This Week in Milford

March 13, 2018

Who calls Assistant Coach Kaz, “Daddy-O”

gt03132018

Fe Fe Fi Fi Fo Fo Fum

Marty got run from the gymnasium

That Marty Moon

That Marty Moon

He’s a loon

That Marty Moon

He’s gonna get tough. Just you wait and see

Why is everybody always pickin’ on me?

BOOMBOOMBOOM

Who’s always ripping all the teams to shreds?

Who’s got the personality of Mr. Ed?

That Marty Moon

That Marty Moon

He’s a goon

That Marty Moon

He’ll avenge The Dove.  Just you wait and see

Why is everybody always pickin’ on me?

BOOMBOOMBOOM

He broadcasts all the ball games foaming bile

Even if the ‘Larks win by a mile

His enemies pile up and gather ’round

AND POINT AT HIM

MAR-TEEN?

YEAH YOU!!!!!!!!!

(Milford cheering section in unison, led by Mimi Thorp and Karina Klown)

BOOMBOOMBOOM

Who’s calling Coach Thorp impotent and slow?

Who is a vulture on the radio?

That Marty Moon

That Marty Moon

Come back soon

Oh Marty Moon

He’s gonna call your bluff.  Just you wait and see

Why is EVERYBODY always pickin’ on me?

The final BOOMBOOMBOOM can be heard fading into the sewer while Marty races like Dale Earnhardt to WDIG studios, fumbles with his keys to open the door, the Milford Courthouse clock showing 1:15AM, never too early for a muckraker to type a rough draft on his radio screed but too late to catch the other Marty heading back to 1955 due to BOOMBOOMBOOMS from the flux capacitor. A lot of BOOMBOOMBOOMS with his typewriter. From Marty MOON, not McFly, so that we’re clear on things.

Gang, it was toss-up between “Daddy-O” and “Who calls ol’ Doctor Pearl, Mommy-O”. I hope I made the right call.

Wow, gang, I don’t know about you but I think Karina and Paloma dropped one bomb too many over Pearl Harbor (no pun intended). They have aroused a sleeping giant who really never sleeps based upon his arrogance and abrasiveness but what’s a blog without the obligatory cliche, right? The point is, we’re in for some more mud-slinging for the next 2 months (oh boy oh boy). Only the hog-rassling event at the Milford County Fair offers more but that’s only for a day or two. At least in the latter the winner will get a blue ribbon. But wouldn’t you know it, there’s Gil to save the day. As Jive Turkey has noted on a couple of occasions, Gil has been non-existent, especially on this issue. And the extent of Daddy-O’s coaching has been to remind HOR-HAY that there’s a game in front of the Puerto Rican Huckleberry Hound. Not a lot of cool points being dished out. STILL, sure as the mutant poplars grow out of the evergreens like the ones in the background in P1 and shed their antlers(I DID check the definition for “deciduous”, goody me!!!!), Gil HAS drawn a bead on this one after sleeping in his coffin for centuries. That explains why Marty is TOTALLY out of character in P3, continuing his ring-kissing(or maybe the kissing of Gil’s, well, never mind). Gang, I’ll keep saying it. ANYBODY thinking Marty is going to go to the altar and repent better think again. There’s been plenty of Thorpiverse neophytes who had a Euraka!!!!! moment, exclaiming to their friends down at The Bucket “Marty has found Jesus!!!!!!” The Thorpiverse veteran in the corner booth of the same venue orders the Triple Layer Nacho Bandito Supreme because he knows better. They’ve seen Judas turn over a new leaf before only to wind up back in his WDIG office saying “Vengeance is mine, saith The Moon”. Nice set of encyclopedias in P3, Gil, BTW.

If ya lay a Yorkshire flat on its back in yore Hanes imported from the factory in Tijuana and all ya git fer yore troubles is a cream pie, a sombrero and mud enemas, ya might be a redneck.

