This Week in Milford

March 11, 2017

Come for the Gun Show, Stay for the Hypotheticals

Filed under: big arms, Coach Kaz, Gil Thorp, hideous scar faces, Milford Weirdos — teenchy @ 12:02 pm


I know Kaz is on record as regretting getting his tat, but if it has the power to migrate from one arm to the other, it must be pretty special. Maybe that’s why he hasn’t had it removed. Not sure what’s got Gil lathered up more: Kaz’s gun show, his own puny bicep curls, or memories of Hobart, Bill “Wildcat” Maris or some other pains in the ass on the Booster Club/School Board who’ll try to meddle in his efforts to help Aaron get those three squares he so desperately needs.

After the workout it’s off to the shiny halls of Milford High, where Gil and the COUNSELOR continue to speak obtusely past each other about Tina Aagard. Maybe Tina’ll get some dinner (if not some jail time) out of the deal, too.


  1. I didn’t realize high school sports had the same draconian rules as the NCAA. Sounds like Kaz is worried that Gil may have blown AaAa’s eligibility through improper benefits.

    Comment by Nate — March 11, 2017 @ 12:48 pm

  2. Counselor’s Office, Monday morning: “Gil, it took me about three minutes to figure out this “hypothetical” case of yours. Tina Aagard, right? The cops are on their way to her dumpy apartment even as we speak.”

    Comment by John S. Walters — March 11, 2017 @ 3:16 pm

  3. Nice tweety bird arms, Gil.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — March 11, 2017 @ 3:48 pm

  4. At least in New York State, it’s not so much NCAA style rules as it is regs prohibiting gifts, etc, between teachers and students. I think any competent attorney could easily show that Gil and Kaz are simply trying to keep Aa from fainting from hunger, but the regs were written to cover less well-intended acts. One obvious instance is the appearance of bribery– Heather gives Mr Kaz a gift certificate to Schultz’s Polynesian Paradise then magically gets an A in Civics. But other cases are more sinister, such as that of the NY teacher who treated a student to not just a meal, but also took her to a nude beach and gave her a date rape drug before some other stuff happened. So the regs may at times be draconian, but they do not arise from nothing.

    Comment by vaganova — March 11, 2017 @ 4:25 pm

  5. Before I switch back to Comedy Mode, Nate and Vaganova, your questions are fair, and having been a high school booster for eons, my guess would be that Gil is still within his bounds(although arguably not the wisest course to take) to pay for Aardvark’s dinner and the High School Athletic Association would probably let it slide since essentially no unfair advantage was gained as Gil was simply trying to get to the bottom of a problem in relation to his team. Where Gil would run into problems would come from a School Board, especially ones with multiple schools in its district, who would say if you do it for one, you gotta do it for ALL. Therefore, and I’m betting the HSAA would agree, if he’s not getting his 3 squares for WHATEVER reason which inhibits his ability to perform his sport, he needs to go through the proper channels, more than likely a combo School Lunch/Food Stamp setup so Gil doesn’t wind up looking like he’s footing the bill when better procedures are in order. Otherwise, Aardvark has to step down from the team if he or Coach Thorp are not willing to comply which more than likely wouldn’t happen should this happen in real life(not in Thorpiverse, in other words-ha). When my nephew ran cross country and we went to out-of-city meets or Regionals and Semi-States, money was alloted through our high school athletic office for meal money(e. g., the friendly trip to McDonald’s)after the meets to pay for ALL the athletes in the team. Key word again is ALL. As long as there was money in the budget and ALL the athletes were fed after a contest, no problem ensued. Although, again, Gil was more than likely within his bounds, I’m not encouraging that to be a pattern.

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — March 11, 2017 @ 8:08 pm

  6. Concerning the free meal, I would hope common sense would prevail. Back to what I consider comedy, even if I’m amusing only myself, Gil is the consummate pencil neck geek.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — March 11, 2017 @ 10:09 pm

  7. T Drew and JT reinforce the point I was endeavoring to make, that despite their transparently proper motives, Gil and Kaz are probably outside the white lines painted to govern less well intended efforts.

    Comment by vaganova — March 11, 2017 @ 10:35 pm

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