This Week in Milford

December 10, 2016

Let’s Never Talk About This Again

Filed under: Milford Idiots, Prairie Style Windows — nedryerson @ 7:36 am

121016

So this is it? The final panel is doing a dumb, Casablanca style ending, so this looks like the kiss off. So long suckers. Thanks for wasting the fall with us here in Milford.

I think what this really was about was that Heather Burns just likes to manipulate people, men in particular and she positioned herself in the company of the most easily swayed cement heads in the region, the Milford football team. She couldn’t get any traction in girls’ soccer because she had mediocre talent, but more importantly, they were sharper people and they sniffed out her game early on. She probably should have pulled this gambit in her junior year and she would have had her own office and a salary by now. Would it have made any difference in the on field performance? That’s the beauty of it, because nobody gives a shit.

Advertisements

16 Comments »

  1. Is it me or does Heather have an extra knuckle on her index finger in panel two? That is nearly ET like.

    Comment by timbuys — December 10, 2016 @ 7:53 am

  2. Play it again, Sam. And you can play it on Pelwecki’s piano teeth in P 1.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — December 10, 2016 @ 9:15 am

  3. Okay Heather time to lighten up. Taking yourself way to seriously. Pelwicki seemed seemed to be reasonable talented before you came along. Not sure he needs you to blow smoke up his arse about becoming a super star.

    Comment by Bobby Joe — December 10, 2016 @ 9:49 am

  4. Kevin’s a starter on offense and defense, and “We might just make a football player out of you”? The program might be better off if she used her considerable coaching skills on junior high and JV tight ends, trying to develop depth at what appears to be a very shallow position.

    Comment by Philip — December 10, 2016 @ 10:17 am

  5. Well, the end of football season can mean only one thing… the Secret Pelwecki remaining a secret. Er, two things, if you count Heather dressing like a member of Milford’s Young Libertarians chapter. And that number grows to three things if you count Milford Mudlark Record Book.xlsx.

    Milford Mudlark Football 2016
    6 wins, 2 losses, 1 Tie (5-2-1 in the Valley Conference)
    * = Non-Conference Game

    W/L
    Location
    Opponent
    PF
    PA

    W
    Oakwood
    Away
    12
    10

    W
    Away
    Sulphur*
    27
    14

    T
    Home
    Jefferson
    14
    14

    L
    Away
    Central

    W
    Home
    Goshen
    26
    10

    W
    Away
    New Thayer
    20
    14

    L
    Unknown
    Tilden
    7
    34

    W
    Away
    Madison

    W
    Away
    Valley Tech
    27
    24

    2016 marks the 15th year of full season data tracked by Milford Mudlark Record Book.xlsx (16th football season, but eh, who’s counting?). To celebrate, enormous amounts of historical data will be quoted alongside the standard reporting on this season.

    After the 2015 season depicted only 7 games, 2016 saw the return to the standard 9 game regular season. This is Gil’s 8th 6-win season since 2001 and his 2nd 6-2-1 season (he’s the Marvin Lewis of the Valley Conference). That last 6-2-1 season occurred in 2004 and also marked the last time Milford tied a football game, a 13-13 contest at Central, until this season.

    Since 2001, Gil’s record is 91-54-3 with 2 unknowns and a 75-42-3 with 1 unknown record in the Valley Conference. He has made 3 playdown appearances, going 6-2 with 1 state championship during that time. His career record, minus the five “lost years” of 1996-2000, stands at 301-130-19 with 2 unknowns. He surely celebrated his real 300th win a few years ago, but his 300th recorded win came this year at Madison.

    Here is Gil’s record since 2001 against Milford’s Valley Conference Rivals:

    Opponent
    W
    L
    T
    Streak
    Notes

    Central
    10
    5
    1
    1L
    Did not play in 2015

    Goshen
    11
    4
    0
    1W
    Did not play in 2003

    Jefferson
    5
    6
    1
    1T
    Did not play in 2001-2003, 2005

    Madison
    5
    10
    0
    1W
    Did not play in 2002

    New Thayer
    11
    4
    0
    1W
    Did not play in 2001

    Oakwood
    12
    4
    0
    5W

    Tilden
    7
    6
    1
    1L
    Did not play in 2001 and 2015

    Valley tech
    14
    3
    0
    4W
    Unknown outcome from a 2001 game against “V Tech”

