This Week in Milford

April 11, 2017

We’ll be calling him “The Friendly Brain”

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Today the high-rolling Milford School Board veep gets a mashup name from the famed comic and cartoon character and the famed pro wrestling heel manager but one that yields no Google results on its own.  He looks like a slightly paunchy version of Gil, and the trifecta of head bobble, exploding eye and freak hand (missing an amputated sixth digit between index and middle fingers) make him right at home in Milford.

He’s clearly capable of picking up a phone and calling Dr. Pearl who, with that broken right wrist of hers, may have had to put him on speaker.  The good doctor relays his message to Ms. Rizk, who replies with a deft pop culture/product placement zinger of her own.  She may not be much of a journalist, but she knows where she stayed last night.

A couple of cameos to report: the Funkyverse’s Les Moore joins the Milford faculty after having his face slapped for being such a pretentious douche, and an off-camera cameo by Rex Morgan, MD‘s daughter Sarah, who obviously hand-lettered Dr. Pearl’s name plate.

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15 Comments »

  1. Hey, I see possibilities in this plot. T Drew is on the right track with this wrestling stuff. Heenan? Wonderful!
    “I tell you what! These ham n eggers in Milford couldn’t tell the difference between a first class plane ticket and a first class stamp! But then they don’t attach mailboxes to their trailers. Might tip it over!”
    Ned I think Buddy Guy plays a month long gig at his club every February . But check him out next year before too late.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — April 11, 2017 @ 10:19 am

  2. If they make Casper slightly more porcine he’s Jason Chaffetz.
    I went to a school board meeting last week. Other than a bare quorum of members, nobody at all there. They could get away with a lot.

    Comment by Downpuppy (@Downpuppy) — April 11, 2017 @ 10:55 am

  3. Casper’s phone call interrupted Dr. Pearl’s duties as usher at a wedding.

    Too early plot prediction: Volcano becomes romantically interested/attached to Dancin Dafne. Casper begins stalking her to get some dirt to throw back at her. Eventually he goes the North Bend route, showing up to softball games with derogatory signs about how she, I dunno, put her mouth on the water fountain in 5th grade maybe? or something more ripped from the headlines. Cane blows his top, assaults Hobart, er, Casper, and gets expelled. But Gil (completely sidelined for this plot) makes an impassioned speech at the school board, who fire Casper and reinstate Cane, but not before Milford gets eliminated from Playdowns contention.

    Also, Les Moore is never seen again. That’s not a prediction. It’s an ultimatum. Funky Winkerbean must never spread.

    Comment by drewfunk — April 11, 2017 @ 11:29 am

  4. Thanks again, Jive Turkey. Once the Wrestling Humor hemisphere of my brain kicks in, it’s hard to resist the deluge that ensues(ha). And I agree with your comments the other day that the softball plot, well, to quote Rick Nelson, I’d rather drive a truck. Baseball might have a chance. You da man.

    teenchy, I DID think that was Coach T. for a second but noticed that the hair was bluer plus Gil favored a more natural pompadour, leaning in the direction of The Everly Brothers. Our villain may run up a tab at the expense of the Milford School Corporation then banish anybody from The Rat Pack(didn’t Joey Bishop do something similar?-can’t remember) should that become front page news but he’s not stuck in the ’50’s. For now.
    And in P3, Grandma Moses is getting to be about, what, 157 years old? When she’s not pursuing her 7th reprint of “Sugaring Off”, she works part-time as a sleaze journalist. And apprenticing an Ida-Tarbell-wannabe, that’s a bonus. Aldous Huxley said it best: After Many a Summer, Dies The Swan.

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — April 11, 2017 @ 12:20 pm

  5. I do love recurring characters– Isn’t this Jungle Jim who rode his kid to play better basketball until Gil asked him what sneaker size he wore? And Hobart, and about five other entitled jerks?

    Comment by vaganova's doorman — April 11, 2017 @ 1:04 pm

  6. BIG RAY Gregory! I think he was only drawn by Frank Bolle, so alas, we will never know what he really looked like.

    Comment by drewfunk — April 11, 2017 @ 2:31 pm

  7. @vaganova’s doorman: It’s the Milfordverse… EVERYBODY is an overly entitled jerk…

    Comment by Hitorque — April 11, 2017 @ 3:11 pm

  8. @T. Drew: Nice Grandma Moses reference. One of my great-grandfathers was named Moses, but that’s a story for another time.

    Comment by teenchy — April 11, 2017 @ 3:22 pm

  9. That is indeed a school secretary. They’d all be fired for insubordinate snark if they didn’t know so much dirt about their bosses.

    Comment by Stephen Paradis — April 11, 2017 @ 5:21 pm

  10. If Casper “The Brain” Heenan thinks he can have a girl expelled for writing a faculty-approved article, he doesn’t deserve his inferred nickname.

    Of course, he’s a bit jowly, and everybody knows that overweight adults are always, ALWAYS wrong or evil in the Thorpiverse. It’s like how anyone with long sideburns is a bad guy in “Mark Trail.”

    Comment by John S. Walters — April 11, 2017 @ 6:34 pm

  11. Expelling a student for a story approved by the teacher?? (as all journalism articles were in my school) Total bs as usual!

    Comment by robmize2013 — April 11, 2017 @ 7:52 pm

  12. I woke this morning with a realization: what if the entire baseball season is just Dafne writing weirder and weirder expose’s about Casper, and him sputtering more and more inappropriate threats? “HEENAN ALSO BAD TIPPER” “Wha… Huh… I’ll string that girl up by her big toes!!”

    Comment by drewfunk — April 12, 2017 @ 6:22 am

  13. Of course the *REAL* story here is Milford City/County not being in compliance with the rest of the state by having a proper voucher/reimbursement program and a travel office which signs off on business trips, but that’s not my business…

    Comment by Hitorque — April 12, 2017 @ 7:31 am

  14. Ned, I think you’re pretty much close to the truth on Huxley’s novel. His storylines were bizarre, in my opinion, with a caustic antipathy towards the upper class so I can understand your lack of enthusiasm. BTW, love those Blues, Jazz, Rock ‘n Roll videos you display. Keep ’em coming.
    Teenchy, thanks for the thumbs up. To frequently quote Norman Greenbaum, “Soon as what’s in ya comes out.” When I love what I do, things flow. Thanks for the tip. I’m always learning and want to learn. LOVED your Les Moore jab. I SWEAR he looks like he just plopped out of Westview High School into Milford. Cartoonland will never be the same. I was anticipating Nancy and Sluggo to be standing by the water cooler but they’re kids and aren’t allowed in the teacher’s lounge.
    drewfunk, all the comments in this post are funny but your comment this morning took the prize. I was half-asleep when I read it and I’M AWAKE NOW. Good stuff.

    Today’s headline from the Milford Enquirer

    “O. J.: ‘I only took ONE continental breakfast at the hotel where Keenan was staying!!!! It was free anyway!!!! And I reported to the police station in a timely manner.'”
    Judge Ito advises Cochran on discretionary actions in the future.

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — April 12, 2017 @ 8:38 am

  15. HEENAN. Darn, ruined a good headline. Musta been something in the breakfast burrito this morning. It tasted kinda funny.

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — April 12, 2017 @ 8:43 am


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