This Week in Milford

October 1, 2018

What Milford Needs

Filed under: Coach Kaz, Gil Thorp, Prairie Style Windows — nedryerson @ 7:09 am

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First of all, Milford Needs a Punter. Does it though? We’ve already been over this, but Milford has a punter. The coaching staff feels his value as a long snapper outweighs his value as a punter. There is a logic problem in here, but logic is clearly not the strong suit of the Milford coaching staff. But neither is coaching as this whole affair illustrates.

Next, Joe Bolek Used To Be One. Really? When and at what level? He’s been introduced to us as a film nerd obsessed with movies who is presumably not interested in sports. I contend that any random member of the current Milford team, who is already committed to practicing and playing football, could be coached into being an adequate punter and outperform some kid who hasn’t shown any interest in athletics. Again, this illustrates the utter laziness of the Milford coaching staff, who would rather look for a miracle than put an ounce of effort into developing the talents of bona fide student athletes.

Milford coaches are lazy. Shocking, isn’t it?

So, what about this Bagger Vance nonsense? Are we going to keep talking about Bagger Vance? Bagger Vance is a movie that nobody ever needs to talk about again. Nobody has talked about for a long time with the exception of Gil Thorp. Maybe it comes up as a reference to lazy film making. Actually, making a film is very hard and lazy people probably need not apply to that endeavor. Let’s say it’s lazy writing, playing on tired (and problematic) tropes. That’s what I hear anyway. I haven’t seen The Legend of Bagger Vance, and I’m not going to. Also I’m not going to type Bagger Vance again, because I’ve done so so much that he might just appear and try and redeem me. Having done this comics blogging so long, maybe I need redemption but I don’t think I’ll get it from…that guy.

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12 Comments »

  1. I don’t get the Bagger Vance connection either but he should’ve said “…you’re hilarious coach…” and then walked away. Speaking from experience, any kid who tries to join the team after not having to do the grueling the two- or three-a-day preseason practices is subject to abuse from the rest of the team, whether the coach asked him to join or not.

    Comment by franku2016 — October 1, 2018 @ 7:31 am

  2. Gil probably hates Bagger Vance too, as it makes his coaching look bad.

    Scratch that, he probably doesn’t care.

    Comment by billytheskink — October 1, 2018 @ 8:23 am

  3. Actually “The Legend of Bagger Vance” is a very good movie, especially for men who have lost heart. Which includes most of us at one time or another.

    Comment by Richard Jenkins — October 1, 2018 @ 8:52 am

  4. How humiliating for Kaz…he’s supposedly a grown man and damn near blowin’ this kid in P2 to get him to come to FB practice

    Comment by franku2016 — October 1, 2018 @ 9:21 am

  5. From my experience HS coaches usually don’t know Jack about special teams. Coaches were former QB, LB, OL AND DL. Punters and K just happen. They learn or their own and maybe go to kicking camps.
    I remember my senior year in HS we convinced the 6’6 center from the basketball team to go out for punter. He had a part time job at grocery store. No big deal, come to practice when you can. Sometimes he was there only 30 minutes or so. I remember coaches trying to get him to draw roughing the punter penalty in practice. He’d kick and then fall whether anyone was near him or not. 6’6 guy practicing taking a dive. Hilarious. I think coaches thought so too. They’d yell, “Fall!” And he would. Not “Jump!” and get a “How high?”. “Fall!”

    Comment by Jive Turkey — October 1, 2018 @ 10:57 am

  6. So, he said nothing and then what? I guess we’ll find out tomorrow but this has gotta be one of the more half assed cliffhanger strips yet. Nevermind whether the movie in question is good or not, it came out 18 years ago… C’mon, update your references at least a little bit.

    Comment by timbuys — October 1, 2018 @ 1:20 pm

  7. @Richard Jenkins…I’m beginning to lose heart in this story

    Comment by franku2016 — October 1, 2018 @ 2:55 pm

  8. I hope I do not give my fellow Mfnrdians nightmares with this, but I’ve been thinking of the patterns plots have followed in the past. Once, for example, Gil saved a poor football season by bringing back the Wing-T.

    Kind of hoping that we are not about to see Walter Camp’s single wing, which would place Puntin’ Sam at tailback with this new kid training a long snapper. (“It’s just a short pass anyone can make. The only difference is that you’re doing it looking between your feet with the back of your head facing the middle linebacker.”) Somebody’s got to pull this off. Heather Burns is busy with college, and Wally Lamb has a medical practice to run.

    Comment by vaganova — October 1, 2018 @ 5:31 pm

  9. P1 is just FLAT-OUT leaving itself wide open for abuse.
    “Joe Bolek used to be a punter. That was before he enlisted in the Air Force Reserve. Now, he serves one weekend a month, 2 weeks out of the year, plus gets money for college, all the babes he wants, and excitement and adventure. Sure, Joe has it all, a chance to serve his country and should he return to punting, the staff sergeant always gives weekend passes. Find out more and see if you got what it takes…in the Air Force Reserve.”

    Comment by tdrewhardin — October 1, 2018 @ 5:40 pm

  10. Joe Bolek used to be a punter, but for who? Not Milford.

    Kaz has an awkward way with pickup lines, don’tcha think?

    Where’s hitorque when you need him with a well-placed “GOD DAMN IT TO HELL FUCK SHIT PISS TITS BALLS SON OF A BITCH RUBIN THAT’S NOT HOW SPECIAL TEAMS WORK”? Come back, hitorque, we miss you.

    Comment by teenchy — October 2, 2018 @ 4:19 am

  11. Gilberto Tharpe: Ugh… This storyline already sucks bigger donkey dicks than anything I’ve ever trudged through from Rubin… Because nobody, and I mean *NOBODY* likes “Pseudo Hipster Film Snob” -guy… I know this because I’m “Genuine Hipster Film Snob” –guy and I always love to out the posers.

    GT 2: You know, if I was one of the rank-and-file players who was busted his ass in Spring Football, and damn near died of heatstroke during those endless two-a-days in July-August, I’d be pretty fuckin’ resentful of Gilberto’s penchant for giving a varsity letter (and a place in the starting lineup, no less) to some ringer, mercenary, girl or random geek at mid-season every year… Nor would I look too kindly on Gilberto’s compulsion for shuffling positions whenever the wind blows, which means he was paying ZERO fucking attention during Spring/Summer Football…

    GT 3: You know, 99.9% of real coaches would admit their error in judgement and move the ONE player on their team who can punt back to punter instead of kissing a 17-year-old nerd’s ass like his last name was Ball…

    Comment by hitorque — October 2, 2018 @ 8:25 am

  12. teenchy, I SECOND that motion.

    We miss you, hitorque. Get your ass back here(ha).

    AYYYYYYEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Motion carries.

    Comment by tdrewhardin — October 2, 2018 @ 3:12 pm


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