    A total of 28 named characters appeared this football season. Only 8 of them were new, but 3 more were introduced late in this summer’s elongated baseball/softball story arc. No hall of name candidates, I don’t believe, but three curious cases: Nick Hawker, Jason Weibe and Randy Weiss.
    – Nick Hawker was originally referred to as “Nick Hawkins” by Gil, but became Hawker for the remainder of the season. Perhaps he knows Maxwell “The Player Formerly Known As Max” Bacon…
    – Jason Weibe is notable for having a last name similar to Maddie Wiebe’s. Maddie was a cheerleader and friend of Angie Sanchez, who was sweet on silent John Pascoe a few years back. All we know about Jason is that he and Andre Ruffin don’t have a pair of good hands between them.
    Randy Weiss, apparently a lightly-used wideout this season, is the most interesting case here. A student with the EXACT SAME NAME attended Milford back in 2005. That Randy was a tennis player known for throwing parties where beer and a hot tub were available. If I had to guess on the first repeated name to appear in this strip over the last 15 years, I would not have picked Randy Weiss… unless, this is supposed to be the same Randy Weiss, held back for a decade because of his beer and hot tub parties.

    Since Spring 2001, a total of 652 named characters have appeared in Gil Thorp, none more than the title character himself. Gil has appeared in all 62 season depicted during this time. Here are the demographics:

    Male – 447
    Female – 199
    Unknown – 6

    Student – 256
    Milford Coach – 20
    Parent – 75
    Opponent – 79
    Other – 220
    Pet – 2

    Most season appeared in, top 10 adult and student characters:

    Adults
    62 – Gil
    57 – Mimi
    52 – Marty Moon
    43 – Kaz
    29 – Marjie Ducey
    22 – Dr. Pearl
    22 – Trainer Rick Scott
    15 – Chief Lind
    14 – Kelly Krystek
    12 – Matt Shaw
    12 – Paul Strange

    Students
    11 – Brent Raptor
    9 – True Standish
    8 – Molly Kinsella
    8 – Miles Paris (and never once a major part of any story arc)
    8 – “Slender Sophomore” Ric Devore
    7 – Les Neemy
    7 – Gary Stephens (Miles Paris for the new generation)
    7 – Jake “Can It” Nelp
    7 – Danny “Nails” Randolph (who was literally called “Danny ‘Nails’ Randolph” every time he appeared)
    7 – Grant Sanders

    Milford Mudlark Record Book.xlsx will return from a winter hibernation sometime in early April to recap the basketball seasons. Hope we get a decent number of games for Christmas this year.

    Comment by billytheskink — December 10, 2016 @ 10:22 am

  6. Well, posting the scores and records in table format didn’t work. Still readable, but awkward. Sorry you all.

    Comment by billytheskink — December 10, 2016 @ 10:24 am

  7. Strong comments from everyone today(touché, Jive Turkey) forcing me to up my game(ha). If I were a colonel, I’d say the fusillade was an overriding success. Therefore, I humbly submit my observations in relation to the crash-landing of Heather and Moose.
    First off, in P2, it’s possible that the ChemLawn agent operating out of the Branch Office in Milford cross-pollinated the wrong seeds(problems at home, hung over from the night before, maybe) while working in the lab, should have left out phenol when carbon-14 would suffice, and now we’re seeing some bizarre species of poplar trees in the background.
    A more plausible explanation is that Cthulhu has shed his skin for the winter, a prophecy from the Milford Oracle that even the plotline gods were getting a bit impatient and wanting to show why Naismith promoted Muscular Christianity WITH ANOTHER SPORT.
    The clincher was when Gil ate too many chimichangas at the Milford Taco Bell and didn’t suffer the consequences until late afternoon when he had to take a bodacious dump in the Faculty Men’s Room and opening the door, surprised, asked himself: “What are these basketball racks doing here?”
    Plotline gods have ways of making their point.

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — December 10, 2016 @ 11:59 am

  8. Will next football season (converted lineman running the ball) be a flashback to William “The Refrigerator” Perry? Will Kevin or Heather appear in another sport before June? Will we see Heather’s father again? He has thus far been one of the best of high school sports parents– supportive and largely invisible.

    Comment by vaganova — December 10, 2016 @ 1:54 pm

  9. We have nothing to complain about. This plot has aged poor Heat 20 years & turned Pelwecki into Butthead.

    Comment by Downpuppy (@Downpuppy) — December 10, 2016 @ 2:42 pm

  10. Well, crap. As usual, billytheskink’s comprehensive update languished in moderation hell most of the day. I wish I could give his comments blanket approval.

    Thanks again billy. I know the formatting didn’t quite work out, but your work is invaluable.

