This Week in Milford

December 20, 2017

Gil Thorp – Ventriloquist?


OK, Rubin, you got me to google “Internet Ninja.”

It so happens that I am rather familiar with many regional and national dialects of English and also with the many different ways it sounds when spoken as a second language. With all respect due to the entrant, that doesn’t sound like it was written by someone remotely familiar with idiomatic English.

Panel Two takes the cake for inanity. Why talk about ‘all that’ Kelly found when you can talk about whether it took her a long time or a short time and when she managed to find the time… Meanwhile, is that an aged Han Solo in the background of this stylish pub with its exposed brick walls and industrial grade window muntins?

I’ve never seen a ventriloquist act in person. Can they really do that trick? I mean, just how persuasive is the illusion in the presence of the performer as opposed to watching on TV? I gotta hand it to him, I did not foresee witnessing this side of Gil. Day drinking? But of course. Vaudevillianism? Well, I guess he did have that act with Herc the Mauler.


  1. Panel three reminds me of something I’ve seen in horse shows in Iceland. The Icelandic horse has a couple of gaits most other breeds do not, including the tölt, or “running walk.” Sometimes people demonstrate its remarkable smoothness by crossing the ring at full speed while drinking a glass of water. Gil can go one farther– talk while drinking.

    Funny that I mentioned the literary term “retardation” yesterday. Here, Whigrub is withholding information in order to create suspense, while at the same time dazzling us with Kelly’s research abilities, Gil’s impressionability, and his ability to talk and drink at the same time. How long, I wonder, before we find out that UG is either not a real lawyer or has been disbarred, and whether there is a bench warrant out for him in California?

    Comment by vaganova — December 20, 2017 @ 12:18 pm

  2. WOW what an Internet ninja! She used the Web information on a lawyer with a relatively uncommon name in a specific city. In only an hour!! What a miracle!!!!!!!

    If only someone else had thought to fire up the Google Machine at any point before now. But hey, maybe Google just arrived in Our Favorite Tank Town and Kelly’s the only one who’s hipped to this radical new technology.

    Comment by John S. Walters — December 20, 2017 @ 12:25 pm

  3. I see Gil ordered the Crucifix Cola in panel 2.

    Comment by Moon Mullins — December 20, 2017 @ 12:50 pm

  4. The guy in P2 is looking over his shoulder thinking “I wish those clowns over there would shut the fuck up….”

    Comment by franku2016 — December 20, 2017 @ 12:54 pm

  5. vaganova – if “retardation” is stretching things out, then we need a word that means spaghettifying the plot.

    Comment by lauramac — December 20, 2017 @ 2:20 pm

  6. Vaganova, John – absolutely right. Back in the spring, we established that Dafne Dafonte had mastered basic Google; she could have done the job in study hall. And, with what is already the most protracted, slowest moving story in a long time, Rubin has chosen to drraaagg it out even longer.
    What secret has Kelly uncovered (at the cost of a few minutes away from doing her job)? Gil plans to drop a dime on Gary, but thinks the timing is important. On behalf of all of us reading the strip, “immediately” is the timing you’re looking for.

    Comment by Philip — December 20, 2017 @ 3:00 pm

  7. Yes, Philip– immediately if not sooner. But who is the recipient? Mrs Soto, who might need to think about it until spring? Or Rick Sr, in Dubai? UG’s parole officer? Or perhaps Chief Lind? (I don’t remember seeing Chief Lind appear since the infamous Nutboys (they’re shitty) caper. I am not sure he even appeared in a frame during the Boo Radley story, though I think he did call Mimi to deliver the bad news.

    Lauramac, I will search the litcrit archives, but I think your suggestion (noun form “spaghettification”) will more than do for now.

    Comment by vaganova — December 20, 2017 @ 3:37 pm

  8. Great observations today. I guess that’s supposed to be Kaz in P2. He’s taking on a young Richard Gere look today. Maybe he’ll take that townie outside and bloody his nose after he pleads with him that he doesn’t want to fight.
    So this high school girl they have in the bar can do this all while taking phone calls. Whoever they is say we Americans waste thousands of hours of valuable work time filling out our NCAA brackets in March. I guess we could learn a thing or 2 from Tiffany or whatever her name is.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — December 20, 2017 @ 4:56 pm

  9. You know, we give UG a lot of grief around here and, of course, his diabolical inner monologue doesn’t help matters. That said, for all we or anyone else knows, perhaps just prior to departing, Papa Soto had a sitdown with him and said something like:

    “Look, Gar. I’m not gonna have time to back Connie up while I’m out of country. You know how easy she is to push around ever since the accident. When that football player’s helmet came crashing down into her telescopic lens, it ended her days as a pro photog and, as we’ve discussed with the specialist, she’ll struggle to be the parent she used to be. All we really know for sure at this point is that the hair above her right ear will never grow back.

    That’s why you coming out here means everything to me. At the end of the day, I wouldn’t be able to take this Dubai gig without your support. You’re the best brother to Connie and I’m lucky to have someone like you for my brother in law.

