This Week in Milford

August 10, 2017

Just Who Is Heather Helping?


Here’s an example of why I don’t like the color version of the strip. For comparison:


There’s no universe – not even in Eugene, Oregon – where all the components of a football helmet are monochromatic.  But I nitpick.

The bigger question is the one I alluded to in the post title. Who is Heather really helping here? Who else is coaching Milford’s 7-on-7 team? Sure as hell ain’t Gil or Kaz, and there’s no sign of Tim and Jay Forbes. The only thing she appears to have learned about coaching is how to be pushy, to the point that one of her seven resorts to the tired classic Milfordian catchphrase “Ease up.”

It doesn’t look like pet project Pelwecki has benefited from all of her coaching, either. After last week he must think you need to be at least 6’8″ to catch a pass.  All I can imagine is that everybody involved with Milford football is looking forward to her shipping off to Iowa or wherever.


  1. As Sgt Hulka would say “Lighten up Francis”. Most of the players seem to be ignoring her anyway.

    Comment by Bobby Joe — August 10, 2017 @ 7:54 am

  2. So Heather’s getting a little sweet on the Pelwecki? Is that where this is going? Yeah, another Bechdel Test FAIL.

    Comment by John S. Walters — August 10, 2017 @ 8:22 am

  3. Oh, for God’s sake.
    “Even though I couldn’t cut it as a soccer player because my heart wasn’t into it and I just gave 50% effort and I really should have bailed out much sooner when I looked at myself in the mirror and came to the conclusion it wasn’t my cup of tea, you need to give your 110%, big man.”

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — August 10, 2017 @ 12:08 pm

  4. Gil and Kaz may not be allowed to coach the 7-on-7 team (several states prohibit this), which is why the middle school coaching Forbes-es were drafted several years back. Doesn’t explain why Heather would be doing this apparently alone, though.

    Comment by billytheskink — August 10, 2017 @ 12:09 pm


    2. We all know Gilberto+Kaz are lazy motherfuckers just collecting a check and are hiding in a Motel 6 off the interstate frolicking in an illicit masculine affair while waiting for either their players to figure it out themselves, or some know-it-all busybody wannabe coach to do their jobs for them just in time for G+K to step in and get all the postgame plaudits, but putting a 19-year-old girl in charge is low even by their standards…

    3. Seriously — No 19-year-old girl in the history of forever has the authority or respect to bark at a high school team without some serious pushback, unless she was the coach’s daughter, and she isn’t…

    4. Final answer — Kevin doesn’t like girls… No 18-year-old boy in the history of forever has spent this much free time with a girl he’s not related to (a girl who knows football, no less) and not tried to make a play for her ass…

    5. Honestly — Heather Harbaugh-Belichick is such an unquestioned football genius, yet she’s too blind to see the folly of forcing a pretty competent offensive lineman/inside linebacker to play a skill position?

    6. And yes, that coloring is god-awful… But it’s not really any different from other days…

    7. Thanks T. Drew Hardin for reminding us that after lettering in soccer for three years, Heather Zidane Ibrahimovic went into her senior year expecting to start… NOT because of merit, NOT because she’d been practicing all off-season, but BECAUSE OF HER UPPERCLASSMAN STATUS AND NO OTHER REASON… And when her coach told her while she wouldn’t be starting, if she worked on her game over the course of the season, there was a possib-HEATHER JUST UP AND QUIT ON THE SPOT to allegedly focus on getting ready academically for college… But then Gilberto mysteriously had 50 season-ending injuries on his football team, and we know the rest…

    Comment by Hitorque — August 10, 2017 @ 12:55 pm

  6. By the the looks of that throw in P1 Pops must be at QB. As mentioned earlier, Heather seems to have forgotten she quit on the soccer team. Maybe the journalism broad can remind her.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — August 10, 2017 @ 5:22 pm

  7. Sometimes we put too much emphasis on “not quitting.” One year when I was coaching soccer, our #2 scorer quit the team in protest of the fact we had decided to play his younger brother as a first-off-the-bench defender instead of sweeper (we ran a lot of overlaps in those days and subbed defenders regularly.) We were sorry to see him go, but found there was less static in the locker room. We won the state title anyway, and he made his Div 3 college team as a walk-on. All good.

    Comment by vaganova — August 10, 2017 @ 6:08 pm

  8. Personally, if someone wants to quit, I say good riddance. It just won’t be me or my 2 kids.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — August 10, 2017 @ 6:18 pm

  9. I don’t approve of “quitting” in general either, Jive Turkey, and have never done so myself. Just pointing out that in some cases it’s justifiable, as in the case I cite. We won the state title, and without the quitting player’s ongoing pissing and moaning serving as a distraction. Some similar case might be made for HC Burns, who appears to be contributing more to the football program than she did to soccer.

    Comment by vaganova — August 11, 2017 @ 2:38 pm

  10. Vaganova I wasn’t calling you out or anything. Sounds like that kid was a primadonna. That’s why I said if he or others can’t fall in line, please do quit . You won’t be missed. The last few story lines have had some quitters and the authors of this strip have not really addressed it.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — August 11, 2017 @ 3:36 pm

  11. JT, at ease– the notion you were calling me out never entered my mind. It was clear to me we were on the same page– I was just trying to add clarity. And you are dead right– the player who quit my team WAS a prima donna. The other coaches and I came to feel that his real reason for quitting the team was that he was being overshadowed by another forward whose game had developed explosively since the previous season, and that he was using the fact we did not grant his kid brother a bigger role as an excuse. Our policy was simple: individual players were important and to be respected, but what they could achieve as an aggregate was bigger. The younger brother, by the way, scored several goals that season on overlap plays, and the following season played the dream position of sweeper and was chosen team captain.

    You’ve remarked on Mfnrd kids quitting teams. Heather clearly did, and Dafne did, if we consider the paper a team. Are you also thinking back to the quarterback True Standish replaced? He did not quit the team but I have a vague memory that he may have threatened to.

    Comment by vaganova — August 11, 2017 @ 6:05 pm

  12. Fair enough Vaganova. Sometimes hard to read tone and such from a post. But no, I wasn’t referring to True’s situation . Dafne not only quit newspaper but would leave softball practice to cover a story for the newspaper she actually quit.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — August 11, 2017 @ 6:21 pm

  13. That business of Daffy leaving practice without authorization never really did get explained, did it?

    Comment by vaganova — August 11, 2017 @ 10:30 pm

  14. […] Assistant Coach, Milford 7-on-7 football practice, 2017 […]

    Pingback by I’m shocked – SHOCKED! – that I’m using this line again! | This Week in Milford — July 14, 2021 @ 10:04 am

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