This Week in Milford

December 29, 2016

Don’t You Mean ‘Them Apples’?

Filed under: Milford Idiots — nedryerson @ 4:46 am


The Aaron Aagard Show will resume shortly, but first let’s check in with the rest of the school, well, two people. Ken Brown and one of those guys with the oddly shaped tonsures. C’mon Ken, be a leader. Tell that useless goober to get on the stick and contribute. No way, says Ken. I don’t bark like a trained seal. Plus my forehead is really protruding all of the sudden and I think I’m developing some sort of hunch…..

and heeeeeere’s Aaron!! <applause>

Hey ladies and germs! Are you ready for some tired shtick?!



  1. Excuse me didn’t Ken Brown bark at Aaaaaaaron at the last game for his
    non-participation? A little of this kid goes a long way. Time for Gil to have a come to Jesus meeting with him.

    Comment by Bobby Joe — December 29, 2016 @ 7:03 am

  2. Agreed. We get it. He doesn’t take things seriously and flakes out. Hopefully tomorrow is Ken and the monks telling him to get with the program.

    Alternately, tomorrow may be a hilarious strip in which Aaron attempts to use his flippers to juggle apples.

    Comment by drewfunk — December 29, 2016 @ 7:05 am

  3. I’ll deal with Amateur Hour later. Right now, I am still recovering from Future Shock from the Christmas greetings the other day. The whippersnappers fail to understand us Gil Thorp purists who are used to Gil throwing a chair out on the floor over an official’s call then singing “Silent Night”, “Jingle Bells”, and “O Tannenbaum” in P3 as a way of saying Merry Christmas. This panaromic doo-doo is exactly that.
    Still, all is not lost. Mimi attempting to don the snowman with a helmet inspired me with a tune which I better express now before the Holiday season is officially over. It took a while, the hangover still lingering a bit but here it is,

    (Sung to “Frosty the Snowman”)
    Frosty the Lineman was the best end in M-Town
    With some fine teeth-guard and secure jock strap
    And a helmet on his crown
    Frosty the Lineman is a fairy tale they say
    He was made of snow but Milford knows
    How he brought his game one day

    He blocked and tackled every down
    And helped the team to score
    And when the Mudlarks shut ’em down
    He bashed their heads some more

    Thumpety Thump Thump, Thumpety Thump Thump
    Watch ol’ Frosty bash
    Thumpety Thump Thump, Thumpety Thump Thump
    Tilden’s gonna crash

    Ooh, Frosty the Lineman kicked New Thayer in the gut
    And Oakwood didn’t stand a chance
    They escaped to save their butts

    There must have been some magic in that helmet which they found
    As Mimi placed it on his head, he mashed Gil in the ground

    Ooh, Frosty the Lineman had to hurry after Fall
    But he waved goodbye
    Sayin’ don’t you cry
    I’ll be back for bas-ket-ballll

    Whew! Glad that’s over. I Wonder if there’s any more Milford Dairy Egg Nog in the fridge.

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — December 29, 2016 @ 8:09 am

  4. Oddly tonsured guy should get Aagard to insult Ken’s mother. That got Ken Brown barking at Barry Bader.

    Comment by billytheskink — December 29, 2016 @ 9:17 am

  5. Ned, you didn’t KNOW?? Our hero is preparing for his open audition for “America’s Got Talent”, held at the Milford Auditorium this afternoon. The Aamazing Aardvark will juggle apples, pears, oranges, kumquats, mangoes, plums, prunes, roma tomatoes, and organic bananas while doing the Funky Chicken to the music of “Freak Out” by Chic. Best to get an early seat.

    A few years later
    Piers Morgan: “Okay, so what are you going to do for us?”
    Aamazing Aardvark: “I’m going to juggle coconuts, bowling balls, ping pong balls, and a Wilson basketball while walking a tightrope over a pool of sharks and whistling “In Excelsis Deo” and “The Milford Fight Song”.
    Piers Morgan: “All right. The stage is yours.”

    Today’s headline in the Milford Enquirer:
    “Giant 865-Lb. Turnip Emerges out of Milford HS Ball Diamond!!!!!! Leading Scientists and Agronomists Conduct Investigation!!!!!!!”
    Sub headline: “Coach Thorp: ‘They Should Be Able to Wrap Up Research and Have That Damn Thing Uprooted by First Pitch.'”

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — December 29, 2016 @ 1:54 pm

  6. In panel 1, I am pretty sure that is Kevin Palooka making the observation which annoys Ken Brown. If true, this is worrisome, as it implies that almost anyone from that incoherent fall plot could reappear during basketball.

    But no matter. The pattern is established: Aa Aa has manic episodes, such as the present one. Just not at the right times. Not seeing a clear pattern of cause. But that’s ok– basketball started before Christmas, which leaves lots of time before baseball begins in May.

    Comment by vaganova — December 29, 2016 @ 2:19 pm

  7. Getting mixed signals on Aaaaron here. Is he the dance-all-night club kid of his habits and hairstyle, or is he the retro hipster revealed in his tired shtick? I mean, shouldn’t he be sporting a handlebar mustache and a monocle as he tries to juggle and tell old jokes? Oh, you kid! 23 skidoo!

    Comment by John S. Walters — December 29, 2016 @ 9:47 pm

  8. […] case! I couldn’t recall AaAa’s apple gag so I looked it up. The relevant strips were essentially a pre-hash of the story in today’s strip. I’m not entirely clear how serial apple […]

    Pingback by They Like Him In His Own Weird Way | This Week in Milford — February 1, 2017 @ 9:43 am

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