This Week in Milford

May 6, 2019

I’m Starting To Think There’s Not Enough Too Cool For School To Go Around

Filed under: Chunky Bracelets, huge earrings, Prairie Style Windows — nedryerson @ 2:00 am


It’s Monday and that means more cafeteria repartee with Molly Hatcher and the girl we think is probably Nancy. What Nancy didn’t reveal before was that high five from the rando hallway Mudlark did something really weird to her hand, turning it into  flipper with a racing strip. Now that’s what I call too cool for school.

Before we get into the meat of the conversation, let’s take a closer look at the foreground student with the lunch tray. Wow, that salad is piled high in a very shallow serving bowl. It’s quite fascinating. I wonder if she assembled that thing herself from a salad bar or if the salads at the MHS are premade. (Is there an actual salad bar in the cafeteria?) Either way, the way that salad is constructed is too cool for school (TCFS).

We discover that the softball team’s TCFS trend has spread to the rest of the student body. Now random students are sharing details about themselves to members of the softball team with the hopes of being granted TCFS status. Case in point, Milo Daley.

Milo, as we learn is husky and he plays the clarinet. I might argue that that’s more than enough for TCFS status, but maybe my radar for this is not attuned like Molly’s. Somehow, Milo has computed that he is the second best bowler at MHS and he wants to know if that makes him TCFS. I would personally like to know how this ranking is established before I would make a designation, but again, I’m clearly in the dark about how this status is conferred.

I think Molly and probably Nancy should start a podcast called Too Cool For School where they ask students to tweet their unique hobbies or accomplishments to the TCFS Twitter account. Each week, Molly and Nancy (and maybe special guests) will ruminate on the submissions and decide definitively who is and who isn’t Too Cool For School. It would get more downloads than Marty Moon’s This Is What I’m Drinking podcast.


  1. Today’s installment of Gil Thorp is brought to you by Dart Container Corporation, maker of a wide variety of non-biodegradable plastic products — including our colorful, easy-to-use line of drinking straws. Remember: Life without Dart is definitely NOT cool.

    Comment by jvwalt — May 6, 2019 @ 6:45 am

  2. I want to know who the best bowler at Milford High is.

    Comment by billytheskink — May 6, 2019 @ 7:15 am

  3. … and Monday makes seven.

    All I’m getting out of this is that somehow the Lady Mudlarks’ TCFS mantra has leaked outside of the team, and now everybody and their clarinet player is using the term sarcastically. Meanwhile this arc is becoming almost as excruciating to watch as Washington Nationals baseball.

    Comment by teenchy — May 6, 2019 @ 7:46 am

  4. @teenchy….you hit the nail on the head…Milo is actually being a smart ass; if someone really went around the school saying shit like “….hey! I’m the second best bowler in the school!…” he/she would become instant fodder for abuse on social media and YouTube by their peers. The way that kid is described, husky clarinet player, leads me to believe that he’s not too cool for school but perhaps too nerdy for chem club

    Comment by franku2016 — May 6, 2019 @ 9:21 am

  5. I look forward to the day when the details of Milo Daley’s huskiness and musical instrument are relevant to the plot.

    Minus points: Manners, Molly! It is rude and crude to pick your teeth with your straw.

    Random fact: I onetime managed a millennial who, among other things, was a state champion bowler in high school. So, it’s not entirely impossible that Milo would know that he was the second best player in school.

    Comment by timbuys — May 6, 2019 @ 9:27 am

  6. My grandma used to have a plastic bowling ball and pins in her basement . Though I rolled the ball from 10 feet away, I am second to none in basement bowling and even if I was 2nd, I would never admit it. That’s just how I roll.
    These kids need to listen to my favorite band and R&Roll Thursday artist, Local H. They can learn much from the song High Fiven MF and Cool Magnet. Sample line from Cool Magnet: “Whisper in my ear, Cigarettes and beer, They don’t call me cool for nothing!”
    ROCK ON !!

    Comment by Jive Turkey — May 6, 2019 @ 12:35 pm

  7. Milo might be telling these girls about his bad self, but he’s leaving out the part about how there’s only two bowlers in the entire school.

    Comment by franku2016 — May 6, 2019 @ 1:57 pm

  8. […] that praise now they must labour, And it is for us to judge; Band geeks, scholars, stamp collectors, Didn’t get one? Hold no […]

    Pingback by Beasts of Milford | This Week in Milford — May 31, 2019 @ 6:14 am

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