This Week in Milford

May 16, 2018

Moms Can Drive Drunk Too


P1: The girls just achieved a significant victory so, of course, they’re talking about talking to a boy.

P2: Double D ain’t too good at establishing rapport.

P3: Nor recovering well when she gets called out on it. Good on Barry for firmly shutting this nonsense down.

Bonus Questions:

P1: That is quite an array of Milfordian Chunky Bracelets and Carrie (?) is also rocking the Huge Earrings. Do you suppose this surfeit of jewelry could be affecting their gaits?

P2: What could possibly be so fascinating about Foreground Character #2’s fork that he is intently studying it while his curiously collared cafeteria companion catches DD and BB’s contretemps?

P3: Will DD doggedly drive on due to her devotion to documenting BB’s dad’s drunken driving?

And, finally, has the Spring plot already started to fly off the rails? Well, I think we all know the answer to that one.



  1. P1: I guess she thinks DD said “I’m going to go down on Barry Bader”

    Comment by franku2016 — May 16, 2018 @ 9:21 am

  2. Freckles must appear on Baders face as he gets more angry. Tdrew I think I saw that Garber at bat also. (Technically it was an at bat, but at best plate appearance.) I was a big Braves fan back then and was estactic when something called a cable company carried The Superstation and Atlanta Braves. After they traded Dale Murphy, I was done with the Bravos.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — May 16, 2018 @ 9:28 am

  3. Barry: “Back off! I have methyl ethyl ketone, and I’m not afraid to use it!”

    Comment by Philip — May 16, 2018 @ 10:01 am

  4. So… is Rubin trying to paint Bader in a sympathetic light by pairing him with this busybody?

    Comment by billytheskink — May 16, 2018 @ 10:55 am

  5. Drive, He Said?
    They don’t make ’em like that anymore

    Comment by Downpuppy, Lord of the Files (@Downpuppy) — May 16, 2018 @ 10:59 am

  6. Based on the direction of his eyes, I think Fork Boy dropped some of today’s “Pulled Pork Special” in his lap. It’s also why seatmate Pat Benatar is offering him her napkin.

    Comment by Moon Mullins — May 16, 2018 @ 11:02 am

  7. Panel 2 is really weird. What are those foreground characters eating off of? There’s nothing but a textbook and a water bottle in front of them on the table. Maybe the Milford custom is to keep your tray on your lap?

    I really want to join in on reminiscing about the 80’s Atlanta Braves on the Superstation. Practically every game was televised so it was the only way I got to see the Pirates. The Braves sucked so bad it was entertaining to listen to Skip Carey revel in the suckitude and read promos for crappy movies. I remember one year when the left side of the infield was Ron Gant at third and Andres Thomas at short. I think they had at least 50 errors between them. And then there was the brilliant pick up of Lonnie Smith. Bill James wrote about Smith’s outfield defense in one of his baseball abstracts:

    “Many players can kick a ball behind them without ever knowing it; Lonnie can judge by the pitch of the thud and the subtle pressure through his shoe in which direction and how far he has projected the sphere…. He knows exactly what to do when a ball spins out of his hand and flies crazily into a void on the field, when it is appropriate for him to scamper after a ball and when he needs to back up the man who will have to recover it. He has experience in these matters; when he retires he will be hired to come to spring training and coach defensive recovery and cost containment. This is his specialty, and he is good at it.”

    and also poor ol’ Otis Nixon, who never looked a day under 60 years old. Dale Murphy in a Phillies uniform just didn’t look right at all.

    Good times….bad baseball.

    Comment by nedryerson — May 16, 2018 @ 11:41 am

  8. GT: I’m sorry, what’s the news value in this again?? And what’s preventing her from driving out to the state pen and interviewing dad herself? While it is a journalistic courtesy, she technically doesn’t even need Barry’s “permission”…

    GT 2: Barry is right to be pissed off – Even though his dad was guilty he still tried to defend him, which any son would do and the school made him a pariah for it, treating Barry like HE was the one behind the fucking wheel… His own teammates ridiculed and shunned him as Gilberto+Kaz looked on in a silence of approval, assholes twice his size wanted to fight him, and nobody at school gave enough of a shit to talk to him as a person for two years, BUT NOW Little Miss High School Pulitzer Trying to Impress Her Teacher wants to be his friend all of a sudden, and Barry is seeing right through her. Like I said, Barry should have transferred two years ago.

    Comment by hitorque — May 16, 2018 @ 11:46 am

  9. And mark me down as another who enjoyed those LONG summers of the “Never Say Die” Atlanta Braves on TBS… I spent my summers with my grandmother in rural Alabama in the 80s and her cable TV package was like 15 channels so TBS was like the go-to station for everything… And during the early afternoon whenever the temperature got much higher than 100 degrees (i.e., every day) grandma wouldn’t let me go outside to play so I was *SO* happy for those 1:05 games because the only other alternative was soap operas… God, to see the waves of noontime heat radiating around Fulton County Stadium and the white-hot blinding glare reflecting from those home jerseys on TV in front of 4,000 people (announced crowd 11,497)…

    Ironically I went to college in Atlanta in the late-90s and seeing all those newly-minted shit-talking fans in their hats and jerseys always stuck in my craw (FWIW I grew up as a Mets fan so my resentment was completely unrelated to the fact that the Mets were a toxic dump site back then)… My uncle got me a Braves hat and literally until 1991 I was the *ONLY* person who wore one in the entire state of Virginia and this was even with the Braves AAA affiliate in Richmond(!)

