This Week in Milford

February 2, 2019

When Your Loophole Becomes a Noose


Remember bonfires? Pepperidge Farm remembers. Pepperidge Farm also remembers growing up in the country and going to high school in a one-traffic light town where everything you did went down on your permanent record in the court of public opinion, even in the days before the internet.

Without any exposition, we don’t know whether The Gang That Couldn’t Shoot Paint were charged with anything or got off with a warning (maybe ’cause Deputy Dawg went back to huff the spray paint he made the kids leave on the ground). We do know that the blue mafia played telephone with Gil, who’s now fixin’ to make his already bad team even worse.

Again, without any additional exposition we have no evidence that a crime has been committed. Will Gil’s punishment fit the crime? Death Valleys until they puke? Benched for a quarter, or a half, or a game? Do they get kicked off the team just like B/Robby? Really, what’s Gil’s long game here? Kick enough kids off the team to forfeit the rest of the season?

The only bonfire we’ll be seeing hearing is the one the Marty n’ B/Robby Show will be firing up to burn Gil in effigy.


  1. I was really expecting the police to notify the billboard company of the attempted vandalism, and they would tell B/Robby, who would take to WDIG to complain that Gil was trying to silence him …
    Does anyone suppose we’ll ever find out the motivation for all this? Does Howry think that he’ll wind up with Gil’s job? Is this payback for throwing him off the team? Is he still trying to impress Liesl Ishii?

    Comment by Philip — February 3, 2019 @ 9:02 am

  2. I will admit that, one day, an old high school buddy and I learned that county records from our hometown were online. (This was a long, long time ago. Almost as long ago now as it had been since we were in high school.)

    We laughed about it at the time (ah my callow twenties) but in retrospect it is kinda sad how easily we were able to predict whom of our erstwhile classmates would have criminal records.

    Comment by timbuys — February 3, 2019 @ 4:10 pm

  3. Oh, and may I say how impressed I am with Gil’s name calling and public shaming of teenagers.

    Comment by timbuys — February 3, 2019 @ 4:13 pm

  4. Well, while we’re waiting in this Full Metal Jacket moment for the sergeant to single out Joker and his Gil imitation, has anyone noticed the papier-mache basket in the background? I simply HAVE to have one in my driveway.

    Comment by tdrewhardin — February 3, 2019 @ 5:37 pm

  5. The dolts should just quit King Turd’s team and get an intramural team. Probably be more fun than Stewed To The Gils 4 corner offense. What a jag off!

    Comment by Jive Turkey — February 3, 2019 @ 6:23 pm

  6. “You’re all suspended just enough games to keep us out of the playdowns. Early tee time, here I come!”

    Comment by John S. Walters — February 3, 2019 @ 8:17 pm

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