This Week in Milford

October 10, 2018

Kaz Has More Balls Than Joe…


… and that’s all I have to say about that.

Seriously, what kind of bullshit rationale is that for joining the team?  What can Kaz and Gil expect out of this kid Joe?  With such a short attention span, who’s to say Bolek won’t wander off just when the Mudlarks need him to punt a ball away? He can’t even be bothered to stick around to see the end of the game. (Here’s where I break the fourth wall for a moment to ask TWIM‘s unofficial SID billytheskink how many times we’ve been shown a Milford football game without knowing who won.)

I could be bothered to supply a rationale for Joe – for example, he’d seen enough of Milford’s bad, non-Sam Finn punting to know that the team needed him – but why should I come up with an excuse for him? He’s gonna need enough excuses for himself when his teammates stuff him in a locker for not coming out and busting his hump in practice from the beginning of the season.


  1. While they are common in other sports, unknown outcomes are very rare during football season. Milford Mudlark Record Book.xlsx only records three football unknowns prior to this one, two back in the extra-long 2001 season and one in 2015.

    In all these cases, however, Milford Mudlark Record Book.xlsx believes that it is reasonable to assume the outcomes of the unknown games. The Mudlarks were explicitly depicted as being ahead and generally in control of the two 2001 contests (including a 42-10 lead on “V Tech”, a game that occurred just before a 24-28 loss to Valley Tech… and a 14-0 win over the same Valley Tech in a special playdown “conference tournament” which has not been seen since) and it is largely fair to assume they were victories. The 2015 game at Goshen occurred during the Holly Dobbs reality show story arc and was depicted as all of a single punt and Gil yelling the TV crew to stop zooming in on Dory Darwin’s pissyface. It is reasonable to assume that “It’s a long night” indicates a Milford loss. Today’s strip features the most ambiguous outcome of any of these, though with a depicted lead it could possibly be assumed to be a win.

    There is also the case of Tilden being mentioned as a possible upcoming opponent in October 2015 but no game action is ever depicted, no outcome is ever given, and no mention of the team’s overall record ever occurred to give an indication of the outcome of that game or whether it even took place. The mention itself could be referring to another fall sport as Tilden comes up only when Holly Dobbs wishes Mimi “Good luck at Tilden tonight.” (though we haven’t seen Mimi coach in the fall since some volleyball players figured into a 2003 fall subplot). As such, it is not counted as a game, unknown or otherwise, in Milford Mudlark Record Book.xlsx.

    Comment by billytheskink — October 10, 2018 @ 8:38 am

  2. By the way, if we assume this game over Tates Creek is a victory, along with the two 2001 unknowns, then Gil has won exactly 100 games since Milford Mudlark record Book.xlsx begins having game-by-game records in 2001.

    Comment by billytheskink — October 10, 2018 @ 8:48 am

  3. It’s Rock n Roll WEDNNNNNNSSSDAAAAY!!! And not a moment too soon. Today’s band is The Chrome Cranks originally from Cincinnati but eventually settling in NYC. Members include bassist Jerry Teel, drummer Bob Burt, singer/guitarist Pete Aaron and guitarist William Gilmore Weber.
    I’ll call them punk/ garage rockers forming in the late 80’s with most of their recordings in the 90’s. My favorite is a collection of demos called Oily Cranks. It contains one of my favorites called Way- Out Lover. This version is much better in my opinion than the version found on Dead Cool. Other songs on Oily Cranks include Fool on Ice, I Was Sleeping and Come in and Go.
    On the Chrome Cranks self titled check out Subway Man, Doll in a Dress and Darkroom.
    On Love in Exile listen to Lost Time Blues and Hot Blonde Cocktail.
    And lastly on Ain’t No Lies in Blood turn it up for I’m Trash, Rubber Rat, Lover of the Bayou and 50’s French Movie. Check out their other albums at your leisure. They can be found on Spotify or probably whatever music service you have. What I like about Spotify is whatever band you’re listening to they will suggest like bands you may enjoy. That’s how I found Chrome Cranks.
    I don’t think these guys are currently touring but if they get back together, give them a look.
    ROCK ON!!!!!!

    Comment by Jive Turkey — October 10, 2018 @ 8:52 am

  4. So his hobbies are obscure cinema and punting. What a douchenozzle. When he gets into a game, I bet he kicks the ball and saunters off the field, making no effort whatsoever to tackle anybody or even run.

