This Week in Milford

August 22, 2018

Mr. Scorer Speaks For Us All

Filed under: Gil Thorp, golf, lessons learned, metapost, oversize objects, Pissy faced Gil — teenchy @ 5:35 am



Gil’s doppelgänger has taken the words out of our collective mouths.  There’s nothing Mr. Scorer can do, except have scorers accompany the golfers as so many have pointed out since this whole travesty began.  There’s nothing you readers can do except, well, stop reading.  There’s nothing we bloggers can do except stop blogging keep on keeping on pointing out the ridiculous aspects of the story arc, like the huge talking golf bags front and center in P3.

metapost: robmize, you wanna jump in and run with this ball?

Metapost: Hello gang – I guess Teenchy didnt get the memo about his enforced vacation this week but its ok– I cant get up at 5:35 if my life depends on it, much less to write this blog, regardless of my pre-conceived interest in it. I have more thoughts on this but have to run some errands this morning so I’ll be back this afternoon – hope your all enjoying your beverages — Rob

So I’m assuming Gil is talking to 2 different people in P2 and P3, based on their shirt colors. I dont know which guy has more authority, but after you plead your case with 1 guy, and he says ‘nothing we can do about it’ (damn yes there WAS something you could do about it but you chose not to) why press the issue with another guy? Why think you’ll get a different answer? I still hope these cheaters get their come-uppence but the strokes that were not counted are lost to the ages unless someones out there with a video camera.. oh yeah – Milford You Tube Channel! Where’s ParrotHead when we need him??

Yes its a streaky game. I once hit 10 greens in regulation in a row en route to an 80. Not 1 birdie in that run even though I didnt hit a bad shot for 2 hours. 2 hours hitting it on the screws every time! Imagine..  8 pars and 2 bogeys. I was so locked in I could’ve shut my eyes while I was swinging and put it on the green. Another time I made 3 birdies in a row and rimmed out the 4th try. My score for the round? 91. My hole-in-one round was otherwise uneventful as I shot 98 on a day so hot my mom thought it was too hot for us to go out. We said we’re riding carts. Good thing I didnt listen to mom that day. Another time I made my first 6 putts of the round. I also went 98 straight holes without going into a sand trap. (5 1/2 rounds, but 2 of the courses had no bunkers).  I started keeping track after 2 rounds in a row trap-less; its not something I normally keep track of, if you were wondering. :)

All that stuff above is very hard to do– and it was all a small sample size of the whole round. So you can get hot for a while and still shoot what you normally shoot almost every time.  But again, Gil is shutting the barn door after the horse got away. This is files under ‘lessons learned’ for sure.





  1. I see where this is going. It’s a conspiracy in service of the One Percenters’ spawn who know not the difference between right and wrong but always seem to get away with it. Almost like a subtle commentary on a certain golfing, truth-averse chief executive we all know. Come to think of it, the smirking id in the newsboy cap kinda looks like Don Jr.

    Comment by jvwalt — August 22, 2018 @ 6:01 am

  2. This would be slightly more interesting if it was about a miniature golf tournament.

    Comment by billytheskink — August 22, 2018 @ 7:13 am

  3. 4 dumb teenagers under separate questioning about some of the holes could be broken in 10 minutes, which is apparently too much work for Gil & notGil.

    Comment by Downpuppy, Lord of the Files (@Downpuppy) — August 22, 2018 @ 7:47 am

  4. In P2 I think an “Ease up!” Is in order but instead we get a pud worthy, “It stinks.”

    Comment by Jive Turkey — August 22, 2018 @ 8:27 am

  5. Is P2 a ‘talk to the hand’ moment? I agree with DownPuppy…they would all squeal like the bitches they are if properly interrogated.

    Comment by franku2016 — August 22, 2018 @ 9:16 am

  6. Where on earth did Gil ever get the motivation to follow up on this? So far as that goes, Gil is looking pretty trim these days. It must be the switch to artificial sweeteners in his pitcher of everclear, ice and halved lemons.

    While we’re on the subject of golf, I recently had this view to enjoy for a day or so.

    I picked the room to specifically view the mountain. I had no idea that I would get something like an hour total time watching hilariously inept golfers hack their ways towards the green. Which, although I could not see the specific putts, judging by the time it took people to move onto the next hole must have been quite challenging.

    Comment by timbuys — August 22, 2018 @ 1:09 pm

  7. I’ll just save Thorpiverse the trouble and write next week’s script

    “!0:52AM. There was a bit of a breeze in Milford. The sun was shining like it had for several days. My partner, Bill Gannon, and I were working the Golf Fraud Division this week, especially since they were short-handed. The boss is Captain Pineridge.
    We were on stakeout behind the sugar maple tree on Dog Leg Left #6 par 5 So far, a foursome from the Milford Masonic Temple was all the action we saw so I went to the Port-o-Let by the start of the Front 9 and took a bodacious #1. I could have saved the trouble and went behind the huge sassafras tree by #10 but ladies from the Milford Women’s Christian Union were set to tee off and we had enough trouble on our plate. I didn’t want 1 of them to accost a golf official with my pants literally down. it would blow our cover.

    “Joe, we got a lead.”
    “‘I’m listening.”
    “Look over there. He just shot a triple bogey but he put a 3 in the scorecard.”
    “Are you sure?”
    “Everytime he picks his nose, he does something with the scorecard. I looked through my binoculars. He’s doctoring his score by at least 3 strokes. He shot a 10 on one pin and put down a 4. I know, because he used the weed-whacker to dig out his ball and then 4-putted his ball in the pin.”
    “We can nail him on Section 118, Article 43 ‘Intent to falsify legal documents at a venue of recreation’. Sure looks like a play land around here to me. Then we can pile it on with a heroin-possession charge. Man, nobody could miss the cup 2 inches away.”
    “Ready for action, Joe?”

    Comment by tdrewhardin — August 22, 2018 @ 3:06 pm

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