This Week in Milford

May 1, 2018

Today’s entry was a toss-up between “A Charlie Brown Padilla Special” on the Hallmark Channel or Moose’s “Getting It On The Green” on ESPN3.

gt05012018

Gang, I don’t know about you, but I’ve HAD ENOUGH of the Padillas. AND Moose while I’m on a rant ‘n’ rave. It’s bad enough that Charlie Brown Padilla née Jorge really wasn’t a factor in the last plot although you wouldn’t know it when he was a cause celebre via the Milford Pirate Network. Now he’s sticking his nose into other Specials, y’know, Halloween Special, Christmas Special, President’s Day Special, well, you get the General Idea. Moose isn’t any better but I’m goin’ generic here. Ya gotta admit Charlie Brown Moose is kinda awkward. Ok, Charlie Brown Pelwicki could pass but what if the producer is dyslexic and we’re stuck with Charlie Pelwicki Brown? Charlie Moose Brown? Lucy Padilla would have a cow. Therefore, Charlie Brown Padilla it is. And as long as he is confined to the area where you hear Vince Guaraldi’s “Linus & Lucy” throughout the Special, okay, I’ll swallow it and stay tuned for Batman’s “Earth Day Special”. But I swear if I see Charlie Brown Padilla in the Batcave punching information on the Batcomputer to try to locate The Joker’s hideout in a desperate attempt to keep him from bombing Gotham City with raw sewage out of SEVERAL C-130’s (keep in mind, we’re talking a Special related to Earth Day), I’m switching the channel to Gunsmoke (tune in tonight for a Special 2-Hour Earth Day episode when Matt Dillon battles The Dalton Gang when they are caught dead to rights pissing indiscriminately in Cripple Creek). Moose displaying his batting technique on “Perry Como’s Christmas Extravaganza for the Ages-Live in Branson, Missouri at House of Como”? Better be good.

And while Moose’s Rise to the Majors with a 9-Iron is still fresh in my mind, it seems the plotline gods are desperately trying to make up for Moose’s disappearance in last Fall’s scenario by encouraging his latest venture, somewhat reckless though it may be. Gonna be up front with you, gang, right off the bat (no pun intended). After working with hitters in Babe Ruth League Baseball and seeing some be successful at the high school level, I have no clue what Moose is talking about. And I humbly say that cuz I realize players make coaches, not the other way around. The players made me, trust me.

So that out of the way, if Moose is going to climb back up where he dropped off the Grand Tetons back in football season, he should at least have the common decency to swing the bat better if he wants to avoid the sand traps, as in P1. Those hazards could be killers when going for extra bases. Don’t swing for the fences only to wind up in the pond, Moose. And watch the alligators. They’ve been known to feast on aluminum bats. Furthermore, too many ball drops and not only will you get penalized a stroke, the batting average is going to suffer. Price you pay for going yard.

And as John S., Jive Turkey, et al, have mentioned, Gil’s coaching has been sparse (again, trying to be nice). So when he has a chance to make up for lost time as in P2, he falters by giving Moose tips on how to survive the Mudlark USSSA Modified Slo-Pitch Tournament this weekend at the Milford Softball Complex. Sure, Moose, that’s a sure-fire way to keep from popping up to the 3rd baseman. Oh, here, you’ll need to give the Tournament Director this Red Dot.

Right before “James Brown: Live at The Apollo ’68” Special is about to commence

“Bootsy, what’s that bald-headed honky with the funny-striped shirt doin’ talkin’ to our bass player?”

“I don’t know, James, but we’re too late to do anything. Just do your best struttin’ while we rip into “Papa’s Got a Brand New Bag”. It’s a bit dark on stage, maybe the brothers and sisters in the audience won’t notice.”

CAN I TAKE IT TO THE BRIDGE!!!!!!!!!!

YEAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

CAN I TAKE IT TO THE BRIDGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAN I TAKE IT TO-

Charlie Brown Padilla is escorted exit left by the Boston Police. Yeah, I think James Brown (don’t get me started, gang, LOVE The Godfather of Soul) does it better.

And you whippersnappers and long-suffering Moody Blues fans are in for a treat. Because this plot is ALREADY getting on my nerves and with the recent induction of the Moody Blues into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (about damn time), I thought I’d kill 2 Padillas plus a Moose with 1 stone.  From their album “The Present”, sung to the tune ‘Sorry’, take ‘er away, Ray Thomas (flutist on “Nights in White Satin”, saxophonist on “I’m Just a Singer (in a Rock ‘n’ Roll Band)”, BTW)

Just hope that they leave

I’m glutted of their presence

Just maybe Snuffy Smith

Will brook their adolescence

I am willing to trade

Their butts for Hi & Lois

They’re grating my nerves

This plot’s in reverse

Soon it’ll swerve

My sanity’s left out to dry

for the last time

I’ll tell you up front, DAMN STRAIGHT,

it’s for the last time

Wayward Mudlark Runaround People-Ramble

Wayward Mudlark Runaround People-Wear the plot thin

Pointless-a word that’s aptly used to sum up what’s going down

Pointless is the way they steer this frickin’ bumper car into the ground

Do we dare pursue a whim

They’re laying useless BS on us

I can smell it across the gym

The odors shot from their lips

With them it always did

I think we’re hanging Marty Moon

for the last time

Padillas and Moose skip town

vamoose for all time

(The London Philharmonic Orchestra, Vienna Boys Choir, Milford Pirate Network cheering section, John Lodge, Justin Hayward (keep in mind, Graeme Edge is on drums, unable to stand in choral pews), the parrot contributing the falsetto voice, and 10,000 angels join Ray)

Wayward Mudlark Runaround People-stink

Wayward Mudlark Runaround People-bite the big one

Pointless-we’ll never see the light of day in this plot for fools

Pointless is the way they go from A to Z through a broken slide rule

Wayward Mudlark Runaround People, whoa, Nelly, if I keep this going, I’ll become one of them. No sense in winning the lead role in The Myth of Sisyphus.

