This Week in Milford

November 14, 2018

Gil’s Next Trick Play: The Tiki Eligible


Kaz can’t conclude that

Tiki eligible, so

Off to the weight room


Then while bench pressing

Bet Kaz wasn’t expecting

Gil to teabag him


There’s no clear-cut call

On eligibility

To keep us guessing


Gil Thorp logic:

“What would our opponents think?”

They don’t have to know


No Urban Meyer

More like Kirby Not-so-Smart

Or next Petrino


Andre Ruffin sez:

“Wish you were playing tonight.”

“The jury’s still out.”


Benched Tiki again?

Didn’t even dress him out?

Why did he show up?


Surely Marty Moon

Has noticed. He should be on

This like white on rice


Through all this shitshow

Where’s the movie buff punter?

Off watching game film?


Is he reviewing

This travesty of a plot?

Give it the finger


  1. Would the Valley Conference officials even care if Gil was okay with this hypothetical star point guard?

    In any event, Tiki isn’t a star point guard, he is an OK defensive back. And even if he were… Gil did not pursue bringing him to Milford to play football and he apparently is not allowed to go to New Thayer high school. What’s the ethical dilemma? That he lost his right to play football because of whatever it was that forced him to leave New Thayer High? Seems harsh without more information to me.

    But Gil is the guy who forfeited games because super-scrub Ira “Brick” House was technically ineligible due to a paperwork snafu (sort of the opposite of Tiki, who is technically eligible via loophole or whatever). Cost them a shot at the Valley title that year. I think by now it is pretty clear that Gil is actively making an effort to avoid the playdowns.

    Comment by billytheskink — November 14, 2018 @ 7:25 am

  2. P4: “get the fuck away from me, douche…if it weren’t for you and movie boy, no one would know jack shit about any of this, but you had to snoop around and then squeal to the coaches like a bitch, so just save it, ok?”

    Comment by franku2016 — November 14, 2018 @ 8:16 am

  3. Philip recently cited the NY public high school eligibility rule, and he was right on all counts. The only escape clause I can think of is that if Tiki were a non-resident paying tuition to attend Mfnrd, he’d be eligible. Naturally, none of us have any idea what the rules are for the Valley Conference. And we don’t have any idea why New Thayer ruled that he “had to go away for a while,” either.

    Comment by vaganova — November 14, 2018 @ 9:45 am

  4. 1. Gilberto and Kazuo are *totally* 100% not gay and not lowkey spying on the raging boner in each other’s sweatpants; they’re just teammates on AND off the field, if you catch my drift…

    2. You know what the sad part is? That there isn’t some kind of regulatory body overseeing high school athletics on the municipal/county/state level that could issue a legal ruling on Tiki’s case, leaving Gilberto+Kazuo to tentatively guess their way through it in the midst of all this homoerotic tension…

    3. So how the hell is Tiki unquestionably eligible to attend school while playing football is a grey area? Besides, Tiki isn’t good enough to be a difference-maker and Milford seems to be on their way to another ho-hum 7-5 season and usual first-round exit in the playdowns, so no opposing coach is even going to give a rat’s ass…

    4. I don’t care; I still want to know where a white dude gets the name “Tiki” from..

    5. Am I the only one starting to miss that stupid smug film snob poseur?

    6. At least Milford isn’t missing Tiki on the field… In keeping with Gilberto tradition, this would be the part where Gil realizes that Tiki is LITERALLY THE ONLY DEFENSIVE BACK ON THE ROSTER and he’d have to start raiding the classrooms or other sports teams for a replacement…

    In other news, Wake Forest got their biggest win in years over blood rival N.C. State… Too bad former Mudlarks superstar Truman Standish is injured for the season and didn’t play….

    Comment by hitorque — November 14, 2018 @ 10:05 am

  5. Gil and his tweety bird arms are sweating more as a spotter than Kaz is as the actual lifter. I’d rather have Barney Fife spot.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — November 14, 2018 @ 10:08 am

  6. Right on the money, hitorque. It would take less time for Gil to check with the SSHSAA (Somewhere State High School Athletic Association) to see what the actual rule is than it’s taking for him and Kaz to ponder hypothetical scenarios. Of course, in a real world high school, all the coaches would be well versed in the eligibility rules because failing to know those rules is the quickest way to go from conference favorites to 0-10.

    Comment by Philip — November 14, 2018 @ 11:45 am

  7. Like it matters. All this kid has done when he was playing is tack on some pass interference penalties. He’s just not that much of a factor. And if his eligibility is in question, why is he even on the sideline and not in the stands?

    Comment by franku2016 — November 14, 2018 @ 3:01 pm

  8. oh no what if we have to forfeit both of our wins

    Comment by Roscoe P. Soultrain — November 14, 2018 @ 3:07 pm

  9. Okay, I’ll swallow the gossip-mongering in P1 which is essentially what it is and the “Gil and Kaz still do macho things even when they’re with Elviny and Loweezy at the gossip fence.” image that Thorpiverse is trying to portray. No tip-toeing through the tulips here. However, is it me or has P3 evoked a sudden Fred Flintstone-to-Barney Rubble perspective? Nah, Barney can’t play, Betty Rubble ruled him ineligible.

    “Can’t you play?????”
    “Nope, Kaz ran my ankles over with the riding mower so I’m out 8 weeks.”

    Comment by tdrewhardin — November 14, 2018 @ 5:39 pm

  10. hitorque @ 4(4): My guess is that white dude got nickname “Tiki” from his initials. New Thayer coach ID’d him as “Thomas” and he introduced himself as “Thomas Kyle. Somehow that turned into ‘Tiki.'”. T.K. were the initials of a well-known bar owner who met an untimely death in my college town. (edited to correct the origins of Tiki Jansen’s nickname. Thanks to TWIMer franku2016. – teenchy)

    Comment by teenchy — November 15, 2018 @ 5:55 am

  11. Back in September when they introduced him, he said his name was Thomas Kane

    (I stand corrected. Will update. Thanks! – teenchy)

    Comment by franku2016 — November 15, 2018 @ 10:06 am

  12. Huh. I don’t know if I care to read the rest of what Marisa Roman has to relate of that story after she included this line:

    “If you’ve never heard of the story behind the murder of T.K. Harty, then this is one read that’ll have you hooked until the end.”

    That is a hell of a lot of distance to put between the story and what the author had just described as a ‘savage murder’.

    Comment by timbuys — November 15, 2018 @ 2:11 pm

  13. @teenchy — So what’s wrong with the old fashioned “TEE-KAY” ??

    Comment by hitorque — November 15, 2018 @ 3:50 pm

  14. @hitorque: I got nothing. T.K. Harty’s was a good bar, though.

    Comment by teenchy — November 15, 2018 @ 4:18 pm

  15. […] time we don’t have to go back a decade and half but only a few months to revisit the tale of Tiki Jansen. You’ll recall Tiki was a New Thayer football player who wanted out of New Thayer because he […]

    Pingback by Old Home Week? More Like Old Home Summer | This Week in Milford — July 5, 2019 @ 8:28 am

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at

%d bloggers like this: