This Week in Milford

August 2, 2018

Remember When Concussions Were A Big Deal In Milford?


Here’s the exposition strip we’ve all come to know and love.  To say Gil isn’t up for this is an understatement, as evidenced by his half-hearted attempt to slit his own throat.

Alright, let’s get down to it.  Nobody’s heard of these two jabronis before because they were soccer players.  As we know in the Thorpiverse, playing soccer gets you nowhere and gives you ideas that you can do other things.  Then again, maybe that’s the concussions talking.  Maybe Heather Burns took one too many balls to the head and that made her think she could be a trainer a tight end The Quarterback Whisperer.  I seem to recall a whole story arc revolving around concussions and their impact.  Oh yeah, that was a football arc.  Since we’re talking soccer here it’s only worth one panel.

The Real Wilson Casey was a star tennis player. This could easily have been a summer tennis arc but that would have warped our fragile little minds.

There have been many Tony Pauls.  I’d like to think this one is a shout-out to the industrial designer, but more than likely it’s to the Detroit News sportswriter, given the Michigancentricity of Rubin’s world.

John Jawor wears the same middle-aged white guy face that Del Bader, Wildcat Maris, Father of True Standish, and countless other middle-aged white guys in Milford have worn.  Wouldn’t it have been more interesting if Whigham had drawn him to look more like the real John Jawor?

On that note, here’s an interview with The Real John Jawor.  Maybe it’ll be more interesting than this August plot. One thing’s for sure: The Real John Jawor would’ve told those kids to keep their elbows straight by now.




  1. People who don’t golf in the rain are wimps. Fifteen year olds who quit soccer because they they got a headache after a header are puds.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — August 2, 2018 @ 8:49 am

  2. Tony’s not qualifying with that flying elbow.

    Comment by vaganova's caddy — August 2, 2018 @ 9:12 am

  3. Many concussions result not from heading but from banging heads when going up for a 50-50 ball. But heading can in fact be risky, especially with younger players. It takes time to learn how to head accurately and safely, and unfortunately, little kids can get their brains scrambled in the process. For this reason, there is a movement to outlaw heading in kids younger than a certain age group. I have joked in the past about my own experience of four concussions, but those were four in which I was rendered unconscious. In those days, if you weren’t knocked cold, you had simply “had your bell rung.” Fun times. That reminds me– did I tell you I’ve had four concussions?

    Comment by vaganova's caddy — August 2, 2018 @ 1:37 pm

  4. P3: “Ren!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
    “WHAT EES EET IT, MAN????????????? I’M TRYEENG TO TEE OAF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
    “Uh, keep your elbows straight when you tee off????”
    “Steempy, a word of advice. DON’T GEEF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!”
    Ren shakes his head, wiggles his little Chihuahua butt, and drops one in the water.
    Smacks his head “STOO-PEED”
    “Uh, Ren?”
    “SHUT THE FORK UP, STEEMPY!!!!!!!!!!!”

    Comment by tdrewhardin — August 2, 2018 @ 2:30 pm

  5. I once had a roommate from St Thomas. He claimed to be a good soccer player and I have no reason to doubt him. He was very good at headers. He asked me to throw a soccer ball at his head in a not very spacious living room. So lamps and breakables be damned, I threw several soccer balls (not all at once) towards his head. Every one came right back at me. About 30 years ago. I bet he still plays. Not golf.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — August 2, 2018 @ 2:47 pm

  6. Heading is an essential part of the game. In the positions I played, it was usually the best way to get the ball upfield to a teammate as the transition took place. The problem is not headers, it’s headers by kids too physically immature to deliver a sharp pass safely by this means. There’s a kind of analogy to the risks involved in Little League pitchers throwing elbow-stressful breaking balls.

    Comment by vaganova's caddy — August 2, 2018 @ 4:50 pm

  7. Yeah, I get it. I just thought it was a funny story to relay. To someone who knows nothing about soccer I thought Henry’s consistent headers was impressive. But I do shudder when powers that be impose rules restricting freedoms that parents should decide for themselves on what their kids can and cannot do. Whether that’s tackle football, soccer or tiddlywinks.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — August 2, 2018 @ 5:29 pm

  8. Absolutely, Jive Turkey. I am taken by the St Thomas story, in fact– I played center back for a time on a St Croix team, on the island just to the south. We often had a terrible time with teams from St Thomas, who were a little ahead of us in the transition to the present “defense first” tactics.

    Comment by vaganova's caddy — August 2, 2018 @ 8:45 pm

  9. 1. Never forget, the ONLY reason Heather quit soccer was because some better players edged her out of the starting eleven, and she thought she had a birthright to start only because she was a senior (it doesn’t work that way), so she decided to walk away instead of, you know, ACTUALLY TRYING TO IMPROVE HER SKILLS OR SOME SILLY BULLSHIT LIKE THAT… You know, like how 99.999999998237% of Milford student-athletes before her have done…

    2. No vacation?? Does Gilberto even have a life of his own? Has any person spent this much of their waking hours surrounded by kids without being eventually outed as a pederast?

    3. What the hell does Gilberto know about golf? I’ve been reading this strip for 4+ years and I’ve never seen him play a round.

    4. So the Milfordverse is in Michigan??

    5. Why aren’t these two mooks doing the First Tee camp or something? I thought that program was created with people like them in mind?

    Comment by hitorque on vacation — August 4, 2018 @ 2:43 pm

  10. […] To shave their final score a stroke? The golfers, teen golfers! Tradition! Not Tony, but Wilson! Concussion! Who must know the way to play a proper game, An honest game, a kosher game? Start a phony […]

    Pingback by Tradition! | This Week in Milford — August 30, 2018 @ 5:45 am

  11. […] ball.)  In our last arc, Gil’s Golfing Gallants had turned to golf as an escape from soccer concussions (well, at least one of them; the other just went along for the ride).  Before that, we had the […]

    Pingback by Freddy Got Fingered – No, Really | This Week in Milford — September 19, 2018 @ 7:07 am

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