This Week in Milford

September 7, 2017

This Had the Potential to be Interesting


Wow, is this the ultimate in laissez-faire or what? Not only does Gil deliver a contrived platitude, we don’t even get to see him do it. Gil should’ve told his football team that if they had the potential to win back-to-back state championships, they didn’t need to prove it to anybody else. They’d already be back-to-back state champions!

Maybe this portends a new turn in Gil Thorp. Young athletes or wannabe athletes do or do not do something, followed by an exposition panel where the athlete/wannabe says that that’s what Coach Thorp told them to do/not do, or maybe they should’ve listened to Coach Thorp when he told them whatever off-panel. Or something.

Hopefully after Saturday we won’t hear from Jaquan for another five or six years, when he returns as a history teacher/life football basketball coach who gamely coaches his team to fall just short of the Mudlarks.  Then he can thank Gil profusely for all of his advice and for telling him he had the potential to be a history teacher/basketball coach and didn’t have to prove it to anybody else.

metapost: That whole “new turn” thing is stuck in my brain, as this Hurricane Irma prepares to turn and deliver a blow to Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, and maybe more. I’ve got a lot of friends and family potentially in the path, and it’s kinda messing with my concentration to deliver a daily dose of mirth via Milford. (You’re thinking, “Why should today be any different?”)  Just as with you TWIMers in Texas last week, you TWIMers in the affected areas please check in with us and let us know you’re safe.



  1. It’s a changing game, all right– yesterday they were tossing around either a coconut or a hornet’s nest (good call, T Drew,) and today a medicine ball and a CFL football. No end to variety in Mfnrd. I think that with today’s strip we are nearly out of platitudes, though we have two days before the Sunday break. My memory may be failing (did I mention I’ve had four concussions?) but as I recall the first new season episode usually appears on Saturday or Monday.

    Comment by vaganova — September 7, 2017 @ 7:08 am

  2. The dimensions in Panel 3 are a mite…Strange. On the one hand, they’re playing catch about 10 yards apart. On the other, Heater’s feet are 5 yards apart. Just can’t handle it.

    Comment by Downpuppy (@Downpuppy) — September 7, 2017 @ 7:11 am

  3. Is this the new summer storyline tradition? A bunch of people standing around talking for a few weeks, followed by a lesson straight out of an Afterschool Special? I yearn for the days of Gail Martin and Lenny the Grifter.

    Comment by John S. Walters — September 7, 2017 @ 8:06 am

  4. I’m guessing Gil and Jaquan’s long talk happened at PUB…

    Comment by billytheskink — September 7, 2017 @ 8:43 am

  5. Playing catch with an 18 year old girl from 10 yards hardly validates you being an NFL star. When you did those 3 laps in the pool you probably scratched “try out for the S.E.A.L. team” off your to do list because you proved to yourself it would be too easy.

    Comment by Knoxy — September 7, 2017 @ 9:06 am

  6. What Jaquan heard: “He said if I proved to myself that I had the potential, I didn’t need to prove it to anybody else”.
    What Gil meant: “You proved you can run routes with no defenders in sight, and I’m about to have a face full of high school kids who can do that. If you’re able to delude yourself into thinking that one thirty minute session with a Wake Forest backup meant anything other than a waste of time – time I could have profitably spent with a beer – delude away. Anything to get you out of Milford. There’s an NBA team orthopedist waiting to look at that valuable knee for the first time in at least two months. He’ll probably send you to a capable rehab outfit and you can try for a 2018 comeback. Good luck”.

    Comment by Philip — September 7, 2017 @ 9:13 am

  7. If I may riff off of Teenchy’s post title, This had the potential to be interesting, but Rubin didn’t feel the need to prove it to anybody else.

    Stay safe to everyone in the Southeast coast!

    Comment by timbuys — September 7, 2017 @ 11:26 am

  8. Yeah, teenchy– a little hard to concentrate with friends in danger. I got a flying start– a couple I know was holed up on Sint Maarten when Irma hit and out of contact for about 24 hours. The hotel was effectively destroyed but they were in a reinforced shelter and no one in the shelter was seriously hurt. They got a FB message out last night saying the winds were something they never wanted to hear again.

    Comment by vaganova — September 7, 2017 @ 11:31 am

  9. GT: Gilberto didn’t have shit to say when he was actually there during the “pro day workout”, so Rubin had to jerry-rig some offscreen conversational ‘wisdom’ after the fact… Great storytelling…

    GT 2: GOD DAMN IT TO HELL RUBIN IF THAT ISN’T THE MOST PATRONIZING MEALY-MOUTHED BULLSHIT RAINBOW-HUGGING STEWART SMALLEY BUBBLE-WRAPPED LAKE WOEBEGONE SPEHSHUL UNEEK SNOWFLAKE INDIGO PARENT EGO CODDLING PARTICIPATION TROPHY TRIPE I EVER SEEN… It’s bad enough to say that to a kid, but to a grown-assed man?? What is gained by protecting the fragile feelings of a pro athlete when a little REAL TALK would be so much more beneficial? Need I remind anyone what happens in certain places when people are too afraid or indifferent to point out the emperor has no clothes? So just knowing he could have easily been a pro football player based on the non-expert appraisal of a college freshman is enough for him?

