This Week in Milford

February 13, 2019

Never Happy? Are You Kidding? They’re Delirious!


Somewhere on the streets of Milford, an unknown man leaves his dumpy apartment on Poplar for his dead-end job. Maybe he stocks the shelves at McShane’s Hardware, or washes dishes at Schultz’s Polynesian Garden. He’s gotta wring every last drop out of his tired ’90s econobox (maybe a Plymouth Breeze?), so when the steering wheel rubber starts to crumble, it gets covered with one of those lace-it-yourself leather covers from Milford Auto Parts. He’d been saving up for an aftermarket stereo for the beater but bills gotta get paid so it’s still the tinny AM-FM unit for now. It can’t pick up stations outside the Valley so it’s good old WDIG for him. At least he can listen to Marty Moon; that’s one guy whose life can’t be any less miserable than his.

But what’s this? Marty sounds practically giddy on the air this morning! Must be that new kid sidekick of his, Howdy Booby or something like that. Listen to the two of them feed off each other, like a couple of leeches they are. If it wasn’t for Coach Thorp these two jagoffs would have nothing to talk about. You’d think they’d cover college ball once in a while. Wonder how that Miles Standish kid is doing at Wake Forest? Or the one who didn’t talk, like Mongo. Didn’t he go to State U?

Yeah, that Coach Thorp. He’s the straw that stirs the drink in Milford. Wasn’t for him there’d be no media in this tank town. One fewer blog on the intertubes, that’s for sure.

That reminds me: did you ever have the feeling you were being watched?



  1. Boy is this ever a follow the money scenario. Specifically, where does B/Robby find the time and the money to spend on publicly trolling his former high school coach who kicked him off the team for entirely legitimate reasons? I’d also like to know what kind of traffic numbers the Robby Report has been recording since the latest billboard went up. Has it gone viral?

    That B/Robby didn’t include any social media tags or an @ robbyreport InstaSnapBooker account surely has doomed his campaign to irrelevance at MHS itself.

    Comment by timbuys — February 13, 2019 @ 10:18 am

  2. The real reason that these two strokes are allowed to carry on is because of that idiot Ward Cleaver look-alike down the hall thinking that it’s “good radio”. If he knew how stupid these two really are, he’d pull the plug on them and send that geek kid back to his mom’s cheetos-filled basement and MM to rehab.

    Comment by franku2016 — February 13, 2019 @ 10:22 am

  3. Teenchy, I’d LMAO if P1 was McGarrett making a drug bust on the island of Kanai. That’s right, when he and Dan-O and the Hawaiian National Guard aren’t staging a heroin raid 10 feet from a volcano and surrounded by sugar cane plantations, they’re tuned into a Chris Elliott wannabe and Marty “Really ought to know better than to interview someone who truly needs to ‘Get a Life'” Moon.
    At least Elliott is a better shot as a newspaperboy.

    “That’s the last time you say “Gil Was Never Potty-Trained As A Coach And His Playbook Belongs In A State Park Latrine” on a billboard on this island. Book ’em, Dan-O.”

    Comment by tdrewhardin — February 13, 2019 @ 2:20 pm

  4. While it is missing the underlying drama that Moon used to get enjoyably tangled up in, this story arc has featured some classic Moon Gil-sniping, which I do find entertaining. What wonderfully insipid shock jock shlock.

    Comment by billytheskink — February 13, 2019 @ 2:57 pm

  5. If that’s ol’ Gil’s meaty paw in P1 (work with me here, we’re in the Gilmobile), was the scene cut away just before a .38 SPL +P went crashing through the Audio Entertainment System (helpfully labelled RADIO) a la Elvis?

    The story of Elvis shooting his 25-inch RCA color TV is well known, but he also plugged his 1971 De Tomaso Pantera when the Ford 351 Cleveland V8 decided to misbehave.

    Comment by Prof. Anthrax — February 13, 2019 @ 8:09 pm

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