This Week in Milford

August 9, 2017

Too Hot For A Hoodie

Filed under: big arms, Boredom in Milford, football — timbuys @ 9:09 am


So, fresh off a plate of burgers and fries, Trey and Jaquan manage to squeeze in a few leg presses before calling it a day and joining the thronging crowds and intense media coverage that attends summer 7-on-7 football in the upper Midwest. Even better is the notion that they took a road trip to do this. I’m sure that time sitting in the car after a (hard?) workout is just the thing to help rehab that knee.

Finally, what’s up with Weibe here? Dude is going through all of the trouble of summer practices, you wouldn’t think hustle would be an issue. Not only that, but talking back to (coach?) Heather should earn him a benching if not removal from the team.



  1. Lookin’ at Jaquan’s legs here, thinkin’ something went horribly wrong in the OR.

    Comment by John S. Walters — August 9, 2017 @ 9:24 am

  2. It’s absurd that a 7′ black man can be incognito is a small town like milford. especially a well known athlete. he could wear a ball hat & shades instead of a hoodie… either way Jaquan will stand out like a sore thumb. besides everybody knows Troy, the local boy who runs a gym out of his family house. Also Troy’s neighbors must all be aware of the huge Jaquan’s comings & goings…

    Comment by Rowdyman — August 9, 2017 @ 9:30 am

  3. 1. It’s funny because even as a middling NBA journeyman, Jaquan easily has the clout to work his way onto the sidelines of most NFL training camps for a day, but sure let’s just hover around some random high schoolers because that’s totally not creepy… Let’s get real – Jaquan clearly has his eyes on Heather and we’re going to have a very special storyline inspired by the Mel Hall scandal so just cut to the chase already?

    2. Um… Yeah… You don’t get to play the goddamned “protect my privacy as a celeb” –card when you intentionally travel to the old hometown and announce to everyone for a solid week that you’re Jaquan Case, all-conquering hero along with his mooching sidekick buddy who will do anything to stay on the payroll…

    3. It’s also funny because you know who has a top-notch sports medicine program with world-class rehab facilities? Jaquan’s own motherfucking alma mater: And ironically UVA Medical Center was just named the #1 hospital in the Commonwealth… Hell, Jaquan could even drive an hour to Richmond to watch the Redskins camp, or stay in Charlottesville to see the Cavs football practice, which while bad is at least better than some mulleted mook lineman trying to be a fullback except for the fact that he can’t catch a pitch or take a handoff while Gilberto gives his team no guidance or coaching whatsoever…

    4. Is it me, or is Jaquan’s work ethic really lacking? Works out for a half hour and he’s already looking for a distraction? He knows he’s only 6-7 weeks away from training camp, right??

    5. Seriously, I know Heather appointed herself as assistant coach last season, but she’s fucking pushing it and she knows it.

    6. I’m going to close my eyes really hard and pretend I didn’t just see that douchenozzle call his summer practice workouts “Summer League”

    Comment by Hitorque — August 9, 2017 @ 9:36 am

  4. I’m confused by the lines in the parking lot. Let’s just park Willy Nilly. Did Wiebe flip off Heather? Looks like a job for Jaquan. Is Gil still half assing golf lessons or half assing coaching football?

    Comment by Jive Turkey — August 9, 2017 @ 11:21 am

  5. Yeah. Better wear that hoodie in case another greasy-spoon hash-slinger recognizes you. Sure didn’t need to wear it in front of Gil, since he didn’t know who the fuck you were

    Comment by franku2016 — August 9, 2017 @ 12:07 pm

  6. I for one rejoice in The Chief’s consistency– the parking lot lines make no more sense than the field markings did in baseball/softball season. The Chief does the best drawings in the history of the strip, but he does have that one weakness. But I should not carp– I stunk at geometry too.

    Hitorque makes a strong case for Jaquan’s rehabbing in Mfnrd being improbable, but we must remember that if we insist on “facts,” Gil has been coaching for 59 years but still looks forty, Heather would no doubt be packing for college by now, and that Trey’s Fix You Up at Home program seems not to have been noticed in Mfnrd.

    The one quibble I would make is to point out that timbuys, with his usual acuity, has found the most unlikely development of the day– that a professional athlete who is coming off arthroscopic knee surgery would follow his leg presses with a car ride to East Bicycle (I’m sorry– I meant “Goshen”) to sit in the stands instead of stretching, icing, and resting. But since Trey is an advanced rehabber, we should assume he has both electrostim and squeeze ‘n freeze in his car for his clients. As a ballet dancer with knee issues, I am on intimate terms with both.

    Comment by vaganova — August 9, 2017 @ 2:14 pm

  7. A 6’8″ guy in a hoodie pulled up so far you can’t see his face? He’ll look like a dementor from a Harry Potter movie.

    Comment by Philip — August 9, 2017 @ 2:15 pm

  8. Philip, observations such as yours are what led me to coin the acronym SWL (“screaming with laughter.”)

    Comment by vaganova — August 9, 2017 @ 2:40 pm

  9. I don’t know who the hell Weibe is but he’s totally flippin’ Heather off. Who died and made her coach, anyway? What a drop-off from the days when True Standish sprained his ankle stepping off a curb.

    Comment by teenchy — August 9, 2017 @ 6:40 pm

  10. Aw come on, Thorpiverse. It’s bad enough that Jaquan is working, loosely speaking, in Trey’s Garage in his Payless Shoe Outlet specials but P2 is just a joke, literally and figuratively. We used to laugh at Maxwell Smart attempting to pull off the same thing when he was spying on KAOS. Does Jaquan think he’s going to fool anybody disguised as just an oversized Quaker or a fool with a tent flapped over him?
    And I agree with teenchy. The plot has gone from a soccer wannabe to Gil’s right-hand man, er, woman in this case. And Jive Turkey and hitorque are right. Where in the name of Tod Andrews is Gil??? I thought the coach was supposed to run things like this, not leave it it to some marginal player to bark out orders and mete out the punishments. Is she going to make him run up the stands if he misses a block? Next thing you know she’ll be sitting at the right hand of God. She’ll be ordering around all the cherubim. Time will tell.

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — August 10, 2017 @ 9:15 am

  11. In most states, the coach is prohibited from supervising practices before a certain number of days before school opens. But given that in much of the country school will be opening in just a couple of weeks, it’s probably time for Gil to take over. My impression has been that this seven on seven thing is separate from the school anyway. We first saw it in the True Standish plot three years ago, and Gil was teaching golf then too.

    Comment by vaganova — August 10, 2017 @ 9:33 am

  12. BTW, vaganova, your point’s well-taken on the geometry observation. That said, after looking at the parking lot in P2, I know now how Jenga was invented.

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — August 10, 2017 @ 9:39 am

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