This Week in Milford

July 7, 2017

Worlds Heaviest Pole- Vaulter

Filed under: Fat Guys, Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots — robmize2013 @ 9:01 am

So the black eye opens up a whole new can of worms, just what we need right? Now everything else is forgotten until the whodunnit on the B.E. is solved. I dont even think Jimmy knows what happened. And he’s apologizing for her maybe shoving him or whatever. I think he ran into a food tray to be honest. Looking at his expanding girth, he’s obviously been living in the school cafeteria all summer. Right now he couldnt vault over a Bozo Bucket.

 

I know I’m supposed to have original thoughts on this c**p, but saw this commentary on the GoComics site and decided to break with TWIM tradition and have a guest contribute to my contribution.  So introducing my guest speaker for today – Wilbur Floppenheimer!!

  1. Fat fury 2
    Wilbur Floppenheimer about 8 hours ago

    P1: “Are you saying that you shoved Jimmy?”

    “All 250 pounds of him? No, but I may have pushed him. At 250 pounds, he gets stuck on the hurdles and sometimes needs a helping hand to make it over. That Bucket gut flops around like Jello if he’s not wearing his hurdler girdle. It’s a common problem. Donovan wrote a song about it, “The Hurdler Girdle Man.”

    P2: Double D ditches her books and interrogates Jimmy, adopting the standard Wonder Woman “hands on hips” pose. Jimmy instinctively uses his books to cover his manhood in case Double D launches one of those Size 13s his way. Jimmy displays the first signs of “Stockholm Syndrome” and begins to attempt to ingratiate himself with Double D.

    P3: “I’m sorry. Please punish me.”

    “Good. Come to my house at 4:15, and not a minute later. I have a very busy afternoon, and my schedule is very tight.”

    P4: 4:15 arrives.

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9 Comments »

  1. Sports!

    If this strip isn’t going to mention them, I will.

    Comment by billytheskink — July 7, 2017 @ 11:28 am

  2. Judging from the 3 July strip, panel 3, Jimmy is only a couple of inches taller than Dafne. He’s not built like a shipping container, so, I’m thinking he’s more like 170. I’m still waiting for a reveal regarding What Really Happened.

    Comment by Philip — July 7, 2017 @ 11:30 am

  3. “Hurdler Girdle Man”? That’s good. That’s really good.

    Hey billytheskink, is there any chance you could be convinced to whip up some lyrics for us?

    Comment by lauramac — July 7, 2017 @ 11:45 am

  4. So this is how we’re going to circle back to the Van Auken Incident? Comparing Dafne “shoving” Jimmy to RVA hitting some girl back in his hometown?

    Please tell me this plot is not about to teach us how “accidental” domestic violence can happen to anyone?

    Comment by J.D. Springer — July 7, 2017 @ 12:04 pm

  5. JD, your comment makes me think of the late Bill Dana as Jose Jimenez, the Mexican astronaut: “Oh, I hope not…” Domestic violence is a real problem, and not usually a matter of immature kids inadvertently inflicting injury.

    Comment by vaganova — July 7, 2017 @ 1:56 pm

  6. Thrown for a loop when Carrie ran out
    I don’t know what that’s all about
    To find when I was getting Coke
    This whole evening was a joke

    It was then when the Hurdler Girdle Man
    Admitted to his scheme
    Then when the Hurdler Girdle Man
    Ended his sixth grade dream

    “Hurdler girdle, hurdler girdle, hurdler girdle, girdle”, he claimed
    “hurdler girdle, hurdler girdle, hurdler girdle, hurdler girdle, hurdler girdle
    hurdler girdle, hurdler girdle, hurdler girdle, girdle”, in shame

    I then angrily brushed past
    Found Carrie quite downcast
    At school the very next day
    The questions came my way

    It was then when the Hurdler Girdle Man
    Apologized to me for
    Back when the Hurdler Girdle Man
    Walked into a cabinet door

    “Hurdler girdle, hurdler girdle, hurdler girdle, girdle”, he claimed
    “hurdler girdle, hurdler girdle, hurdler girdle, hurdler girdle, hurdler girdle
    hurdler girdle, hurdler girdle, hurdler girdle, girdle”, in shame

    Comment by billytheskink — July 7, 2017 @ 2:45 pm

  7. Shot putter Jimmy
    Comes to school with a shiner:
    Dafne’s on the spot.

    Comment by vaganova — July 7, 2017 @ 3:54 pm

  8. Floppen Heimer says
    As lame as this story is:
    I can fill in for Rob.

    Comment by robmize2013 — July 7, 2017 @ 5:32 pm

  9. Good song, billytheskink. Having come from that era, your parody was on point. I laughed my a– off.

    Aside from the flexible bustline that expands or contracts depending on either the mood Daffy Duck is engaging at the moment or even/odd days, come on, Thorpiverse, like the girl who’s sorta pregnant being nonexistent, there’s NO way DD merely brushed him, given the result in Jimmy’s eye. She either found a 2 x 4 out of the industrial arts department and just hauled off and creamed him or she’s lying and he ran into a utility pole(gotta start somewhere in identifying the culprit).
    And don’t get me started on P3. Daffy Duck’s game is slipping because she spends more time as a Rona Barrett wannabe. Jimmy, you’re going to apologize to that kind of mentality? Go work on your pole-vaulting so you can say you got the shiner from getting clouted from the pole on your way down.

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — July 11, 2017 @ 6:39 pm


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