This Week in Milford

June 10, 2017

Maybe, But Does Ryan Have a Super Bowl Ring?


Today’s big highlight is getting to watch Papa Van Auken morph from Dabney Coleman into Carl Brutananadilewski. Holy crap where did his eyelids go? Between Pop’s chest slap and summoned rage and Mom’s agitated temple rubbing, the Van Aukens are starting to pile it on in defense of their son. Granted the Valley is full of gossips with nothing better to do than play telephone and potentially ruin some kid’s life, but dad’s overreacting a bit himself. It’s not like Alyssa and Ryan got married or anything.

is Gil gonna buy their version of the “Ryan hit Alyssa” story? Will he wait to get straight from the ‘Cane’s mouth? Or is a road trip to Central City to meet Alyssa in order? Those don’t often work out well for Milfordians…



  1. Gil’s lost interest at this point. He can’t believe he hasn’t been offered a cocktail yet. He’ll soon excuse himself to the bathroom and swig the rotgut in his flask.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — June 10, 2017 @ 4:24 pm

  2. Okay, we get it, Ryan’s just really, really, really, really innocent. And his dad has the devil’s own eyeballs.

    But Dad, I wouldn’t cite Ray Rice if I were you. Rice did acxtually deliver a vicious facepunch to his then-fiancee. You don’t want to be calling your son the Ray Rice of Central City.

    Comment by John S. Walters — June 10, 2017 @ 4:38 pm

  3. Mystery seemingly solved, and in about three panels. Where do we go from here? Does Gilberto try to help Ryan through this? Does Daffy complicate things as the scandal spreads at Mfnrd? Will it be necessary for Alyssa, or the baseball coach at Kingsburp, to intervene? Will Dabney Coleman, having delivered a convincing performance as Ryan’s father, return to character roles in B-movies?

    Comment by vaganova — June 10, 2017 @ 4:49 pm

  4. I wanna make a pair of mittens out of his eyebrows

    Comment by Knoxy — June 10, 2017 @ 4:56 pm

  5. Man, Dabney Coleman really cornered the market on playing obnoxious jerks back in the day: Tootsie, Modern Problems, 9 to 5, a short lived TV show called Buffalo Bill. Papa Van Auken really went from milquetoast to Coleman in short order.

    Comment by nedryerson — June 11, 2017 @ 9:41 am

  6. Are all Mfnrd dads stamped out ot the csame factory, or is this really Yousif Jarbo with his 2nd family?

    Comment by Downpuppy (@Downpuppy) — June 11, 2017 @ 12:42 pm

  7. Ned, you left out Dabney Coleman’s role on Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman. As well North Dallas 40. Like John Wayne he was great at playing one role in different settings. Dabney Coleman was my favorite movie jerk. I wonder what he is like in person…

    Comment by Rowdyman — June 11, 2017 @ 1:59 pm

  8. P2:”Oh, God, I got heartburn something fierce. Musta been that leftover shrimp scampi I ate out of the Red Lobster doggy bag. I’ll use the microwave next time. And real silverware, not those sporks you filch out of Circle K.”
    Cut to PA announcer
    “When Mr. Auken’s son is getting crucified while his teammates deny him 3 times before the Mudlark crows twice, made worse by his indiscriminate culinary practices, how does he spell relief?”
    Mrs. Van Auken finds a Magic Marker and writes “R-O-L-A-I-D-S” on her husband’s pate.

    Gil(to himself): “I had a Tums in my pocket somewhere.”

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — June 11, 2017 @ 5:43 pm

  9. P1:” Hello. My name’s Gil. I’m a recovering alcoholic.”
    Now that GT has spilled his guts before Captain and Mrs. Auken at the Salvation Army camp meeting, I turn my attention to P4(never thought I’d say that. I’m used to heckle-any-or-all-3, not these Roman Polanski mini-shots that I guess were meant to keep us non-cinematography people on our toes). That visage belongs on a painting, displayed between “Death in the Family” and “A Question of Fear” when Night Gallery eerily displays the artwork in its opening credits. The minute they show “Van Auken’s Choler” right after “Fright Night”, I’m maneuvering the remote to The Cartoon Channel.

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — June 11, 2017 @ 7:32 pm

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