This Week in Milford

August 30, 2018



Who, on the links, must scramble for the Juniors,
And who just plays golf, no soccer anymore,
To shave their final score a stroke?
The golfers, teen golfers! Tradition!
Not Tony, but Wilson! Concussion!
Who must know the way to play a proper game,
An honest game, a kosher game?
Start a phony tournament and leave the house,
So Mimi’s free to drink the holy grape?
Gil Thorp does, Gil Thorp does! Tradition!
Gil Thorp does, Gil Thorp does! Tradition!
Let’s watch the Valley tournament. They’ve rented a nice tent.
I hear they’ve got some nice trophies. I hope they’re pretty.
Ho-hum, ho-hum! Tradition!
Ho-hum, ho-hum! Tradition!
And who learns how to cheat, learns how to lie and fix,
At Pine Ridge and at Blackthorne? Geez, what a bunch of pricks!
The cheaters, the cheaters! Tradition!
The cheaters, golf cheaters! Tradition!
(apologies Bock and Harnick)
Alright, enough of that.  Skeeters must be biting hard in Milford or else Gil’s pantomiming how much of a pain in the neck he’s become.
I’m truly confused about a few things:  (1) If scorers are tradition! at the Valley Juniors, why aren’t they also at the qualifiers?  (b) How does dude know about the Pine Ridge Boys’ thievery except as hearsay? (iii) Why does dude give a rat’s hinder about what Gil does at his Participation Trophy Invitational?
Gil has to realize he’s not the big man at the Valley Juniors, both figuratively and literally. Just look at that gargantuan couple to his left!
metapost: I’m having trouble with the spacing here today.  Not sure why but then again I’ve never bothered to figure out how to adjust the spacing on WordPress posts. Mea culpa.


  1. Metacomment: I spent some time playing around with it on the editing interface and, keeping in mind my limited HTML skills, couldn’t tell what the heck was throwing off the line breaks like that. It may be something on the WordPress platform itself.

    Back to golf! Nah, it turns out that talking about trying to debug wonky HTML code is more exciting. So, I did notice the presence of lots of div tags all over the place but messing with those and otherwise trying to insert line breaks into the text didn’t work.

    Comment by timbuys — August 30, 2018 @ 7:23 am

  2. Mimi played golf on her college team. She has not been involved in this plot at all. What gives?

    Comment by billytheskink — August 30, 2018 @ 7:40 am

  3. Actually Mimi has been peripherally involved, in those creaking expository passages on the porch, in which she and Gil tell each other things they both already know in order to get details to the reader. But it’s not the worse case of this I’ve seen. That would be “The Patriot,” in which Mel Gibson and Chris Cooper say things such as

    “Do you think Cornwallis will cross here, where the river is shallowest?”

    “Yes, that’s what he did last year. We have 600 men and nine six-pounders in position.”

    “Yes, those six-pounders are valuable, with an accurate range of 400 yards.”

    Etc. Mel, Chris Cooper, Heath Ledger, Rene Auberjonois, Jason Isaacs… That picture was, to paraphrase George S Patton, “A hell of a waste of fine infantry.”

    Comment by vaganova — August 30, 2018 @ 10:19 am

  4. “Scorers are part of the tradition”, uh, you mean like most golf tournaments, Gil?

    You mean to tell us that there was no rules/score official on the course for the Valley Junior QT anywhere, at any time? That they were all just smokin’ & jokin’ at the scorers table by the clubhouse?

    What if one of these young golfers had a legitimate question about the rules?

    Then what? “…oops….I didn’t know that I wasn’t allowed to move my ball away from that tree trunk…”, or “oops…I didn’t know that I had to drop my ball in back of the water hazard rather than after it…”.

    This is so lame…..even the best pros have to confer with rules officials, who are always nearby and watching what’s going on, in the middle of a round at times…

    If that’s the case, I’m surprised that only 8 of these kids, and not all of them, gave bullshit scores.

    Hey, blonde, smart-ass kid! “I hear that you shot a 75….too bad for you…I shot a 73”, and so on ,and so on, and so on…..

    Comment by franku2016 — August 30, 2018 @ 1:33 pm

  5. I read that Northwestern football players have beautiful brand new facility on the lake where they can take naps. NAPS! You heard right. They better be ready for Purdue Pete. He may take a sledgehammer to their sleepy little HEADS!

    Comment by Jive Turkey — August 30, 2018 @ 2:59 pm

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at

%d bloggers like this: