This Week in Milford

July 30, 2018

None Of This Feels Real

Filed under: Gil Thorp, golf, Mimi Thorp, What the hell is going on here? — nedryerson @ 5:47 am

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So we kick off what’s left of summer with the now traditional serving of the lemonade. (We will take Gil at his word that it’s lemonade and not something stronger. Or will we?)

Do you think Gil took the time to squeeze a bunch of lemons or did he just mix up a batch of Country Time? If Gil Thorp, the comic strip in its modern incarnation, was lemonade, it would be made from an expired pouch of powdered mix found in a dumpster behind the grocery store that sells all the dented can goods.

What’s the big deal with lemonade anyway? It’s only good when it’s loaded with sugar. Maybe lemonade is an apt metaphor for Gil Thorp. It’s fondly remembered as a refreshing treat, but as a practical matter, it’s barely worth the effort.

Maybe you out there in TWIMland have a different opinion of lemonade. Please share it with us. What else are we going to talk about?

We can talk about these two characters on bicycles, in the rain, with full golf bags strapped to them?? Can you really do that? Even without the rain, I believe that would be unwise. Some sort of pull behind, mini trailer is in order. But kids will be kids*. Let’s just hope we don’t have a accident as they weave down the road spilling golf clubs everywhere.

Are you excited that we’re talking about golf? No? Lemonade is still on the table!

*Actually, to really haul something impractically and dangerously, adults are required. This weekend, I saw an SUV on the interstate with a king mattress set strapped to the roof. I’m talking a three layer job, the two separate box springs and the mattress. The mattress was on top, of course.

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13 Comments »

  1. They don’t think the heavy stuff’s gonna come down for quite a while. Which one will play the Bishop and which will play Carl Spackler?

    Comment by teenchy — July 30, 2018 @ 6:07 am

  2. “Lemonade” should have air quotes around it. Yes, the colorized version shows a yellow liquid in that pitcher, but there’s no way Gil Thorp didn’t add some vodka. Most likely a whole LOT of vodka. Or, just straight vodka with some Country Time mixed in.

    Comment by jvwalt — July 30, 2018 @ 6:28 am

  3. Golf? NOOOOO!!!

    Comment by vaganova — July 30, 2018 @ 7:28 am

  4. I can’t believe they’re going to try to golf in the rain. Put a beatdown on some deadbeat middle schoolers, sure, but not play golf.

    Comment by Downpuppy, Lord of the Files (@Downpuppy) — July 30, 2018 @ 8:13 am

  5. Milford Mudlark Record Book.xlsx thinks that “Don’t bother me with details” is not only Gil’s motto, but Neal Rubin’s as well. The number of depicted games this year was limited, and much of what we did see followed the Secret Pelwecki’s futile attempt to break Joe Sharkey’s Milford High home run record.

    Milford Mudlark Baseball 2018 – 5-1 with 3 unknowns (3-1 with 3 unknowns in the Valley Conference)

    W @ May River – 4-0
    W vs Derby – 5-3
    W @ Tilden – 6-1 (Pelwecki HR (1))
    L @ Oakwood – 2-8 (Pelwecki HR (2))
    ? vs Valley Tech (Pelwecki HR (3))
    ? vs Jefferson (Pelwecki HR (4))
    W ? Madison (Pelwecki HR (5))
    ? ? Madison (Pelwecki 2 HR (7))
    W vs Oakwood – 6-3

    Pelwecki’s quest for Joe Sharkey’s home run record came up just short. He hit 11 home runs, 7 of which we saw. Sharkey’s record stands at 14. Pelwecki states that he is now 3rd on the school’s single season home run list. Second is likely Adam Mundy, who hit 11 home runs depicted in-strip before being kicked off the team for insubordination in late 2002.

    Gil’s baseball record since 2001 stands at 157-78 with 24 unknowns, with a record of 86-50 with 9 unknown in the Valley Conference. His playdown record is 11-5, though the team has not played postseason ball since 2010, where they were one-and-done with a blowout loss to Pennridge (a playdown win that year was always a long shot…) Minus the 1996-2000 years, Gil’s baseball record since 1958 is 655-473 with 7 Valley Conference titles.

    Milford Lady Mudlark Softball 2018 – 2-0 (1-0 in the Valley Conference)

    W @ Newton – 4-2
    W @ Valley Tech

    Another undefeated season for the Lady Mudlarks!… though they have not made the playdowns since 2004 when they were coached by Jessie Jensen. Other undefeated seasons include 2005 (1-0 with 1 unknown), 2013 (2-0), and 2015 (4-0). Mimi Thorp’s career record now stands at 33-19 with 6 unknowns.

    Poor New Thayer… did they disband their baseball and softball programs. They have not faced Milford’s baseball team since 2015, and have not been on a softball schedule since 2013.

