This Week in Milford

April 25, 2018

Doing It Wrong, Unfortunately


P1: No offense to his real world namesake intended, but I did not realize that we were really signing up for another tour with the Secret. Originally, I didn’t mind him too much but now it seems he’s gunning to be another Milford High huckster with this launch angle foolishness. How a calculator would figure into his scheme is beyond me.

P2: Nothing like sitting around talking about what people said for excitement and adventure. Are the two young women in back having to share a milk shake?

P3: Is there some sort of corollary to the Bechdel test where the female characters just sit there and watch the male characters talk? I know we keep hammering on that point but, c’mon, Whigrub didn’t even give them their own drinks nevermind dialogue. Regardless, I like that Freckles here answers the question of what is Barry’s story by telling Spike McWidow’s Peak* about his story and not, oh say, the story iteself. Oh well, tune in tomorrow when we revisit one of the more distasteful story arcs in some time.

* Wait, I just realized that’s supposed to be Jorge…



  1. Once again I must ask why Barry never transferred two years ago since it is clear that everyone at school and on the baseball team still have a vendetta against him… (Barry has a completely valid point, but we see well-reasoned logic is anathema to the Milfordverse.)

    Comment by hitorque — April 25, 2018 @ 7:28 am

  2. Barry was unlikable-y intense before his father’s drunk driving killed Addison Radley and the 2016 summer story arc. If anything, the experience softened him slightly. Very slightly.

    Comment by billytheskink — April 25, 2018 @ 7:36 am

  3. Good to see young Master Bader is going to have a comeback. Maybe we will see him visit Pop at the State Pen.

    Comment by Bob Hricik — April 25, 2018 @ 7:38 am

  4. Unless Pops Vader has turned into Pops Heathcliff, he should be out by now. One of the girls looks like Dafne Dafoe, which might add something. Otherwise, my fondest hope for baseball is that it end by July.

    Comment by Downpuppy, w/cheez (@Downpuppy) — April 25, 2018 @ 8:27 am

  5. So let me get this straight. The baseball season doesn’t even start on its own turf, instead gets cooped up in the gym where basketball, volleyball, slaughterball, kickball, wrestling(even though ya still gotta roll out the mats) normally take center stage. It’s probably just as well that Marty got his exile extended. I really couldn’t see him competing with MPN while calling the whiffleball tournament. So what is baseball doing in the gym as the Odd Man Out?
    Now in fairness, when I was involved in Babe Ruth League Baseball or my nephew played high school baseball, on cold or rainy days we would head to the local gym SOMEWHERE and practice SOMETHING. And it’s normal for high school or college teams to engage in this practice when the baseball diamond is unplayable.
    But this is Milford Mudlark Baseball. And if you want to go to the College World Series like my favorite college baseball team has done several times in the last 10-15 years, you buy a calculator. That explains why we got eliminated last year. We forgot to bring our TI-84 with us. Woulda been handy when we were swinging for the fences. Our bats would have woke up if we’d press the sine function rather than cotangent. Our left fielder forgot to call off the shortstop on a Texas Leaguer(pardon the pun)? Damn it, you forgot to punch the factorial function. Dumbass.
    And when our runner got called out trying to steal second base and it was a bad call(he WAS safe)? Next time, I won’t forget to bring the TI-84 Model Graphing Calculator. Those cosine waves really intimidate the Men in Blue. I just got caught in the heat of the moment.
    And so far this week, we STILL aren’t anywhere near the ball park. At least if we’re gonna be confined to the gym, is the detour to The Bucket really necessary? As timbuys noted, the females are statues sculpted by Auguste Rodin in P2.
    Oh well, if you get bored with Moose, The Science Guy in P1, you can always shoot free throws at the other end with Aardvark. I’m sure he’s still in the script SOMEWHERE(there’s that word again).

    Comment by tdrewhardin — April 25, 2018 @ 8:59 am

  6. Fairly sure the calculator is just for when you run out of fingers counting his taters.

    Comment by Downpuppy, w/cheez (@Downpuppy) — April 25, 2018 @ 9:05 am

  7. And not a smart phone in sight, either as a calculator or as a time-killer used by the girls in the booth while the two nimrods with them talk about exciting shit like what Barry Bader sez

    Comment by franku2016 — April 25, 2018 @ 9:09 am

  8. Remember these lost days when, sometime after the Fourth of July, the baseball storyline rushes to an unsatisfying conclusion and we’ve seen maybe four actual games.

    Comment by jvwalt — April 25, 2018 @ 9:57 am

  9. I’m all for continuing baseball until August and two-a-dayers. “Summer Plot” to me suggests “golf plot,” which to me is “Niagara Falls.”

    I live in the northeast, where this is the first week of 2018 when snow has not appeared in the ten day forecast. Here, the horsehiders spend much of April in the gym, hitting tennis balls delivered by the pitching machine.

    Comment by vaganova — April 25, 2018 @ 3:08 pm

  10. He drives a cab at night around Milford, has trouble sleeping.

    Comment by sheikhollis — April 26, 2018 @ 1:18 pm

  11. Hahaha. No offense taken ! My real life has ZERO parallels to this guy. Especially since I’m bald !

    Comment by Kevin Pelwecki — April 30, 2018 @ 2:27 pm

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