This Week in Milford

August 16, 2017

Beer Then Liquor

Filed under: Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots, Pissy faced True — timbuys @ 8:33 am


P1: Trey and Jaquan will have never been sicker…  Ease up on those lemonades, gents!

P2: [Insert Gil is shitfaced joke here]

P3: I sure hope Heather and Papa Burns aren’t just standing there with the Secret while Trey runs down dad’s practice QB’ing abilities…

Bonus points:

Actually, a seat in that very nicely rendered Adirondack chair on a pretty sweet deck and a tall glass of Everclear on the rocks with a slice of lemon would be pretty nice right now.

The Chief is on a roll today. Nice job on that Wake Forest logo!



  1. No, what you need is a real defender to show Jaquan what it’s like to have someone trying to stop you, and having that person know how to do it.
    Either that, or Trey could grow a backbone and tell his client to either get serious with the rehab or part company.
    Final picky point: in the real world, I would hope that True or Gil would have called the Wake Forest compliance officer to ensure that True won’t risk his eligibility by working out with a pro athlete.

    Comment by Philip — August 16, 2017 @ 8:46 am

  2. Gil is so wasted he got a tattoo on his neck. And of course he’s worried about his brand. Looks like a Nike swoosh. What a sellout !

    Comment by Jive Turkey — August 16, 2017 @ 9:46 am

  3. GT– It’s funny because those are not nor have they ever been Wake colors…

    GT 2: Hey, who better to talk with about pro football than a talented but dimwitted and flaky surfer-boy QB who has just one season (7-6, 3-5) of limited play under his belt at Wake Forest?

    GT 3: It’s funny because as I stated ad nauseam, Jaquan *COULD* just go back to fucking Charlottesville and talk at length to the entire team and coaching staff if he wanted, and then after a couple of phone calls made a quick one-hour drive to Richmond the see the ‘Skins training camp…

    GT 4: Jaquan DOES know he can leave Milford and doesn’t have to stay there all summer sleeping on his hanger-on friend’s couch, right?? It’s not like Jaquan even has any other family or friends living in Milford, or else he would have mentioned visiting them…

    GT 5: We still haven’t even touched on what’s going to happen when word of this leaks out to the media…

    GT 6: Given his complete lack of worth ethic (i.e., spending more time hanging out with his old high school football team instead of rehabbing and shooting his 1,000 daily jumpers), why does Jaquan even think he could handle the rigors of the average NFL gameweek? I’m starting to wonder how he even stayed in the NBA this long…

    Comment by Hitorque — August 16, 2017 @ 11:55 am

  4. GT 7: It’s August 16 and Wake’s first game is on Aug. 31… How the hell is True able to stay home for “a few weeks?”

    Comment by Hitorque — August 16, 2017 @ 11:59 am

  5. Hard to believe that the Jaquan now all but begging to spend the as much time in Milford as possible is the same guy who, in his very first appearance in this strip, described Milford as “another stupid tank town”.

    Comment by billytheskink — August 16, 2017 @ 12:31 pm

  6. P2 painfully reminds me of the same visage Sam Phillips, of Sun Records fame(Elvis, Jerry Lee Lewis, Johnny Cash started there), possessed when he was a guest, reluctantly speaking, on the David Letterman Show. The man was STONE DRUNK and after awhile, Letterman isn’t even bothering to strike up a conversation with him, Sam was so slushy.
    And I’m sorry, my imagination is running wild based upon Mr. Phillips’ demeanor
    “Sho ya wanna try the NFL, huh(hiccup)?Damn, Mimi mushta snuck sumthin’ in my glassh of Country Time. Anyhoo, yeah, I’ll call True Standishhhh and getcha shquared away sho you can shee ifs ya got what it takeshh to make the Falconshhh, or the Shteelershhh or shome other pro tem(burp). Mr. Burnsshhh ain’t a good indicator shince we don’t even knowssshh which Monmoth, Monmountain, Hell, whatever shcool he played for(hiccup). Letshh try you out wish a REAL QB. Now excusessshhh me, guys, I gotta sit on thissshhh lawn chair before that fifth of whatever(hic) fifth Mimi shot in the glassshhh of rocksshhh comesshhh back up.”

    And P3 is leaving too many questions for me. Granted, Mr. Burns had his day BUT he did play college football. No disrespect to True Standish or his team, Wake Forest has turned out many fine teams and players(e. g.,Brian Piccolo), but WHAT could Standish do that could show Jaquan needs to stick to the NBA? Why do we need to hit the gridiron when no one’s looking to establish what’s really been already established, in certain cases anyway?What’s True going to do, throw directly at Jaquan’s jewels?
    “Oops, sorry, Jaquan, I meant to aim for your chest”
    (Jaquan, singing soprano) “That’s OK. Let’s try another buttonhook.”

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — August 16, 2017 @ 1:17 pm

  7. This plot opened on St Tibb’s Eve, as I remember, and we still don’t really know where it’s going. If it’s based on the idea of bringing together a bunch of well-known Mfnrdians (we have Trey, Heather’s father, Gilberto, and the Secret Pelwecki, and by now can consider The Don an honorary Mfnrdian) then I say we pull the drop bag and bring in Wally Lamb, Hadley V Baxendale, and Herk the Mauler.

    (Sorry for the theater reference. I have had four concussions and sometimes forget who I’m talking to. A “drop bag” is a container suspended above the stage, and is used to “drop” things for effect. It is most often seen in the “Land of Snow” scene near the end of Act 1 of “The Nutcracker.”

    I should have pointed that out earlier, but I have had four concussions (have I mentioned that?) and sometimes forget who I’m talking to. That happened recently when I used the term “drop bag.”

    Comment by vaganova — August 16, 2017 @ 3:30 pm

  8. @billythesink: what the hell is a tank town?

    Comment by Hitorque — August 16, 2017 @ 6:22 pm

  9. Tank town as described on this site some time ago is a town where a train stops to fill up with water. You’ll see the tanks along railroad stations. I’ve seen them in towns in Illinois. Maybe more prevalent in years past. But basically it refers to a back water, one horse town. Sticksville. If I’m wrong , someone can certainly correct me. And good stuff T Drew. I’ll have to look up that Letterman episode.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — August 16, 2017 @ 8:09 pm

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