This Week in Milford

March 2, 2017

“it’s not just a mint, it’s an oxycodone”


“My mom’s drugs. Thalidomide, to be specific. You see, Coach, Mom has leprosy. That’s why she works from home and in the back office of that seedy old hardware store – she doesn’t want to be seen. That’s also why she doesn’t come to our games.

“She was prescribed thalidomide to treat some of its side effects. She knew she wasn’t supposed to be pregnant when she took it, or become pregnant, but she did anyway.  Now here I am, with my left hand attached to my shoulder like a flipper. Why else do you think I can’t hit the boards the way you want?”

Okay, you tell me whose hand that is in P1 then. Thing from The Addams Family in his recurring role as co-interrogator with smug-faced Gil?

“Aaron, those are Tic Tacs. She got ’em from Bobby Howry down at the MILFORD RECREATION CENTER.”

What a ham-handed way to work a current health crisis into the strip. And to think we could’ve had a Lady Mudlarks story arc running in parallel to this. Just as well; Rubin only had to introduce one character to fail the Bechdel Test this go ’round.



  1. When I call the next day’s revelation, you know the development has been foreshadowed to death. Earth to Rubin: the purpose of foreshadowing is not to let the reader “see the future,” but to make the outcome seem reasonable once it happens…

    Comment by vaganova's chiropractor — March 2, 2017 @ 8:03 am

  2. Well, not every deadbeat mother can be as entertaining as Jolene Raptor…

    Comment by billytheskink — March 2, 2017 @ 8:29 am

  3. 1. Why the fuck is this Gil’s business and why would Aaron even tell him? What could he possibly expect his basketball coach to do?

    Comment by Hitorque — March 2, 2017 @ 8:39 am

  4. As a kid, sometimes the last couple of ‘tacs would get caught up in the underside of the lid and you couldn’t shake them loose. Back then, the way the lid was molded, there was this little “fin” of plastic on the underside, perfectly sized to trap a few little white goodies: you could see ’em, but you couldn’t shake them loose.

    I wonder if poor Ms Aa struggles with those last few oxy’s like that. That would be really sad. That, and this.

    Comment by g2design — March 2, 2017 @ 8:56 am

  5. The next thing Gil SHOULD do is call in the professionals — counselor, social worker, whatever — because this is something that’s clearly out of the realm of a basketball coach.

    The next thing Gil WILL do is set up some off-the-books, ethically squicky way of forcing a resolution, and it’ll all work out in two shakes. Maybe he’ll call his buddy the police chief and set up some fake sting operation that will make Mrs. Aa come to her senses.

    And, in the meantime, it’ll all drag out just long enough to keep Milford out of the playdowns.

    Comment by John S. Walters — March 2, 2017 @ 11:26 am

  6. MORE IMPORTANTLY, we’ve found the origin of Aaron’s hairstyle. He gets so angry when talking about his mom’s addiction, he tears all the hair off of one side of his head.

    Of course, none of this reveals why Aaron is inconsistent as a player, why he can predict when he’ll be good, or what his girlfriend Molly has to do with any of it. I smell a deflection from Aaron’s true issue.

    Comment by drewfunk — March 2, 2017 @ 12:10 pm

  7. This is one of those times when Mfnrd’s actual location might be relevant. In setting out to find out what makes his center so maddeningly inconsistent, he may have blundered into one of two things, or perhaps both– illegal activity my Mrs Aa, or actions placing a minor in danger. State law on what a school official can do, must do, and cannot do varies by the state. In my years in the classroom, I was in a category known as “mandated reporter.” What this meant was that I was protected from suits if I mistakenly reported a kid was being neglected or living in the vicinity of criminal activity, but also that I could be prosecuted if I had knowledge of such things but did NOT call the state hot line. And in this instance, there is every reason to suspect both things, unless Aaron’s lethargy is psychological and his apple trick really is just a matter of his being a jerk and not a way of securing food when there isn’t any at home.

    Comment by vaganova's chiropractor — March 2, 2017 @ 1:19 pm

  8. Well, one thing we can say for today’s strip, if nothing else, is that evidently Gil has been frequenting Planet Fitness at the Milford Megamall with Jack LaLanne and The Michelin Man. Those Power Juicers’ll help stare down a defenseless teenager who can’t juggle apples anytime. Joe Friday has Archie Andrews on the ropes, baby. I’m just waiting for that somber jingle every time Thorp/Friday zaps our victim with a clever retort. Oh, wait, this is Thorpiverse. Dragnet might, pardon the pun, drag on for another couple of months. Just short of baseball season when they’re doing warmups in the gym,we MIGHT hear “The story you have just seen is true, the names…”
    Maybe that’s why Gannon got added into the script, to remind Friday, er, Thorp when 1st pitch was scheduled.
    I have watched the video from “Shanghai Surprise” from George Harrison and have concluded that the plotline is similar to this mess, i. e., it resembles an Etch-a-Sketch pattern perpetrated by an 8-year-old. To paraphrase Harrison, “It’s a hell of a way to see Milford.”

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — March 2, 2017 @ 3:01 pm

  9. drewfunk, interesting that you brought up Aardvark’s hairdo. He could meld with Harrison’s Crackerbox Palace crowd and nobody would notice. Except he might be the only of them who can dunk but that’d be it. Swingin’ with those Munchkins on those rocks, man, that’s sexy, Aardvark.

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — March 2, 2017 @ 3:34 pm

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