This Week in Milford

August 2, 2017

Pretty Sure They Could Have Worked Something Into Panel Two About Not Waiting For The Ball…

Filed under: big arms, Boredom in Milford, What the hell is going on here? — timbuys @ 6:27 am


P1: Don’t Wait For The Ball.

P2: For our members of the audience suffering from Memento disease.

P3: Don’t Wait For The Ball.



  1. Adventures in Mansplaining: Coach Heather’s great. Now let me take over for her.

    Comment by John S. Walters — August 2, 2017 @ 6:56 am

  2. Kevin Pelwecki, a pretty good player already at right guard, is getting coached on how to be a pass-catching fullback by an overly precocious young woman, her ex-Div. III quarterback father, one of Milford’s all-time great basketball players, and a nationally-famous NBA veteran.

    It isn’t as exciting as some previous summer plots, but darned if there isn’t some level of enjoyable ridiculousness to it.

    Comment by billytheskink — August 2, 2017 @ 7:04 am

  3. Yes, billy– there is a nicely crazy potential to it. Absolutely no idea where it’s ultimately going– Rubin’s telegraph appears to be in its rare “out of service” mode.

    Comment by vaganova — August 2, 2017 @ 7:30 am

  4. I have a clue where this is headed

    Comment by Downpuppy (@Downpuppy) — August 2, 2017 @ 8:21 am

  5. Suuuuuuueeeeeeee-EEYY!!!!!!!!!!!!

    It’s hard to tell if Coach Burns(whoops, there’s 2, the distaff one) is going to win the hog-calling contest at the Milford County Fair but she’s getting plenty of practice. It would help if she donned the Minnie Pearl hat, price tag and all, to make things authentic.

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — August 2, 2017 @ 12:08 pm

  6. OK, we’re getting our bearings after some days. The high end trainer Trey is helping his friend Jaquan, an NBA star, rehab a knee. Jaquan wants to do so on the QT and wants to thank Gil for his support years ago. Coach Heather is carrying out her agreement to help with the footballers over the summer, and her father is just being a father. Still fishing for the main thread, though– this is an awful lot of artillery if the objective is to get Kevin Palooka into the backfield.

    Comment by vaganova — August 2, 2017 @ 1:18 pm

  7. Popping the “Jane Fonda Workout, Part 7: Ingraining for Better Definition & Tone” into the VCR

    “Hi, I’m Jane Fonda and welcome to Jane Fonda Workout. Today we’re going to talk about ingraining. Many of you have flabby abs and pecs like my friend Moose here. I have a simple aerobicizer that will burn that flab and run it out of Milford. You position your arms so that your forearms are at a 90 degree angle to your biceps(as “She Works Hard for the Money” gradually pipes in) and you fold your arms as if your thumbs and forefingers were going to form a triangle. That’s it, Moose. Feel those abs and pecs getting the squeeze of their lives. Not too tight, you’re turning purple. That’s it, that’s it. Just like in kindergarten when you sang ‘Ol’ MacDonald Had a Farm’ and you quack quack here and you quack quack there. Whew, I just heard you flatulate, Moose. The workout is working. I still better get some Renuzit so I don’t drive out my studio audience. Hoo Boy, did you have a chili dog at Ollie’s Trolley?
    Well, look who’s comin’, my old friends, Jaquan and Trey(applause). Thanks for coming on the show.”
    “My pleasure.”
    “I understand you have a surprise in store for Moose here. Would you mind sharing it with us?”
    “No, not at all. I do the tri-flab buster, or ingraining as you call it, but sometimes I extend what you’re talking about to my legs. Would you mind if I demonstrate?”
    “No, Jaquan, not at all. Have at it.”
    “This one’s a good one to work those love handles off the quadriceps femoris and the calves. Trey here’s the one that broached the idea AND he made lower ingraining into a U. S. Patent and, well, you see the Lexus behind the Milford batting cages.”
    “Yes I do. It puts my family wagon to shame.”
    “Anyhoo, you(as “Papa’s Got a Brand New Bag” jolts the scene) do the same thing with your forearms, only now bend your knees so that your patella is at a 45 degree angle to your ankles. While you’re squeezing with your forearms, you do the same with your patellae. It’s kinda like the “Funky Chicken”, only tighter. That’s it, Moose. Man, you go, Pelwecki. Only The Godfather of Soul could do better.”
    “And Jaquan had calves that looked like elongated cow udders until I showed him this technique. Man, I bought another Lexus when Jaquan went to town and boogied all night.”
    “Isn’t that the truth. Oops, be careful, Moose. Don’t break your fibula. Nice, deliberate style. Lower ingraining takes time to learn. That’s it, pump them abs and quads just like a water pump at the well so you don’t splash all over your shirt.”
    “Well, guys, that’s all we have time for today. I would like to thank my special guests(‘you’re welcome’), Jaquan and Trey, for stopping by. Boy, look at Moose go(as “You Should Be Dancing” becomes the swan song)!!!!!! Join us next time for ‘Part 8: Ingraining Those Glutes’. Until then, I’m Jane Fonda. Thanks for watching(applause)”.

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — August 2, 2017 @ 5:01 pm

  8. T. Drew @5: Since we’re talking fullbacks, maybe she’s not calling “Sooie!” but “Suhey!”

    Comment by teenchy — August 2, 2017 @ 5:51 pm

  9. Fantastic reference there, teenchy.

    Comment by billytheskink — August 2, 2017 @ 6:30 pm

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