“What the-                                                              ”

Can I help you?”

“Yeah, I’m looking for Coach Thorp. Did they move his office?”

“This has been the boiler room for years. WHO did you say you were looking for?”

“Coach Gil Thorp.”

“Never heard of him. You sure you’re in the right school?”

“Yeah, I broadcasted his game last week in the gym down that hallway.”

“That leads to the cafeteria.”

“What?? No way!!!!! Paloma and her friends ran me out of the gym last week.”

“It was New Year’s Day last week. The school would have been closed. Who’s this Palooka-”

“Paloma”

“Paloma, whatever. I never heard of her, either. Who is she, someone who wanted to celebrate 1955 and went a little overboard with it at your expense?”

“19-frickin’-55!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That’s 3 years before Gil was born!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Where the hell am I?”

“WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!!!!!!!!!

You’re on Riverdale High School property!!!!!!!!”

“And Dr. Pearl is not the principal?”

“NO!!!!! CERTAINLY NOT!!!!!!!!!! I AM the principal, Mr. Waldo Weatherbee!!!!!!!! But you can call me The Bee for short, if you like. The students do.”

“DOC!!!!!!!! THANK GOD!!!!!!!!! YA GOTTA SEND ME BACK TO MILFORD!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’LL EVEN APOLOGIZE TO PALOMA!!!!!!!!! BUT, DAMN IT, GET ME BACK TO 2018!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Marty, where did you get that goatee? Nobody grows facial hair in 1955.”

Today’s Women’s History Month entry is another personal favorite of mine, Annie Oakley. Born Phoebe Ann Mosey, she was a VERY adroit talent with the rifle, at one time defeating her future husband, Frank E. Butler, who was not too shabby with the rifle himself. She went on tour with Buffalo Bill’s Wild West Show, dazzling audiences with her marksmanship. She could hit dimes at a distance, shoot a cigarette out of her husband’s mouth, hit a target from behind her, using only a mirror to line up the shot. What was neater was she would hold shooting clinics before the Wild West Show, instructing people on how to use a rifle and the safety procedures that went with it. A picture of Annie helping a young girl shoot a clay pigeon said it all and melted my heart. Annie, you did us proud and proved that women could use a rifle just as well as a man, especially when a rifle was necessary to defend yourself. Please spread the word about her as she contributed to humanity in a MIGHTY way.

Gang, have at it. I gotta go to 1955 and bail out Marty, both of them. AGAIN. Does anybody have a spare key to the flux capacitor?

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5 Comments »

  1. Today’s installment features Gil in Full Douchebag Mode. Panel 1 has him belittling the students’ real, actual concerns with Marty’s blatant racism. In panel 2, he loves it when other people bash Marty. Just look at that total Gildo smirk. And in panel 3, he goes passive aggressive in his confrontation with Mar-Teen.

    Nice set of encyclopedias, though.

    Comment by John S. Walters — March 13, 2018 @ 7:09 am

  2. Right you are John about the encyclopedias. Gil dusted them off to look up Puerto Rico. But he started drooling when he came across Puerto Rican rum. Thus ending research. As Mimi says,”If I had a dime every time Gil opened an encyclopedia, we’d be on government cheese.”

    Comment by Jive Turkey — March 13, 2018 @ 12:03 pm

  3. So, wait, by ’em, does Marty mean Latinos? Holy cow.

    Comment by timbuys — March 13, 2018 @ 4:30 pm

  4. Gang, you all done good today. Thank you for your input. I am waiting with bated breath to see how this plays out. Ehhhh, maybe not. Anyway, again, great job, you all are why we have TWIM. Let’s go at it again tomorrow.

    Comment by tdrewhardin — March 13, 2018 @ 8:58 pm

  5. No, my friends see Marty Moon as a bolshevik Hitler who never had Scott towels.

    Comment by sheikhollis — April 19, 2018 @ 6:31 am


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