    Comment by John S. Walters — October 10, 2018 @ 11:10 am

  5. Kaz is a douche too…”what swayed you?” ….”Why, your awesome recruiting pitch about watching French movies coach!…that did it!” this jerkoff is able to go out and drop-kick punts all by himself? No wonder they want him. That surely means that he can handle a long snap, possibly erratic, and kick a nice long punt with several opposing players bearing down on him

    Comment by franku2016 — October 10, 2018 @ 11:25 am

  6. Rubin isn’t even trying anymore, is he?

    Lemme guess — Film Snob Asshole is an undiagnosed autistic?

    Comment by Hitorque — October 10, 2018 @ 1:05 pm

  7. @Hitorque, He already did the autistic kicker scenario with Brody Abro (or something like that).

    BTW, who punts footballs as a hobby? I’m gonna go with Joe’s dad being a punter at some place like Colgate a la Heather Burns’ dad.

    Random art observations:

    – The vanishing point in panel three isn’t inked for some reason…
    – Who stole the second B’ off of Kaz’s coffee mug? Looks like they started chipping away at the first B, too…

    Comment by timbuys — October 10, 2018 @ 1:41 pm

  8. Just to add a curveball (sorry) Joe Bolek is starting to remind me of Slim Chance, the singing pitcher, and of various other harmlessly eccentric teenagers who have regularly passed through Mfnrd. But I’m curious why we know so little about his past as a player. With Tiki Touchback we at least know that he came in from New Thayer, explaining the lack of backstory.

    Comment by vaganova — October 10, 2018 @ 2:21 pm

  9. I hate to keep agreeing with Franku but he and John S. make excellent points. Again, in all my years involvement in high school sports as a booster/coach, no kid ran his mouth in the stands while the players ON THE FIELD are workin’ their tails off to win, not having to worry about substantiating his claims (“Rocky V? You mean, you kick like a Roman numeral and jack your jaw like one too?”), THEN leaves to God knows where, either to get an early seat at The Bucket or watch another movie on his DVD player that he rented from Milford Video Club (“Rocky XIX-Rocky Fights Gil For Mimi”) . This is getting sorrier and sorrier.

    And when a kid decided to come out for the team (I ALWAYS left it up to them) , 99% of the time they WANTED TO and had an INTEREST IN THE SPORT. I don’t recall anyone showing up bercause they needed to add more Nerfballs to their collection.

    “Throw in the NerfHoop in Coach Thorp’s office above his personal lavoratory door and his Nerf basketball and I’m as good as on the team.”

    YO!!!!!!!!!! MIMI!!!!!!!!!!! I WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GETCHER ASS OUT HERE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!! WE’RE GOIN’ TA MY PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Comment by tdrewhardin — October 10, 2018 @ 3:47 pm

  10. I never coached football– I was an assistant for a hs soccer team which was nearly always in contention for the state championship. We never tried to talk a kid into coming out– if a kid came to us and asked if we thought he was good enough we’d encourage him to try, but we never recruited anybody. We wanted kids who showed initiative and didn’t have to be talked into making a commitment. And playing on a team is a huge commitment. A couple of times in tryouts we dropped kids who had played the year before but whose attitude had gone slack. As Vince Lombardi remarked, “Winning isn’t the only thing– TRYING to win is the most important thing,” and we did not have room for players who could only produce a 75% effort.

    And yes, that’s what Lombardi actually said. The statement we usually hear is pretty clearly a misquotation. And while I’m at it, Leo Durocher didn’t say “Nice guys finish last” either. He was talking to a reporter, and indicating his team, observed “They’re nice guys. They’ll finish last, but they’re nice guys.” Some sportswriters cannot resist improving on the story.

    Comment by vaganova — October 11, 2018 @ 10:13 am

  11. Agree with vagnova. No room for kids who aren’t sure of even playing or have shitty attitudes. My daughter played HS softball all fours years she attended the school and there was one girl who had been been good enough to be on the varsity player as a frosh, soph, and junior but when she was a senior, she thought that she didn’t have to try as hard as the other girls so the coaches cut her, showing everyone else that past accomplishments are just that…in the past. Let’s see what you can do now. The minute this kid hesitated, Kaz should have just “ahhhh….just forget it…Joe”

    Comment by franku2016 — October 11, 2018 @ 11:30 am

  12. A decent looking football can be had for around $30 per a quick search. Maybe get a job, earn a few bucks and Joe can buy a few more balls. Plus, he then doesn’t have to show up for football practice on the regular and, if he’s ok with the job, he has a source of income that can be used to buy prints of obscure movies and other cinematic bric-a-brac.

    Comment by timbuys — October 11, 2018 @ 1:08 pm

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