    Here’s the thing, though, you and I both know that what Rick needs to focus on, what his ticket out of this miserable tank town is, is his singing. Above all else, do me this favor and protect his voice. If there’s a conflict between that and football, you make sure he keeps his priorities straight. Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy he’s learning about hard work and being a good teammate. It’s just that there’s this meathead coach, Thorp, that’s already has raised a bunch of red flags with me. The guy seems to stumble through practices, he switches player positions without any kind of a plan and uses these whackjob formations that, if it weren’t for wikipedia, no one would know what they are.

    Plus, I’ve heard rumors that more than a few times he’s essentially disappeared some seasons, letting various oddballs and randos coach his teams. How this guy landed that four star quarterback and won a state championship I’ll never know. There had to be something fishy there that we never heard about. I know all of the other coaches in the Valley were pissed. Regardless, if there’s one thing I’ve learned living in this town it’s that the locals have the most f’d up priorities. That Dr. Pearl is a piece of work herself. Three words: Reality Television Show. No joke, I’ll tell you about it later.

    Anyway, do what you have to do. If that means you gotta play on some of Connie’s fears, well, so be it. Frankly, if one of these yahoos told me the sun was shining, I’d look up just to be sure. You get the picture and I know you’ll figure something out. No matter what, you’ve always been able to find a way.

    Speaking of, here’s the deal. I know things haven’t been easy for you lately. You had the Big Law gig in LA and were flying high about to make partner and the economy tanked, the firm imploded and you were just another laid off twelfth year associate scraping the bottom of the barrel right when you’d gotten to the point you thought you were gonna start eating steak. I get it. We both know that the law isn’t for you though. Think about it. Not making partner allowed you to discover your true talent for promotions and marketing.

    That’s you. That’s your future. So, what I want to do for you is, when I get back, I’ll stake you the money you need to get your hustle rolling in LA. Then, Connie, Rick and I will be able to make our way out there and give this tank town the short shrift it deserves for good. In LA, Connie’ll be able to get the treatment she needs and Rick can perform on the stage he deserves.

    Anyway, that’s the dream man. It’s gonna take time and things won’t be easy. That’s why I can’t say enough what this means to me. Just don’t let this chump, Thorp, fuck it up… Put ‘er there, man and let’s go get a goddamned beer!”

    Comment by timbuys — December 20, 2017 @ 6:51 pm

  10. Timbuys, I thought of that too. Or something along those lines. But couldn’t Rubin clue us in a bit. Maybe have UG say a time or 3,”Remember what your dad said,”. But none of that. And if that’s Rubins big secret until the end that’s pretty bogus.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — December 20, 2017 @ 7:19 pm

  11. So we’ve wasted the last 3 months watching Gary do his thing, and all it took was Kelly spending an hour to get to the bottom of why he’s Time Magazines “Dickwad of the Year”. And then Gil has the audacity, 5 days before Christmas, after installing the veer 2 months ago and running it for 2 games, losing 1, to wonder when to make the next move.

    I used to deliver mail on a country route, and my customers were rather generous at Christmastime with their gifts of food. Country people are like that. Anyway, when a new guy took over the route after I had bid on another one, I told him he was gonna get plenty of stuff for Christmas. He looked at me and deadpanned — “When??”

    Lol. Apparently they wern’t feeling it for him yet.

    Well thats how I feel about Gils pace of action on this event. Goddammit – before you know it we’ll be singing auld lang syne and Uncle Gary will still be haunting our dreams. He sits on his arse for 90 freakin days then after a one-hour analysis, is ready for action – but not til he takes a drink and THINKS ABOUT IT SOME MORE!!!

    Comment by robmize2013 — December 20, 2017 @ 8:12 pm

  12. And with that, timbuys writes rings around Neal Rubin and gives us logic the past three months of strips has woefully lacked. Kudos.

    Comment by teenchy — December 20, 2017 @ 8:27 pm

  13. […] a known souse and it’s not like Gil doesn’t knock back a few every now and then, in public, even. Marty’s got his Captain Haddock brows working again and, yeah, he wants Gil to clean up his […]

    Pingback by Lo siento, no lo siento | This Week in Milford — April 7, 2018 @ 12:14 pm

  14. […] Internet ninja […]

    Pingback by Next week, Joe and Kelly Watch “The Graduate” | This Week in Milford — December 8, 2018 @ 4:02 pm

  15. […] for lame article.) Maybe Kaz needs Kelly to book him a flight or maybe he has some other needs that internet ninja Kelly can […]

    Pingback by Billbored | This Week in Milford — December 24, 2018 @ 10:57 am

  16. […] do realize that your logins are being captured and it won’t take an internet ninja to figure out what you’ve been up to. Even if it’s Kaz doing the ninjaing (ninjing?). […]

    Pingback by Shortest. Debate. Ever. | This Week in Milford — October 19, 2019 @ 5:37 am

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