    And as an aside, motherfuck the Braves for getting a free stadium from the ’96 olympics, completely gutting it’s perfectly beautiful architecture, and then crying poverty and fleeing to Marietta not even 20 years later…

    Comment by hitorque — May 16, 2018 @ 12:05 pm

  10. I grew up in Alabama, started watching the Braves on TBS in the early ’70s, and I remember many, many lean years. One season they had Willie Montanez at first, and he was the closest thing they had to a major league player (trivia point: due to a tricky schedule and a mid-season trade, he played in 163 games in 1976). They finally got good, and all of a sudden, you couldn’t leave the house without seeing Braves caps on people who would not have been able to name a single player from 1981. There were those of us proud that we had been Braves fans when it took character to do it.
    Then I moved, and moved again, and missed all the really good years. Now I’m in western NY, with in-laws in Queens – which makes me a Bills and Mets fan. I wonder sometimes what sort of heinous evil I did in a previous life to earn that kind of karma.

    Comment by Philip — May 16, 2018 @ 12:36 pm

  11. Something I never thought I’d say: I’m with Barry. The last thing you need when your family is in turmoil is some rookie reporter digging into your shit. She needs to cover school budgets for about six more years before she’s prepared to handle this kind of emotional complexity with nuance and grace.

    Comment by John S. Walters — May 16, 2018 @ 1:12 pm

  12. Yes ned, I remembered that James quote about Lonnie Smith. Looking him up, he was poor defensively, but not as epically bad as it sounds. Noticing that the top 3 in errors in LF were all in the Hall of Fame, I focused on Lou Brock, who played a lot later than the other 2 there. Brock appears to have been as bad as Smith looked: -16.8 dwar.

    Comment by Downpuppy, Lord of the Files (@Downpuppy) — May 16, 2018 @ 1:29 pm

  13. GT 3: Only in the goddamn Milfordverse is an exchange like that between a couple of jailbait hotties completely 100% non-sexual….

    Comment by hitorque — May 16, 2018 @ 1:48 pm

  14. I hate the Braves and never forgave them for leaving Boston.

    They played at what is now a BU football field in Allston, and while finances led them to move to Milwaukee (they weren’t very good) they were at least entertaining. Sibby (Sebastian) Sisti played half a dozen positions for them, and like Willie Mays, was a gamer. In an April game in the early fifties, it was about forty degrees with horizontal sleet, and, badly behind, the Braves needed to get the game called before it became official after five innings. In the on-deck circle, Sisti emptied a bag of wadded up newspaper, tongue depressors, and other debris, and set it afire with his Zippo, pantomiming warming his hands.

    He was ejected, the game continued, and the Braves lost… again.

    Still not seeing any defensible reason for DD to be trying to do a story about the Baders. This has to be the weakest plot premise in twenty years.

    Comment by vaganova — May 16, 2018 @ 2:43 pm

  15. @hitorque (1:48), Yeah, I played around with that line for potential post titles. After going a little ways down that road, I decided that the characters are presumably depicted as under 18 and I’d probably have an easier time of things just by keeping it classy.

    ETA: Classy by TWIM’s unstated and purposefully vague standards that is.

    Comment by timbuys — May 16, 2018 @ 2:52 pm

  16. @vagnova: My dad and his cousins hated the NFL Cardinals for leaving Chicago and hated the Bears even more for staying.

    Comment by franku2016 — May 16, 2018 @ 2:59 pm

  17. Boston Braves?! Man, how old are you Vaganova? Didn’t expect this much reminiscing about the Braves. Does anyone remember Chief Nokahoma? I’m sure he’s not allowed in these times. But I didn’t realize when I was a kid that it stood for knock a homer. I just thought that sounded like an Indian name. He sure looked lonely in that teepee out beyond CF somewhere.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — May 16, 2018 @ 4:19 pm

