This Week in Milford

February 6, 2018

A B.L.T., Hold the Mayo, an Order of Onion Rings, and Thou Beside Me Discussing Roe vs. Wade at The Bucket…

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, song parody — tdrewhardin @ 3:16 am

020618

HAHAHA, oh, excuse me, let me get up off the floor, I was rollin’ in the aisles over the funny that ol’ Jorge Leghorn just uttered. Well, he’s got a southern accent, doesn’t he? And now the truth is out. Foghorn swam over the Rio Grande at night to seek the Land of Opportunity. If you look under one of his feathers, you’ll see his Green Card. Anyway, don’t you think that was a real knee-slapper?

And, all right, all right, they were in the cafeteria, not The Bucket(I can hear the cavalry coming) but if you’re going to wax poetic, it sounds better than “…an order of tater tots, lotsa ketchup, and thou beside me in the “B” gym by the basketball rack.”

I’ve seen sibling rivalries in my lifetime(I have a sister, I should know) but this one takes the cake. Are we going to be subjected to a Vladimir Ilyich Lenin vs Dr. J debate in the next couple of months(a conservative, I say, conservative estimate)? Man, Lenin might have stirred the revolution but his jumper left a little to be desired. Oh, that’ll be fodder at the local bar rooms. I pity the poor bouncer having to throw out the guy who got violently drunk while simultaneously defending Leon Trotsky’s ERA(“He needs a slider to go with his fastball and curve” “But he liberated the proletariat from the bourgeoisie!!!!!!!!”).  It makes me wonder if we’ll have time for basketball. Then again, I think I answered my own question. And I’d suggest a couple of freeze frames of basketball “action” to speed up the season while Plato and Socrates hash it out BUT we have both the boys teams and the girls teams to cram into the season, belated at that, 3 panels at a time. I hope Thorpiverse never does funeral pre-planning this way.

Soooooooo, leaving the quandary to some other schmuck with no life, I have another Zappa tune to close things out. Okay, kiddies, sing along, to the tune of “Bobby Brown”

Hey there, people, I’m Jorge Brown

Marty says I’m the highest-jumping boy in town

My shooting’s good

My rebounding’s shiny

I just told La Junta they can kiss my hiney

Oh God, I am the American Dream

I make the Milford cheerleaders want to scream

On defense, I’m a son of a bitch

I’m going to the NBA and get real rich

“… oh God, oh God, I’m so fantastic

Thanks to flubber, I’m a jumpin’ spastic…”

Because it’s Black History Month, I will talk about one African-American per week that is dear to my heart. Today, please, where you can, spread the word about Cowboy Bill Pickett. He was noted for bulldogging, a technique where he grabbed a steer by the horns and wrestled it to the ground by biting its lips. Worked EVERY time. He also, working for 101 Ranch Wild West Show, helped the show win a bet by hanging onto a bull in a bullfighting ring in Mexico City, the classless fans throwing bottles, trash, God knows what else, FOR 37 MINUTES when the bet only called for 15 minutes. He lead the charge for all the Black cowboys, the latter of whom represented 1/10 of the cowboy population in the 1800’s-early 1900’s. The man saw himself as just another cowboy. Which is why I promote him even more.

Gang, it’s your turn. I’m climbing out of the ring. The tag is made. Apply the sleeper hold on the Padillas with a vengeance.

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10 Comments »

  1. Dar har har, why would any well-adjusted high schooler waste time discussing Supreme Court decisions? C’mon, Paloma, get happy like your possibly manic, reality-denying kid brother!

    Comment by John S. Walters — February 6, 2018 @ 6:37 am

  2. The lead time on these strips must be at least 3 months. A more relevant debate now would be : Thomas or pancreatitis?

    Comment by Aldrich Therabloat® (@Downpuppy) — February 6, 2018 @ 7:32 am

  3. It’s not like I need an excuse to fire up Sheik Yerbouti early on a Tuesday morning while the coffee brews and the sun remains AWOL.

    “California’s got the most of them, boy they got a host of ’em.”

    Comment by timbuys — February 6, 2018 @ 8:31 am

  4. 1. Yep, good old dumb jock boys and their meaningless debates! I swear there’s no stereotype like an old stereotype…

    2. Irving or Thomas? Both are SHIT, but Irving is slightly less shit.

    3. I look forward to a season full of woke political girls trying to be all intellectually gritty and hardcore while strangely not discussing any real world politics or racism at all, because Rubin… I also look forward to the unavoidable moment when one or both of the Thorps tell the girls to STFU and talk about boys, shopping and social media instead…

    4. Just wanted to thank you for the words on Bill Pickett

    Comment by hitorque — February 6, 2018 @ 10:55 am

  5. Irving is starting the All-Star game.
    Thomas will be traded, put back on IR, or sent to a farm upstate in the next few weeks.
    http://www.cleveland.com/pluto/index.ssf/2018/02/cleveland_cavaliers_scribbles_78.html

    Comment by Aldrich Therabloat® (@Downpuppy) — February 6, 2018 @ 12:03 pm

  6. She doesn’t get that he’s being a huge wise-ass by calling them rowdy, unless he thinks that sitting there and breathing is being rowdy; also, discussing supreme court decision my ass….a table full of HS girls is more likely discussing the latest episode of The Bachelor

    Comment by franku2016 — February 6, 2018 @ 12:58 pm

  7. How about Kyrie Eleison vs Kyrie Irving? Lord have mercy, what a tough decision.

    Comment by Moon Mullins — February 6, 2018 @ 2:38 pm

  8. Kyrie Eleison, from Georgia!

    Comment by Aldrich Therabloat® (@Downpuppy) — February 6, 2018 @ 5:33 pm

  9. Wasting panels playing video games – sheesh. Need to get some games in – oh yeah they did, while we were away.

    Comment by robmize2013 — February 6, 2018 @ 7:31 pm

  10. Great comments, gang. I read this as a teenager, when Jimmy Carter had just been elected President, where a political analyst pointed out that Mr. Carter not only has some of the finest books on the bookshelf, you know, the ones a President would pose in front of, he READS them. Gotta learn somehow. I have tried to WATCH and LEARN because when you let the people speak, they will. Again, great stuff from y’all.

    Comment by tdrewhardin — February 7, 2018 @ 1:04 am


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