    GT 3: Is there anything more pathetic than “that guy” from your hometown, high school or college doing nothing with his life who tells random strangers or new friends at almost every opportunity that “Yep, I easily coulda been a college/pro player/olympic gold medalist/ace fighter pilot/astronaut/rap star/Navy SEAL/governor/founding member of Apple/F1 driver/etc. but they couldn’t handle me because I’m WAY TOO REAL FOR THOSE FAKE ONES! All those people wanted was just some button-down kiss-up type they could control! Besides, the only thing that really matters is the comforting knowledge that I *could* have done it if I really wanted to… I just didn’t want to!”

    GT 4: I would pay real American money if Gilberto used that philosophy himself for the next kid who tried out for him — “It’s okay kid… If you proved to yourself you have the potential, you never have to prove it to me!”

    Comment by hitorque — September 7, 2017 @ 12:25 pm

  10. GT 5: It would be a fitting coda if we find out later that Case has been traded or released for his total lack of effort in rehabbing his knee and complete dereliction of any professional responsibility as a professional basketball player. Just think if Jaquan spent the entire summer improving his *basketball* game instead — But then again Heather decided to quit soccer instead of trying to get better so I guess they are true kindred spirits…

    It would also be rightful karma if Mohawk Boy lost his meal ticket due to his total disregard for professional responsibility as a physical trainer — He’s supposed to be constantly monitoring the condition of Jaquan’s goddamned knee, since he clearly forgot… PROTIP: This is why *smart* pro athletes never hire homies from the old ‘hood for jobs where expertise is needed like contract negotiation, public relations, fitness training, etc…

    And while we’re on the subject of karma, Gilberto is long overdue for a meteor to fall on his house…

    Comment by hitorque — September 7, 2017 @ 12:42 pm

  11. How much more fuckin stupid can this story get? How do these two douches always get the entire field to themselves? This story must be moving in warp slow-time speed where it’s still July in Milf-world. In the real world, this idiot JQ would have a clause in his contract about fucking around with amateurs during workouts. Of course, maybe he’s already been cut so it don’t matter.

    Comment by franku2016 — September 7, 2017 @ 1:23 pm

  12. franku2016, Good Lord, you hit the nail on the head. Anybody who’s a fan of John le Carre and his “Smiley’s People” series would deduce that as molasses-paced as the series can get, it’s moving faster like those comets(or spaceships, perhaps, etc.) in the opening of the original Star Trek intro than this meandering slab of dialogue. Lordy, I thought “Crime and Punishment” dragged. But this one’s DRAGGING.
    “Okay, Heather Bruntlovich, so do you want to enroll in school or no?”
    “I was going to ask you the same thing, Jacquan Kasenodovitch, since you seem to be fluctuating between grad school, football, and the NBA. You’ve also hinted at the European NFL and the Canadian Football League. Personally, it’s hard for me to see you in an Edmonton Eskimo helmet playing alongside Doug Flutie and his Comeback Tour, but what do I know about training pro athletes? I really need to leave that to Trey.”
    “You are wise, Heather Bruntlovich, especially because your smartass comments were not only getting on my nerves but the readership as a whole. I wondered how you ever hooked up with a pro athlete like moi”
    “Good karma, Jaquan Kasenodovitch. BTW, will you put that nerfball in your lunch box and get a real pigskin out of my bag, the Wilson “Peyton Manning” special? You look ridiculous trying to put some spin on that sponge.”
    “I will, Heather Bruntlovich, as soon as you get off this Sesame Street football field. It’s hard to run a fly. Can I get back to my Boswell on Coach Thorp? I worship the gridiron he stands on and life without him would mean sudden death to me.”
    “Of course, Jaquan Kasenodovitch, just as soon as you tell me what DID happen to Trey? He’s been MIA on this strip for a couple of days now, along with Moose.”
    I killed both with an ice pick and put them in Coach Thorp’s trunk while he was at the CC.”

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — September 7, 2017 @ 6:45 pm

  13. Right on Hitorque. Jaquan going to grad school reminds me of scene in Trading Places. Dan Ackroyd sees Eddie Murphy in his,”Harvard tie. Oh suuuurre, HEEEE went to Harvard!”

    Comment by Jive Turkey — September 7, 2017 @ 6:57 pm

  14. T. Drew, if Jaquan were going to the CFL, it should be Montreal. From what we’ve seen of his diet, poutine and smoked meat should be right up his alley.

    Comment by Philip — September 7, 2017 @ 7:44 pm

  15. Thanks, vaganova, on the other day. You da man.

    Good one, Philip. I have been to le Montreal and le Quebec in general and my one regret was that I never got to sample the poutine. I can honestly say that I hit le depanneur, French version of a 7-11(Lordy, they have them even in the hamlets) and I loved la lait fouetté(chocolate shake, literally “whipped milk”) and deux immersions de creme glacé chocolat(double dip chocolate ice cream cone). I’ll even admit I was clueless trying to keep up with the French on the intercom at the Wal-Marts(ha) but anyway I liked your observation and, again, I’m kicking myself because I understand the poutine is to die for. And I agree, his diet, whether he’s trying out for the New England Patriots or Les Montreal Alouettes is, shall we say, a bit on the haute cuisine side. And what’s maddening is that Thorpiverse will find a way to bail him out should he further his CFL career at Stade Percival-Molson, the venue of les Alouettes. After we get done today’s psychoanalysis, of course(ha).

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — September 8, 2017 @ 11:45 am

  16. […] Life Coach to Confused NBA Players, 2017 […]

    Pingback by I’m shocked – SHOCKED! – that I’m using this line again! | This Week in Milford — July 14, 2021 @ 10:04 am

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