This Week in Milford

August 1, 2017

The Longest Drill

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, freak hands, general nonsense, Milford Weirdos — timbuys @ 7:34 am


Has it really only been two weeks since we started this scene? In that time, we’ve been reintroduced to two old characters and…

P1: I think Kevin is starting to internalize all of the abuse he’s constantly receiving. Heather’s dad doesn’t need to puff his chest out that much. If he really wants to intimidate the Secret Pelwecki, all he needs to do is…

P2: AAAAUUUUIGGGHHHGGHHhh!!!!1!!! What is that… that… thing on her shoulder??

P3: Why is she telling him good effort? He appears to have caught the rugby ball.



  1. I like how Whigham takes the term “ponytail” literally. Also, I just recently learned that the Monmouth football program is not much older (25) than Heather is (18-19). Pop Burns must have been one of their first quarterbacks.

    Comment by billytheskink — August 1, 2017 @ 7:51 am

  2. Did we ever clarify whether Heather’s dad played at Monmouth, NJ (started football in 1993), or Monmouth, Illinois (started football in 1888)?

    Comment by Philip — August 1, 2017 @ 1:31 pm

  3. P2: Well, well, the family that practices together stays together. Nice to see this extended family in this labor of love with Pelwicki. Mr. Burns is even sporting with pride his true colors that he retrieved from the attic.
    “Now whatsa matter, buddy, ain’t you heard of my school, it’s #1 in the state…
    Rah, Rah, Rah, be true to your school…” as The Beach Boys harmony fades off into the tectonically-challenged horizon.
    And P1 had me worried. I thought that was Jack LaLanne for a second and he might make Pelwicki do 75 one-arm push-ups, 1000 sit-ups while cradling a petrified log, run to Oakwood and back, and drink a healthy dose of the carrot/lime Power Juicer. Whoa, let’s not get ahead of ourselves here, Heather and Jack. Moose first has to learn how to ingrain a football before he scales the Alps in his bare feet. Crawl before you walk, you understand.

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — August 1, 2017 @ 1:49 pm

  4. Since GT has quietly migrated from Connecticut to a kind of generalized midwest since 1958, I’m guessing Burns Sr played for the school in Illinois.

    Comment by vaganova — August 1, 2017 @ 2:37 pm

  5. My mistake, Heather’s dad is confirmed to have played at Monmouth College in Illinois, not New Jersey’s Monmouth University and its football program that is just now able to rent a car.

    Comment by billytheskink — August 1, 2017 @ 2:56 pm

  6. Hardly a mistake, billy– it’s been ambiguous all along.

    Comment by vaganova — August 1, 2017 @ 3:14 pm

  7. P2: Oh(smacks his forehead), those are BLEACHERS. I thought for a second they were in the jungles of Yucatán practicing in front of the triadic pyramid of Dzibilchaltun. I didn’t think Maya civilization included football fields but, as I keep saying, I’m always learning.

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — August 1, 2017 @ 4:03 pm

  8. Oh boy. Another lame attempt at self deprecating humor by thee old ball coach. Tell us how you would’ve made it in the NFL if it weren’t for that balky knee.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — August 1, 2017 @ 6:53 pm

  9. And I’m sorry, P2 is just SCREAMING the musical “Oklahoma” after Curly made off with Laurey after outmaneuvering Jud Fry, minus the tarantula on Laurey’s left shoulder(or is that Aunt Eller’s appendage via age progression?). I hope Papa Burns knows the lyrics to “Surrey with a Fringe on Top”.

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — August 1, 2017 @ 8:34 pm

  10. […] from Jaquan Sits this geezer All his shirts Are labeled “Monmouth” He’s indulging Daughter Heather But he Sucks at throwing […]

    Pingback by Return to Janet’s Diner? | This Week in Milford — August 5, 2017 @ 11:02 am

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