This Week in Milford

August 31, 2018

These Are All Terrible People, Even The Kids


P1: A story from TimP’s own life: Person A did me wrong some time ago. Person B, an erstwhile associate of Person A, learned of this and, while he couldn’t undo the wrong, mitigated some of it. Some weeks later Person B called me up out of the blue and told me all of the terrible things that had lately happened to Person A, thinking I would enjoy hearing about it. I did not. It was all rather sad when taking all of the circumstances into consideration.

P2: Fear of failure can be a hell of a motivator. The problem is that it motivates all kinds of bad behavior. Gil is almost being a good coach by asking an open ended question to such a shitty thing to say.

P3: Feeling like you have to perform especially well because you have to ‘prove’ yourself after getting jobbed can be a hell of a motivator. The problem is…

Cripes, what is in the water in Milford? [Checks notes.] Milford is most likely in the Midwest, probably Central Michigan or Northwest Ohio, so lead. Lead is in the water in Milford. This is why Gil drinks naught but distilled rotgut. He may be stupid, but he’ll be damned if he’s going to get much stupider.

Edited to add: I can’t believe I went back and looked this up but the Milford in Ohio is near Cincinnati, a town I once almost lived in but then got lucky and didn’t. Also, there is a real life Milford Country Club. It is in the vicinity of Boston and has a nine hole par 3 course. Although I’ve visited Boston many times, I’ve never had the opportunity to live there. The last time I visited, it was zero degrees Fahrenheit with 45 mile per hour winds seemingly coming from every direction.


  1. Yeah, Gil never asked these two if they wanted this, did he?

    Comment by billytheskink — August 31, 2018 @ 7:55 am

  2. So, did Gil pronounce it “Eff-Why-Eye,” or did he just say “Fyeee”?

    That’s the most interesting question I have about today’s strip.

    Comment by jvwalt — August 31, 2018 @ 8:31 am

  3. Deserved to be jobbed?

    Comment by Bobby Joe — August 31, 2018 @ 8:56 am

  4. If they really wanted justice about being cheated, they would let the cheaters play in the MI, but have officials on the course so they could kick their ass, fair and square, with witnesses; obviously, they don’t GAF about Gil or his feel-good make-up tournament.

    Comment by franku2016 — August 31, 2018 @ 9:37 am

  5. Fair point, franku, but you have to remember that, at heart, Gil is a colossal dick and setting up his own tourney while explicitly excluding those players came as naturally to him as swimming to a fish.

    Comment by timbuys — August 31, 2018 @ 10:00 am

  6. Gee, I was waiting to see the wailing and gnashing of teeth when the cheaters learned they’d been excluded from the prestigious Milford Invitational. I’m not sure how Rubin is going to fill up 18 panels next week, but the football story can start 10 September.

    Comment by Philip — August 31, 2018 @ 10:30 am

  7. Timbuys, I lived in Boston– actually Cambridge– for a time, and your description of the weather is deadly accurate. A fine day like that will bring them out every time.

    Comment by vaganova — August 31, 2018 @ 12:48 pm

  8. Two notes in response Vaganova: So, that description of the weather is more or less accurate for two consecutive weeks. I was there Monday through Thursday each week. Over the weekend, it snowed so the second week was as cold and windy as the first just now with blowing snow all around.

    As to Cambridge, I have a very fond recollection of visiting some friends of mine there. This was so long ago that, nevermind GPS, it was not considered terribly bizarre not to own a cellular telephone. (They were hideously expensive, didn’t work very well and, most importantly, if I’m not in the office or at home to take your call, why the heck am I gonna want to talk to ya when clearly I’m out doing something.) Anyway, at the end of a ten hour drive, contending with an unfamiliar city and its, uh, aggressive drivers, I got very lost. I stopped by a taxi to ask directions. The very, very nice taxi cab driver volunteered to lead me to their address. He refused to accept payment for his assistance and just bid me a good night. As I say, a fond memory.

    Comment by timbuys — August 31, 2018 @ 2:23 pm

  9. Classic Boston. When I first moved there, I was riding my bike in East Boston, near Logan. I stopped to consult my map to see the best way to get to Charlestown and on to Cambridge. Trucker stopped and asked if I needed directions. I explained my situation and he began to show me the best route on the map:

    “Look for the change from asphalt to concrete right about here and take the first left, here, and (blast of horn from behind) SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS, PENCIL DICK! then you’ll see the bridge ahead. There’s a corrugated expansion joint, so I’d get off and walk my bike.”

    Comment by vaganova — August 31, 2018 @ 2:52 pm

  10. I like the phrase “corrugated expansion joint “.

    Comment by nedryerson — September 1, 2018 @ 4:43 am

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