This Week in Milford

February 25, 2017

Marginally Adequate, Unlike This Plot


Good grief, now Rubin’s really phoning it in. So tempted to do the same but you all have been pretty kind to me since my return so, gentle readers, I must make the effort. I do appreciate the rabbit hole of old candy bar ads yesterday. I don’t remember Chocolatey Pay Days very well, but Pay Days themselves were pretty popular where I grew up. Then again I grew up in a part of the country where people were wont to throw salted peanuts in a bottle of Coke or Pepsi so there’s that.

It would be nice if “marginally adequate” was defined, especially given that no other Mudlark’s stats have been mentioned. It would be “marginally adequate” to tell us who Milford’s opponents were and the game result, but I guess if your only goal is to show us that a couple of nosy parker players have turned their coach into a nosy parker then, hey, mission accomplished. Also, mighty nice of Gil and Mimi to leave the house to get their drink on once in a while. No probs hiding a flask in the jacket pocket to sneak into the Coffee Cantina.

My highlight of the day: back dimples on raver at P1, lower left. She’s gone all Mardi Gras in her party bra on us. Laissez les bons temps rouler!



  1. P3: Gil(snapping his fingers in a EUREKA moment): “Mimi, I GOT IT!!!!!!!!! It’s that Lawrence Welk music Aardvark trips out on at the club he frequents. He and Molly get stoned off “The Tennessee Waltz” plus that accordion from “Tie a Yellow Ribbon” gets into his head and it’s no wonder why he couldn’t block out a 3rd-grader on the rebound, let alone dunk a sponge.”
    P1: Even as I speak, there appears to be a malfunction in the bubble machine that Mr. Welk utilizes liberally throughout his show. The mechanic should have put 10W40 in the gears. Ah, well, kids don’t seem to care. No harm, no foul.

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — February 25, 2017 @ 9:24 am

  2. Didn’t take Gil long to go from “I’ll walk in on Mrs. Aagard at her job” to “Get detective Gadget out of my office” to “I DO want to intrude”. We’re talking serious mood swings. Ask your doctor if electroshock therapy is right for you!
    One reason this plot is not moving is: there’s pretty much no one who really wants anything they don’t already have. Ahab wanted to kill the white whale, Marley’s ghost wanted Scrooge to change, and Hamlet wanted to avenge his father’s death. Readers would stick around to see how it turned out. Do we really care whether Granger figures out Aaron? Or whether Gil can maintain focus more than three strips in a row?

    Comment by Philip — February 25, 2017 @ 12:15 pm

  3. When I saw P 3 I was also thinking Lawrence Welk,T Drew. Call me square but I’d rather be at a Lawrence Welk show than a rave. But as Butthead once said about Pearl Jam and Stone Temple Pilots,”who cares, they both suck!”

    Comment by Jive Turkey — February 25, 2017 @ 1:12 pm

  4. We have at least two panthea here in Milford, one for hair and one for mysterious objects. I propose a third, for elocutions heard nowhere else. The ultimate classic is of course Kaz’s “Ease up, friend,” but today’s strip alone gives us two: “a marginally adequate game,” and “Something truly peculiar is going on.”

    Comment by vaganova's chiropractor — February 25, 2017 @ 1:58 pm

  5. Whoa, sorry for the typo: I inadvertently misquoted Kaz’s “Ease up, friend,” an offense comparable to pissing in the fireplace at the Waldorf.
    Fixed! – TimP

    Comment by vaganova's chiropractor — February 25, 2017 @ 2:01 pm

  6. Many thanks!

    Comment by vaganova's chiropractor — February 25, 2017 @ 7:42 pm

  7. Your point’s well-taken, Jive Turkey. Your Butthead observation just about sizes things up here(though I DO like Pearl Jam and Stone Temple Pilots), i. e., whether Aardvark and Molly are jamming to Lawrence Welk or Kill The Noise or a Close-n-Play selection, the plotline downright sucks.
    How many times do we gotta see Aardvark, Molly, the Professor and Mary Ann, Archie & The Gang, and the rest of the generic stoners bubbling in an aquarium while Gil gets stuck in the mud disguised as an Allstate agent? Even Kaz is saying, without saying, get this plotline towed out of the ditch and back on the Turnpike. Come on, Gil, baseball is gathering steam.
    But it looks like Friday and Gannon are sending The Hardy Boys home and we endure another tepid stakeout to appease the plotline gods.
    “It was 10:35AM. It was raining lightly in Milford. We were assigned to Special Psychopathia Investigations. The boss is Captain Ek. My partner, Gannon, noticed Mrs. Aardvark coming to work every other week. This probably explained why she was paid every two weeks but something still didn’t add up. Why was Aardvark playing like Wilt the Stilt one game and the Bad News Bears the next? We couldn’t see any connection between the two. We went to the Crime Labs to examine Mrs. Aardvark’s pay stubs.”

    Today’s headline from the Milford Enquirer
    “Marty Moon Doing His Best Travolta At The Kill The Noise Concert!!!!!!!!!!!”
    “Moon: ‘Peaches And I Haven’t Boogied Like This Since The Bee-Gees.'”

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — February 25, 2017 @ 11:21 pm

  8. In the absence of anything memorable in our current “Das Boot” of a plotline (submarine suffers series of disasters, iinches slowly and painfully toward home base, and you just know they’re not going to make it), I’ll offer a piece of comics trivia regarding black brassieres.

    “Modesty Blaise” was an absolutely wonderful daily adventure strip from Great Britain that ran from the early Sixties to the early 00’s. The title character was a beautiful woman with a checkered past who was extremely capable and extremely deadly. In the British original, she would very occasionally be shown topless. Such was a step too far for the small number of American papers that offered the strip, so the syndicator would clumsily slap a “bra” on her. If shown topless from the back, they’d draw a black line indicating the presence of a bra. The oddly-angled bra strap on the raver in panel 1 looks like it was hastily added at the last minute.

    That’s all. Carry on.

    Comment by John S. Walters — February 26, 2017 @ 12:18 pm

  9. John S., GOOD comparison. I saw the movie too and I wouldn’t be surprised that if any of our writers see the movie, they’ll see the same plotline painstakingly crawling at caterpillar proportions, risking getting the SURPRISE towards the end, just like The Aardvark Sanction is doing now. John le Carre mysteries are Al Unser at the Indy 500 compared to the butterfly FINALLY shedding its cocoon.

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — February 26, 2017 @ 12:39 pm

  10. There is so much craziness here that I am not surprised no one has remarked on the p3 backdrop. I did not realize that Milford– and I considered myself halfway expert0– had a museum devoted to the boring of the Holland Tunnel, let alone that it had a cafeteria.

    Comment by vaganova's chiropractor — February 26, 2017 @ 6:04 pm

  11. Vag’s Chiro – Kaz overreacted at that concert. I mean, who wouldn’t want to hear Tarzana Nights, so they could leave instead of hearing the rest of her shitty songs? I’ve been to a Mountain Goats concert where the guy behind me yelled “Freebird” and I wanted to gouge his eyes out but just kept my cool.. However, “Ease up friend” is one of the best lines in the Thorpiverse,

    Comment by southmauldin — February 26, 2017 @ 6:11 pm

  12. […] “marginally adequate” game – ? […]

    Pingback by An Insult to Poodles | This Week in Milford — March 25, 2017 @ 9:19 am

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