    Comment by nedryerson — December 10, 2016 @ 5:21 pm

  11. I beg forgiveness in advance – as a frequent but not durable contributor, I am perhaps intruding upon or even violating the yet un-codified norms at TWIM. We all understand this public space is not without bounds; I see references to “moderating” and “pending” and perhaps this post is egregious enough to trigger that process, e.g. {length.excess == 1 –> flush}.

    The Boston power-trio Buffalo Tom wrote and sang the soundtrack of my undergraduate education, and to this day their song Torch Singer remains a very personal favorite. As music it is sweet and accessible, as poetry I think it’s some of Janovitz’s best work, and as a song; well, I consider it perfect.

    The song begins with a simple acoustic riff that sets the tempo and the key, and then this riff becomes the song, changing and deepening as the lyrical story does the same. At the end of this 3 minutes of audio heaven, that riff gently deconstructs into the original composite notes and shimmers off to silence. Like I said, perfect.

    Early on the lyrics paint his object of desire and her craft, “Songs that thinned out near the end; her voice trailed off in the end”. Ultimately, he admits, “I’m forsaken in the end.” An evocative image that describes so much of our human experience. Friends, at the end it just fades out of our grasp, leaving us abandoned and alone.

    Now, I so enjoyed revisiting this song and remembering that time of my life, I cannot bear or bother to descend to my original diatribe. All set up and no pay off I guess – I’m about to fade off as well.

    In leaving, I will repeat the now obvious point: the Modern Gil seems to always, consistently and without fail, just trail off in the end. And we find ourselves forsaken yet again.

    Comment by g2design — December 10, 2016 @ 8:17 pm

  12. That last panel remind anyone of another last arc panel earlier this year? Yeah, thought so. That’s some real phonin’ it in bullshit right there, Whig.

    Comment by teenchy — December 10, 2016 @ 9:19 pm

  13. g2design, hey man, we run the loosest ship around here, so let it all hang out. Comments are good. Opening up your brain to strangers is fun!

    Multiple links in the comment seems to be the trigger to getting stuck waiting for whoever wrote the post to check their email or glance at the TWIM “dashboard” on their preferred device. I used to write long ass comments meandering off into my own musings about Gil Thorp and Milford. That’s why Jason recruited me to fill in and ultimately take over this venture. Haha, I’m pulling your leg. I was the only one that said I wanted to do it the first time Jason asked for volunteers…I think,,,oh well, now I’m lucky to come up with a sentence a panel for this nonsense. But again, it’s just about reaching out and sharing levity and twisted thinking with like-minded folks.

    On Buffalo Tom, I must have missed the boat on them. I always mixed them up with Grant Lee Buffalo. I did remember an episode of My So Called Life when Angela Chase had to come up with a cover story so she could stay out late and sneak into a club to see Buffalo Tom play, and the word was that Jordan Catalano was going to be there too! The band might have even got a 30 second appearance on network TV while Claire Danes snogged away on Jared Leto.

    Comment by nedryerson — December 10, 2016 @ 9:29 pm

  14. “Buffalo” was a thing in the 90’s apparently. I took lots of flack from friends about Buff Tom and Grant Lee – and keeping them straight. The latter had a few CDs that were excellent and worth seeking out, including Copperopolis and Might Joe Moon. Grant Lee Phillips could write himself some lyrics; see American Snoring or Even The Oxen for a couple of examples.

    If this type of music catches your ear, then I highly recommend a spin thru the Buffalo Tom catalog as well. However, their appearance on MSCL, which I actually really liked at the time and I still enjoy Claire Dane’s work today… I digress. Their appearance on MSCL really validated them for me at the time – but now seems a little shark-jumpy in retrospect.

    Comment by g2design — December 11, 2016 @ 12:20 pm

  15. So if Heather is such a fucking football genius, why doesn’t she work with multiple players (most importantly the QB, who clearly needs her help?)

    What’s with this one-at-a-time bullshit? And Gilberto is WAY too lazy to install a run-heavy offense utilizing the fullback, and Heather knows it…

    What a shitty storyline and a shitty season…

    Comment by hitorque — December 12, 2016 @ 8:14 am

  16. […] and Captain Renault fashion. (This twin figures walking away into the shadows to end an arc thing is becoming a Whigham hallmark.)  All that’s missing is Tina Aagard boarding a plane with letters of […]

    Pingback by I’m shocked – SHOCKED! – that this story is ending! | This Week in Milford — April 1, 2017 @ 2:04 pm


RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: