This Week in Milford

November 5, 2018

Something Weird

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, Coach Kaz — nedryerson @ 6:44 am


What is happening here? Andre and Joe need to get to the bottom of Tiki Jansen’s tardies! What could it mean? He has to drive in from outside of town!? Say it isn’t so! (Shall we take a look at the Milford HS school district map? No, we don’t have one? Okay, nevermind.)

Joe and Andre chase Coach Kaz through the school and up the stairs! (Is it an optical illusions? Do the stairs go up or down? No? Not buying it? Neither am I…although when they make that turn to climb that next set, they may have some trouble.)

Is Coach Kaz receptive to this type of Scooby and the Gang investigative behavior? I think generally not. He likes to lift weights and tool around with that awesome new film study software, so he probably doesn’t have time for this nonsense. Can he just bang Joe and Andre’s heads together and run away? Stay tuned.



  1. True fact: I lived outside of town but attended the local town’s schools. Crazy, I know. When it came to the time that I was able to drive myself to school, my Corolla always got me there on time*. One of my older brothers had to drive a Tercel when he was going to high school and couldn’t stand that I drove a nicer car…

    * I one time showed up late for class after driving from the local community college to high school in a Miata. The reason I was late? It was the middle of winter, the roads were covered in snow and, despite my Finnish ancestry, I wasn’t yet very good at driving in those conditions in a rear wheel drive car. Attempting to pass another car – why drive slowly on snowy, icy roads? – I managed to spin that thing a good three hundred yards into a meadow by the side of the road, barely missing two rather large trees.

    The class I was late for? English. How did I get excused? The English teacher (she rode a Harley herself**) had me give an impromptu presentation on why I was late in front of the class. Good times.

    ** Why, yes, that is the first, and only, time I read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.

    Comment by timbuys — November 5, 2018 @ 7:28 am

  2. So, are we talking eligibility issues here?

    Also, why do they think he lives out of town? All we’ve learned so far, thanks to our spectacularly inept Junior G-Men, is that Tiki doesn’t live where he says he lives.

    Comment by jvwalt — November 5, 2018 @ 8:48 am

  3. I can’t believe any HS kid worth a shit would GAF about any of this unless they saw someone doing something illegal that might get them in trouble for associating with such a kid.

    Comment by franku2016 — November 5, 2018 @ 10:11 am

  4. 1. Ah… Using an ineligible player?? Gilberto might have to forfeit the two wins he has this season!! This WOULD be juicy after his moralizing “We cain’t have no cheatas ’round heyah!” bullshit during the summer golf arc…

    2. Um… If you don’t know where he lives, how the hell are you certain that he *doesn’t* live anywhere in Milford? Did these two mooks go door-to-door Jehovah’s Witness style?

    3. Because I didn’t get to say it on Friday, I didn’t want to let it pass how much of an Olympic-class douchebag asshole jaggoff Gilberto was in dismissing a player who was trying to tell him something… Oh, and Gilberto? Intentional humor/irony/snark isn’t your thing so please stop…

    4. Help me out here — Why the fuck do kids want to play for Gilberto and Kazuo again? They aren’t competent coaches, they spy on their players, they have repeatedly “drafted” students to play for them even though they didn’t want to, they regularly make roster additions well past the mid-season point *and* immediately insert those kids in the starting lineup after a couple of practices (which COMPLETELY pisses all over the work, effort, dedication and loyalty from players who had been bustin’ their asses since July), they throw their players under the bus after losses and they are 100% indifferent to any personal troubles in their player’s lives…

    Comment by hitorque — November 5, 2018 @ 10:28 am

  5. @franku2016: Remember the Milfordverse isn’t located in the United States, it’s in some alt-reality 1970s version of Communist Poland; where if you aren’t regularly snitching on your teammates, classmates and neighbors, then the secret police start sniffing in *your* direction…

    Comment by hitorque — November 5, 2018 @ 10:33 am

  6. Could Tiki be homeless?

    Comment by Ol'Froth — November 5, 2018 @ 10:41 am

  7. No, if he was homeless, everyone would know, and opposing fans would come to games dressed as wacky Depression-era hobos.

    Comment by Moon Mullins — November 5, 2018 @ 11:21 am

  8. Great work here by our fellow Mfnrdian commentators. But I’m actually curious if Tiki does live in the district, for personal reasons.

    In 1986 we played in the state soccer final (I was an assistant coach.) For the first ten minutes I was madly counting jerseys, because the opponent was so aggressive that I was convinced they had at least fifteen men on the field. They went up 3-0 in the first half, and while we came back with two goals in the second, we lost. BUT it developed after the season that they had five players who lived in other districts, and they had to forfeit the title. So there was no state champion that year…

    Comment by vaganova — November 5, 2018 @ 12:59 pm

  9. The HS where my kids went to outside of Chicago had to forfeit an entire girls basketball season and be disqualified from the playoffs a few years ago because a parent was pissed about all the ringers brought in to live in rented houses taking playing time away from the legitimate students. The coach had his AAU team sneaking into the district. They did stomp everyone and would have easily won a state title too, however these girls were all living in houses rented by the school or possibly the coach.

    Comment by franku2016 — November 5, 2018 @ 2:44 pm

  10. franku2016, there seems to be no end to the cheating in youth sports and school sports. I do hope the coach at your school was executed, as he should have been for setting such a shit example.

    Comment by vaganova — November 5, 2018 @ 4:53 pm

  11. Final week of the arc: After Milford has to forfeit its few wins due to an ineligible player, Tiki and family finally move to Milford. However, ferrying his sister to and from her special ed classes in his beater keeps Tiki persistently late for school himself. Tiki will have removed the cause but not the symptom.

    Comment by teenchy — November 5, 2018 @ 8:42 pm

  12. @vagnova: Yes, the coach was publicly humiliated and dismissed but very quietly rehired a few months later.

    Comment by franku2016 — November 6, 2018 @ 8:34 am

  13. These examples remind me of the question of, if ‘everyone’ is doing it, then can we really call it cheating or is it just the way the game is played?

    On that note, please go out and vote today!

    Comment by timbuys — November 6, 2018 @ 11:45 am

  14. Kaz’ deer-in-the-headlights look is because he just realized that, like Tiki, he doesn’t have to live in milford either.

    Comment by franku2016 — November 6, 2018 @ 12:38 pm

  15. These examples remind me of the question of, if ‘everyone’ is doing it, then can we really call it cheating or is it just the way the game is played?

    Reading your comment of ‘everyone is doing it’ reminded me of a dumb song from grade school, which I now can’t get out of my head:

    Everyone is doing it, doing it
    Picking their nose and chewing it, chewing it!
    You may think it’s funny but it’s snot.

    Comment by Moon Mullins — November 6, 2018 @ 12:43 pm

  16. If it gets revealed that Tiki is actually some 26-year-old con artist trying to re-live some high school glory and bang some underage ass, I’m going to take back some of the things I’ve said about Rubin…

    And this is a fairly common occurrence, sadly:

    Comment by hitorque — November 6, 2018 @ 2:05 pm

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