This Week in Milford

September 27, 2017

I Often Pause Dramatically During My Internal Monologue, Why Do You Ask?

092717

Panel 1: Number 28 looks stunned as the football caroms off his sternum.

Panel 2: I’m gonna ignore whatever these idiots have to say as the weirdo in the foreground brings to mind my having to lecture my four year old that, it’s OK if you do it in private, but when you’re around other people you have to use a tissue. Why? Because it’s considered rude and we try to be polite, that’s why.

Panel 3: Cue the dastardly reveal. Not just a lawyer, but a future agent lawyer! Oh no, that’s the worst kind!

Minus point: WTH? I guess we’re confirmed for no bonfire this year. Perhaps the Milford FD still has the summer burn ban in effect.

Bonus question: What elements of Rick’s so far indeterminate act* would be most directly impacted by a seemingly inevitable concussion?

* I know it involves Mac the Knife, but does he sing it? Play it on Caribbean steal drums? Personally, I’m betting he has trained seals bark out the tune.

18 Comments »

  1. What a let down. No bonfire. That’s the highlight of the season. All downhill after that.

    Comment by Bobby Joe — September 27, 2017 @ 8:24 am

  2. Well, at least that kid sitting in front of Mrs. Soto finds the Oakwood return man’s muff as funny as we do.

    Comment by billytheskink — September 27, 2017 @ 8:25 am

  3. Give Rubin credit. He’s good at one thing many writers struggle with: creating a character with no positive qualities whatsoever. Uncle Gary should meet the reality show producer from a couple of years ago.

    Comment by Philip — September 27, 2017 @ 9:07 am

  4. Philp – or the entire Bader family…or Boo….or Daffy Dafuq…or Wildcat…..etc…..

    Comment by franku2016 — September 27, 2017 @ 9:13 am

  5. The kid in P1 is just shocked that they are actually having a game

    Comment by franku2016 — September 27, 2017 @ 9:14 am

  6. I actually liked Boo.

    Uncle Gary is just glad Mark Trail is too busy with bald kidnappers to attack him for his facial hair. (Then again, so is Marty Moon).

    Comment by Andrew Leal — September 27, 2017 @ 9:18 am

  7. P1:”THE ABOMINABLE DR. PHIBES PART III: THE REVENGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
    Watch as Dr. Anton Phibes’ mannequins infiltrate the football team while Vulnavia cheerleads the Mudlarks onto victory-OR THE PITS OF HELL-while Coach Kaz and Coach Thorp are busy discussing an audible. Brace yourself as Rick Soto is battling concussions and scorpions to appease his bloodthirsty uncle who will battle Dr. Phibes, his archnemesis, TO THE DEATH-or the 4th quarter, whichever comes first. Will Uncle Gary meet his doom being plagued by locusts? Find out this Friday at the premiere showing at the Milford Twin Cinema!!!!!!!!! Don’t miss it-if you DARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — September 27, 2017 @ 9:49 am

  8. Timbuys is clearly on the scoop– somebody’s going to get a concussion, and, unfortunately, it won’t be Uncle Gary (actually, it’s possible. He looks tall and could easily lose his cool and run through the house chasing someone and skull himself on a doorframe.) There are several standard villain types in GT, and so far this one reminds me both of Jacquan Case’s uncle and the summer golf plot father, both of whom were seeking a ride from kids.

    Comment by vaganova — September 27, 2017 @ 11:51 am

  9. I, too, bemoan the loss of the bonfire. Just another sad chapter in the wussification of football.

    If Uncle Gary was any kind of real lawyer, he’d be secretly rooting for a concussion so he could file a lawsuit against the school district.

    Comment by John S. Walters — September 27, 2017 @ 12:28 pm

  10. I don’t entirely get why concern for her son’s health merits the Exploding Eyeballs of Rage.

    Comment by Downpuppy (@Downpuppy) — September 27, 2017 @ 2:12 pm

  11. Maybe she is simply shocked that Gary would risk “hoo-dooing” her kid? Every bad crash I ever had as a ski racer came a second or two after I thought “I’d hate to fall right here.”

    Comment by vaganova — September 27, 2017 @ 2:22 pm

  12. The specific wording, as opposed to just “I hope he doesn’t get injured,” did Gary no favors either (and of course, his thought balloon, “Concussions reduce your earning power in Branson,” moreso).

    I was actually a little surprised when Mrs. Soto appeared; the way Uncle Gary hovered at first, I assumed he was Rick’s guardian.

    Comment by Andrew Leal — September 27, 2017 @ 3:09 pm

  13. vaganova, I see your point and it’s well-taken but I have to go along with downpuppy. The whole scenario is kinda sorta getting dragged down to “Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman” proportions so much that the exploding eyeball scene just gets downright melodramatic, in my view. Really, the whole plot could realistically be a script for that show and now I’m not even trying to be funny. They wrote stuff like this because the comedy is on autopilot. But you da man.

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — September 27, 2017 @ 4:28 pm

  14. I too have my doubts about this one, T Drew. For one thing, Uncle Gary is a cardboard villain in the making from every indication so far. If Rick’s mother begins talking about waxy build-up on the linoleum close to the walls your case will become airtight.

    Comment by vaganova — September 27, 2017 @ 4:51 pm

  15. GOOD one, vaganova, My Man. I can tell you either watched the show or get the drift thereof. I liked “cardboard villain”. You da man.

    Comment by T. Drew Hardin — September 27, 2017 @ 5:57 pm

  16. Kick returner #28’s proportions make him look like a little person. Just sayin’. Also, kid in front of Mom Soto in P2 is sniffing his own fart.

    Comment by teenchy — September 28, 2017 @ 4:29 am

  17. Which, again, is OK (I guess) if you do it in private, not when other people are around. No one wants to see it!

    Comment by timbuys — September 28, 2017 @ 7:34 am

  18. […] such a hotshot lawyer, Uncle Gary’s been spending a lot of time on his sister’s couch for the past two […]

    Pingback by Thinking Big ≠ Cat Videos | This Week in Milford — October 26, 2017 @ 6:46 am


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