  18. Ah, what the heck, as long as we’re talking the good ol’ days of baseball, you all make some good points that I wanna address.
    Ned, I remember when Skip Caray would just be absolutely worthless when the score was 11-1 in the 4th Inning and the Braves were doing their best imitation of roadkill. Pitching was just HORRENDOUS many nights. Skip would just drag along, many times not saying a word. I like him as an announcer and it was tough to blame him.
    Hitorque, i was a part of those 4,000 people(ha). And it WAS 4,000 in attendance. I liked your observation how they’d fudge the figures(they did) at Fulton County Stadium because they’d announce 21,674 was at the game when there were whole sections, say, around 1st base area or 3rd base area that were just flat out EMPTY. Now, in fairness, when Ted Turner took over, people bought into his aggressive style and fans started showing up simply because SOMEBODY gave a hoot. Before he took over, it was disgraceful the commitment ownership put into the thing. They were living off Hank Aaron’s home run record but when the buzz wore off and you still had bad baseball, as Ned said, and fans were frustrated over non-moves or BAD moves for trades, they just didn’t show up. But I liked how you mentioned the Superstation really got the Braves out(wow). Before the Marlins or Devil Rays, you had quite a number of people sporting Braves caps and merchandise in general all over the southeast. It was cool to be a Braves fan when Ted took over, especially with his aggresive marketing strategy. And the Braves merchandise catalog did NOT use models. I got a copy one year when I wanted to order and the people displaying the merchandise were just plain common folk with a Braves helmet on. Granted, the catalog had a few downtrodden characters, i. e., hadn’t shaved in 3 days, chest hair jutting out of a Braves shirt, maybe 1 or 2 with B.O., BUT Ted made the message clear: I’m one of you. And it worked.
    But Philip, I agree with you, they all did the Tomahawk Chop when they were winning and I understand the resentment when the rest of us stuck with ’em through thick and thin. Even though the ’70’s was BAD, the early ’80’s had a pretty damn good team. We’re talking Chris Chambliss at 1B, a shrewd player with good leadership qualities, NOTHING rattled him, Glenn Hubbard, solid at 2B, Bob Horner, when he wasn’t injured, a home run hound and solid at 3B, Dale Murphy, of course, as people have mentioned, Claudell Washington in RF(God, how many jumps he made to rob HR’s). What was the fans’ excuse THEN? I admire your sticking it out. Believe me, it was no fun to watch my dad yell at the TV(ha) when Jerry Royster was getting picked off(again).
    Vaganova, along those lines, I love it when Jim Irsay, Colts’ owner pulls up stakes ever so often when trying to get the best deal on a training facility. One year he’s in Anderson, next year he’s in Terre Haute, etc. I find it rather bemusing.
    Jive Turkey, that DID seem to be something Braves fans still talk about, like it’s comparable to Kirk Gibson’s slam in ’88. I mean, the dude just NEVER BATTED. He held that thing like an apprentice knight trying to steady a 300-pound sword. That sorta ranks right up there with Where Were You When They Landed a Man on the Moon.
    Time to eat my Apple Pecan Chicken Salad from Wendy’s(ha ha).

    Comment by tdrewhardin — May 16, 2018 @ 7:48 pm

  19. Ah yes Claudell Washington. He also played for the White Sox. Still my favorite banner ever was displayed at Comiskey in right field. It said,”Washington slept here.”

    Comment by Jive Turkey — May 16, 2018 @ 8:07 pm

  20. Jive Turkey you took the words out of my mouth! I remember that sign too. And I watched Americas Team quite a bit in the summer of 83 when I was in college. They were good – every man in the lineup hit .300. They year before, they played the Cubs at Wrigley and I was in the first row of the upper deck. The Braves hit 5 home runs off Fergie Jenkins in his 2nd go-around with the Cubs. Dale Murphy, Bruce Benedict, Glenn Hubbard , Bob Horner, and … Larry Whisenton went yard. Anyone remember him? He was a utility outfielder who hit 4 homers all year. That was a power display I still remember from great seats. Phil Niekro was the Braves pitcher, marking the first time I saw 2 future Hall fo Famers oppose each other.

    They had 3 good years in a row but only won 1 division, the Dodgers and Padres beating them out the other 2 years. And they lost to the Cardinals in the playoffs so they couldnt even advance once. Then in 85 they signed Bruce Sutter as a free agent and watched his arm fall off before he could pitch a game. Biggest bust they ever had. After that they were garbage til the 90’s when they cranked out 14 divisions in a row largely due to good drafting from being bad for 5 years.

    One other memory – the July 4 1985 game against the Giants – I believe Bob Brenly made 4 errors in the game but wound up hitting the game winning home run in the 25th inning some 7 hours after the game started and the fans who stuck around were treated to the fireworks display after the game that was promised even though it was 3 o clock in the morning. I also think Rick Camp hit a home run in that game to tie it up in the 9th, his only homer of his career. That Giants team wound up losing 100 games. I may have some facts wrong but thats what I remember.

    Comment by robmize2013 — May 16, 2018 @ 9:30 pm

  21. Jive Turkey, the Braves (formerly the Bees) left Boston when I was in first grade and I barely remember them. But I had a brother ten years older, and most of my Boston Braves stuff (along with the Cleveland Browns stuff) comes from him. I do remember the Browns moving to Baltimore and becoming the Orioles. They are the second AL Baltimore Orioles– the first lasted only a couple of years before moving to New York and becoming the Highlanders (Yankees.)

    Comment by vaganova — May 17, 2018 @ 8:11 am

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