    While 27 named characters appeared this season, only 5 of them were new to the strip: Jay Bhatia, Hiawatha James, Nancy Kaffer, School Counselor Dern, and State U baseball coach Delano Colvin. Ms. Dern is the 7th counselor Milford High has had since 2001, joining a line that includes: Marty Moon’s sister Melinda Moon Schmidt, L. or S. Green, Sarah (last name), Ms. Forbes, Ms. Macky, and an unnamed counselor with a pony tail and glasses. Some of these may be intended to be the same people, but none are obviously the same as another. Hiawatha James is Hall Of Name material, I would argue.

    After a short summer break and hopefully (but doubtfully) an action-packed football season, Milford Mudlark Record Book.xlsx shall return.

    Comment by billytheskink — July 30, 2018 @ 9:01 am

  6. Another great historical account by Billy. Great job. I’m a big Country Time lemonade guy. Get the big canister from Sams Club. Drink it almost every day , even in the winter. Sans rotgut.
    Ah yes, 2 weeks of golf plot. Yes, it could be a beat down, but are there any clubs in that bag? My guess is those hoodlums are up to no good. But golf bags in the rain and that’s perfect? Not sure what no good they’re up to.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — July 30, 2018 @ 10:08 am

  7. I have finally found a brand of unsweetened bottled lemonade, after looking for weeks. My attitude is that adding refined sugar to my diet is a bad idea, and I feel the same way about artificial sweeteners that Jenny McCarthy does about vaccination. (Actually I think I have a better case than she does. We have been shown that they don’t cause you to grow antlers after ten years or so of use, but have no idea what they do after twenty or thirty. Asbestos and DDT were long held to be harmless, too.)

    A rising vote of thanks for billytheskink. I have no idea how he sorts this mess out season after season, nor of how he avoids getting out of patience with the rest of us for seeking rulings on past characters and stories.

    Comment by vaganova — July 30, 2018 @ 11:07 am

  8. Not sure what they are up to dragging golf bags in the rain but what I am sure of is that this will be played out into mid October when MHS will start football practice

    Comment by franku2016 — July 30, 2018 @ 1:21 pm

  9. Newman’s Own is pretty good, especially their Limeade, as long as you don’t blow out a flip-flop.

    Comment by Downpuppy, Lord of the Files (@Downpuppy) — July 30, 2018 @ 1:47 pm

  10. P2: “Gil, where’ve you been? The basement? Don’t you know it’s pouring outside, you dumbass?” as Mimi displays her occasional sardonic, bitchy side
    “Mimi, you know I always store the Country Time Lemonade under the power table saw, then mix some with a gin & tonic on the workbench after a long pointless season. So I didn’t watch Al Roker or The Weather Channel.”
    “Gil, that’s no excuse. You can always stash it next to my box of old ’45’s of Donny Osmond and The Partridge Family out in the garage.”
    “Mimi, how the hell do you expect me to keep this lemonade mix at room temperature out there? Go to Milford 7-11 and purchase the 2-ton bag of ice out of the freezer out front? The stuff would spoil and there’d be nothing left of the golf plot.”
    “I can always purchase a fridge at a yard sale. We still have a month before the football kicks into high gear and stinks up September, October, etc.”

    Comment by tdrewhardin — July 30, 2018 @ 2:25 pm

  11. Most of the nicer restaurants where I live have their own homemade lemonades that I often enjoy. I can’t speak to the sugar content question of these lemonade other than to agree with Vaganova’s point that the less of it you ingest the better. Back to those lemonades, I have also enjoyed many variations where they’ve added something (e.g., passion fruit) to mix it up a bit. For her part, my wife is all about the Arnold Palmer, of whom I think she is only vaguely aware that he is an old timey golfer.

    Edited to add: That came across wrong. She knows he’s a golfer but beyond that she just knows him for the drink she likes

    Comment by timbuys — July 30, 2018 @ 11:16 pm

  12. “…Dude…this is perfect…our moms think that we are sitting this shit out in the caddy shack, but we can go hit your old man’s liquor cabinet and call them 13 year old twins from down the street…”

    Comment by franku2016 — July 31, 2018 @ 11:49 am

  13. timbuys, Onno Pomma, as his name was pronounced back in Latrobe, appeared here in 1977 as a favor to the local organizers of a PGA Tour event. He even managed his signature punch shot approaching the 18th green on the final day. He had played very well the first two days but had a poor third round and thus finished his fourth round an hour or more before the leaders. He had flown his Cessna Citation business jet into our local airport, whose runway was barely long enough for his airplane, thus he had to do some calculations and was forced to leave as soon as possible after holing out, before the heat– and thus the density altitude– got worse.

    So there we were ringing the green when Palmer climbed out from runway 3. Play stopped and the place erupted in cheers. I thought for a split second that he might do a victory roll over the clubhouse…

    We often read about how people who appear personable from a distance are actually dickheads in person. Not Palmer. He gave interviews to the smallest local stations and papers, joked with the galleries, signed autographs, posed for photos with fans. He even had time to share memories of Byron Nelson with my elderly mother, who was a fan of both.

    Palmer is sometimes said to be responsible for taking golf out of the snooty country clubs and making it a game ordinary could play and wanted to play. While I am no fan of the present game, I have to say golf could not have had a better ambassador.

    Comment by vaganova's caddy — July 31, 2018 @ 3:03 pm


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