This Week in Milford

January 5, 2017

Googling Molly

Filed under: freak hands, google nonsense, The Bucket — nedryerson @ 4:55 am


We now return you to Mike Granger and Ken Brown, Boy Detectives. Mike and Ken are working a case to determine if Aaron Aagard is rolling on molly on the regs or just plain flakey. The first snag they hit is that Ken Brown’s fingers might be too freakishly big to efficiently google molly. His iPhone looks like a pack of gum in those mitts! Then, our investigators must grapple with how to proceed with their information. Who needs to know about Aagard’s fondness for disco biscuits*? Stay tuned for more Mike Granger and Ken Brown, Boy Detectives.

I’m enjoying the foreground tray of Bucket chow. Nice touch, Whigham.

*slang term for molly found by googling it




  1. I wish I could help, but I certainly should not google “doing molly” while at work.

    Comment by drewfunk — January 5, 2017 @ 7:00 am

  2. If you’re referencing the Blythe Danner movie, it would be “Googlin’ Molly”, & they’ll be at it for the next 40 years.

    Anyhow, I did it yesterday, just to make sure it was good old 3,4-methylenedioxy-methamphetamine.

    Comment by Downpuppy (@Downpuppy) — January 5, 2017 @ 7:56 am

  3. When I first glanced at today’s strip, my first thought was OH MY GOD HOW BIG IS THAT BURGER KEN IS EATING??? But then I noticed it’s on a tray in the foreground. On the other hand, those beverages are freakishly small for modern-day Big Gulp standards. Twelve ounces — you call that a drink?

    As for the Idiot Boy Detectives, maybe it should occur to Team Leader Ken Brown to, oh, I don’t know, talk to Aaaaron before jumping to conclusions?

    Comment by John S. Walters — January 5, 2017 @ 8:24 am

  4. Dang Google. You used to have to solve these things by laying a shiny quarter on the gas can in Encyclopedia Brown’s garage.

    Comment by billytheskink — January 5, 2017 @ 8:29 am

  5. I’m in the camp with the “Molly is a girl” theorists. Which makes the opening line, “So Aagard is doing Molly.” all the more awkward. Let’s see Whigham tastefully draw those panels…

    PS I was intending to weave in Girl Shaped Love Drug somehow. Turns out it’s also a movie(?)

    Comment by g2design — January 5, 2017 @ 8:56 am

  6. Jive Turkey, good listen from your suggestion. Not too shabby. Being a Black Sabbath fan growing up, it’s got a lot of Sabbie in it. I will spread the word.

    Today’s comments are hilarious(touché, Ned) and I debated joining in the fun with the bar being raised but here goes.
    John S. Walters: Yeah, I agree, I don’t think too many teenagers are going to order a Big Mac, fries, and Colombian Decaf or a chili dog and Hills Brothers Select. With Coffee-Mate Caramel? Hope the teenager doesn’t get zits.
    billytheskink: Good one. I had an Encyclopedia Brown brewing in my head the other day but it never foamed to the surface. Taking your tag…
    “Hey, dude, check it out. Bugs Meany IS a drug. This Google article says you snort it through your nose like cocaine. It’s a greenish silvery powder shipped out of Costa Rica.”

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — January 5, 2017 @ 9:04 am

  7. If Molly is a girl then this farce has gone on too long. Though I do realize school isn’t out until September in Milford.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — January 5, 2017 @ 9:07 am

  8. You know what makes me really sick to my stomach? Nobody, I mean NOBODY puts cottage cheese on a hot dog.

    Comment by Moon Mullins — January 5, 2017 @ 10:04 am

  9. Okay Moon Mullins, you win the Actually Almost Made Me Spit My Coffee Out Comment of the Day Award.

    How do you feel about cole slaw? I saw a guy order a couple slaw dogs when I was a kid and it still haunts me.

    Comment by nedryerson — January 5, 2017 @ 10:10 am

  10. I am going to slightly alter the song “Dead Flowers” from The Rolling Stones off of their “Sticky Fingers”album.

    Well, while you’re sitting back
    In your rose-pink Cadillac
    Making bets on Kentucky Derby

    I’ll be in my basement room
    With some Molly and a spoon
    And some Milford Lite to take my pain

    “Good Gawd, Keith, wha’s wi’ yo’ ohb-session
    wi’ Moh-lee? Isshe a guh-lee guhl ya day-ted at th’ Cah-vern Cluhb?”

    Today’s headline from the Milford Enquirer

    “Aardvark: God, I Love Molly!!! Best Trip Around!!!”

    On page 7
    “…will never forget the field trip Molly Smith and I took to the Milford Zoo. God, I love Molly!!! We loved the rhino exhibit. And that ride on the tram was a blast!!! We zoomed into Hippoland and the Monkey Boat. Best trip around!!!”

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — January 5, 2017 @ 10:45 am

  11. Now come on, T. Drew Hardin. The Cavern Club was the Beatles early days haunt in Liverpool. The Stones were at The Crawdaddy Club, down in London….I was just reading Ian Whitcomb’s Rock Odyssey and it was all in there: winklepickers and bum freezers, jam butties, all that stuff.

    Comment by nedryerson — January 5, 2017 @ 11:28 am

  12. Ned, Way ahead of you. I thought of that myself and realizing that the Rolling Stones were from London, I was reluctant to put that in. I knew that The Cavern Club was a Beatles stronghold(actually, still is as of this writing as a replica was built with many of the old bricks to construct the modernized version) BUT the Rolling Stones did make appearances there(not sure how many), so did The Who, another London group. In the end, if the joke didn’t work, I’m sorry and I’ll let the audience decide. I’ve walked away before.

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — January 5, 2017 @ 12:03 pm

  13. I’ll let it slide T. Drew. Seriously, I don’t quibble over stuff posted here for reals. (Plus I seem to have lots of extra time on my hands today.) We are talking about some arcane details from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away from The Bucket.

    Comment by nedryerson — January 5, 2017 @ 12:32 pm

  14. Glad you liked Electric Wizard, T Drew. As all good stoner/doom metal bands they indeed have a Sabbath foundation. Another good one is Bongzilla though the vocalist is a little harsh til you get used to him. A must listen from them is a cover of Muddy Waters’ Champagne and reefer. Throw in Local H’s version of Dead Flowers too. I hope we find out who or what Molly is tomorrow.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — January 5, 2017 @ 2:24 pm

  15. Ken, to answer your question, yes, you should “tell anyone.” No, not “anyone,” but someone who can help. In this sense, Gil or Kaz would be preferable to Chief Lind. Some may feel you never rat out a teammate, but Aa Aa’s life could easily be at stake: people die from molly every day. Without a doubt the players agreed to a conduct pledge before the season, and the coaches could readily boot Aa Aa from the team, but I suspect they would rather help him get out of the jam he has put himself in. They are already concerned about his inconsistency, and having worked with teenagers since 1493, Gil’s short list of possible explanations must already include drug abuse.

    Comment by vaganova — January 5, 2017 @ 2:40 pm

  16. Sorry I haven’t been around… This storyline just isn’t good enough to keep me interested…

    Comment by hitorque — January 6, 2017 @ 8:31 am

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