bat Deflector all over himself in case The Joker went for other parts of the body if the family jewels were safe and secure. The Caped Crusader had a spare bottle in his utility belt. He gave Robin the other one. Joker’s gang never knew what was comin’. Now Milford is vermin-free(anti-Ghostbusters-like signs with The Joker in its stead all over M-Town) and The Joker is licking his WHUD wounds.

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — December 2, 2016 @ 11:37 am

  15. You might consider WHUD! as not as onomatopoeia but rather as acronym. White Helmet Under Diaphragm! Or, When Heather Unleashes Doom!

    (you can probably do better, but the second is pretty good, huh?)

    Comment by g2design — December 2, 2016 @ 12:48 pm

  16. g2design, I like both your ideas, even though the drawing makes it appear she has not speared the guy.

    WHUD is as good a thing to post about as any while we wait to see if Mfnrd holds up over the final minutes. My contribution to WHUDology is that the effect may be a more evolved form of WUD, from one of the greatest GT panels of all time– Herk the Mauler blasting the sub shop punk in the side of the head with an elbow. WUD!

    Comment by vaganova — December 2, 2016 @ 2:37 pm

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