If ya smuggle yore Falls City Beer across the border because ya don’t feel like paying duty on the merchandise at hand, stashin’ it under the steering column but later discover it’s the wrong country but find out it’s just as fun ta git rowdy and drunk with the Eskimos, ya might be a redneck.

A scene on the Ken Burns’ Jazz Special

“…Flat Foot Floogie with the Floy, Floy

Flat Foot Floogie with the Floy Floy

Floy-doy, Floy-doy, Floy-doy, Floy-doy

When you’re feelin’ low-down

You don’t know what to do

And you wanna show-down

It’s The Dance, The Dance, The Dance to doooooooooooooo

THAT’S IT, MCVOUTIE BROWNIE PADILLAROONI, NOW YOU ROLLIN’ LIKE A TRUE VOUT-A-HIPSTER, ISN’T HE, TINY? OH, YOU’RE STEPPIN’ SO VOUT-A-REENIE!!!!!!!!!!! WELL, ALL REET, YARDBIRD-A-REENO, TAKE THE NEXT CHORD BEFORE YOU CUT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

The world of Slim Gaillard (see James Brown Godfather comment) was forever altered that night at the Milford Jazz Club.

Today’s headline in the Milford Enquirer

“Charlie Brown Padilla in ICU at Milford General Hospital, Requires 42 Stitches in his Cheeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

sub headline

“Overextended himself trying to play ‘Ool-Ya-Koo’ on ‘Tribute to Dizzy Gillespie.”

Speaking of Ray Thomas, I sadly announce his passing. His rapport with the crowd when I saw MB in concert was fantastic. He really knew how to work the crowd at Mesker Outdoor Amphitheater in the Ohio Valley humidity with that heavy British accent. He was an excellent jack-of-all-trades, playing many instruments (as previously mentioned) and contributing many songs, all with an excellent cherubic feel to them. I miss you, Ray. RIP, My Man.

I would like to break a rule and extend Black History Month by expressing my UTTER JOY over the induction of Nina Simone into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Guys, what were you THINKING? I VERY reluctantly set aside my anger at the crock of justice to note that she had an impressive resume, “Silk & Soul” her calling card that bowled over the critics many times over. She also wowed the crowd with “My Baby Just Cares For Me” and “Young, Gifted and Black”. She ran the gamut from Soul to R & B to Jazz to Rock and Roll and could transition them quite deftly. A Civil Rights activist, arguably to the bitter end (who could blame her?), she lived in France for the remainder of her life. But her influence was felt worldwide and still is. As Justin Hayward, guitarist for the Moody Blues, said during his acceptance speech at the R & R HOF Induction, “Nina Simone showed us how it should be done.” I knew I loved your music for a reason, Justin. Please join me in saluting a worthy member into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and PLEASE spread her name. She deserves it.

Gang, fire away. I don’t think Moose’s buddies are sold on his concept. Maybe if kept his elbow up when he teed off on Dog Leg Right at #13, par 5, at the Milford Golf Course, oh, never mind.

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9 Comments »

  1. I’ll admit I don’t know modern practice techniques, but is it normal to do the swing motion without a bat? Or is this a Pelwecki thing?

    Otherwise, I have to admit it’s nice to see Gil actually… coaching. Almost unprecedented, but nice to see.

    Comment by John S. Walters — May 1, 2018 @ 6:23 am

  2. Gil coaching! Mark this date!

    Comment by billytheskink — May 1, 2018 @ 8:40 am

  3. Yes; and the coaching that he’s actually doing is about the same as most little league coaches do. He should get this chuckle-head to practice hitting off a tee to really work on his swing; a lot of MLB players regularly practice with a tee.

    Comment by franku2016 — May 1, 2018 @ 9:14 am

  4. Moose is turning into former cocky Mudlark Adam Mundy. I actually enjoyed that season with him back around 2003 or so. A bunch of goofs like myself on our softball team had a fun time imitating him that summer. Gil again had a tough time reining in his player that year.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — May 1, 2018 @ 9:30 am

  5. Good point about the tee. If he’s not hitting off one of those, that implies one of the pitchers is ripping up his rotator cuff and ulnar collateral so Pelwecki can practice a bad swing.

    Comment by Philip — May 1, 2018 @ 10:04 am

  6. Can the return of Heather Burns for the summer plot be far behind? Heck, is Molly Kinsella still toting bags down at the Milford Country Club?

    Comment by timbuys — May 1, 2018 @ 11:43 am

  7. Gil never could reign in Adam Mundy back in 2002, and he ultimately kicked him off the team for insubordination during a key at bat in a game where Mundy had already driven in 8 runs.

    Comment by billytheskink — May 1, 2018 @ 1:47 pm

  8. Yeah Billy it’s fun to revisit that year. That kid was total tool but funny on outside looking in. Would hate to have an actual teammate like that. I seem to remember some scouts visiting and not liking what they saw.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — May 1, 2018 @ 4:05 pm

  9. I should know better than to make a post after I just got jacked up(for the umpteenth time-ha) watching U2 and Fergie and Mick Jagger go electric on me while performing “Gimme Shelter”.
    Anyway, gang, you done me proud today. We had a lot of funny comments, some good insights, and a war story or two. Let’s keep THAT up even when it’s not under my watch. Great job, Ladies & Gents.
    Let’s help timbuys pick apart Gil’s fledgling return to coaching tomorrow.

    Comment by tdrewhardin — May 1, 2018 @ 9:29 pm


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