This Week in Milford

May 31, 2019

Beasts of Milford


Beasts of Milford, Beasts of Milford,
Mark the baselines out with lime,
Hearken to my doleful tidings
As I put this crap to rhyme.
‘Cause of skating (or of blogging?)
Linda Carr left on her own,
No one likes to play a scrimmage
In the infield all alone.
Okay to have outside interests,
So said Nancy, that was that.
Then we started winning ballgames,
Then we got these awesome hats.
Then we thought that we were hot shit,
Then we were “too cool for school,”
Celebrating all our interests
Kinda turned us into tools.
Bright will shine our spirit buttons,
And to earn one will be sweet,
Sweeter yet to watch kids grovel
For our praise and at our feet.
For that praise now they must labour,
And it is for us to judge;
Band geeks, scholarsstamp collectors,
Didn’t get one? Hold no grudge.
Beasts of Milford, Beasts of Milford,
Are we guilty of a crime?
Now we’re stuck with weekend reading
So much for our leisure time.

(apologies Orwell but hey, we didn’t drag you into this)


  1. Nice work.

    Also, no victory over Tilden is “big”, Mimi is 8-2 against them all-time. Goshen, the conference whipping boy in most sports has been the softball team’s toughest nemesis over the years.

    Comment by billytheskink — May 31, 2019 @ 7:36 am

  2. Ah, “Animal Farm,” the classic tale of a barnyard critter who earns a volleyball scholarship to a mid-level college but still cannot attain the coveted “Too Cool For Swill” lapel button.

    Comment by jvwalt — May 31, 2019 @ 9:29 am

  3. Oh….so now Mimi is gonna roll the dice and expect A.) that dumb and dumber will actually read this book over the weekend, whether they have “nothing major” or not, and B.) that they will actually get a clue as to why she’s having them read it. Having Mimi use this book as a teaching moment is about as believable that Kaz is knowledgeable enough about world history to teach it.

    Comment by franku2016 — May 31, 2019 @ 9:31 am

  4. “Animal Farm, coach? We read that in 8th grade English class. Four legs good, two legs bad, amirite?”

    Comment by Moon Mullins — May 31, 2019 @ 1:23 pm

  5. To think we could’ve avoided all of this unpleasantness had Mimi simply asked her question in P1 before scheduling that damned scrimmage!

    Comment by timbuys — May 31, 2019 @ 2:08 pm

  6. Good point, timbuys, but then we wouldn’t have this entertaining story to follow.

    Comment by franku2016 — May 31, 2019 @ 3:00 pm

  7. F U coach thorp! Schools out for summer. But we’ll throw it in the end of school year bonfire. Yeah thorp is not capitalized for a reason. But why doesn’t Jacob de Grom?

    Comment by Jive Turkey — May 31, 2019 @ 4:54 pm

  8. Ladies and Gentleman, you’ve been listening to the animals’ version of Das Kapital. The proletariat was played by Porky Pig, Foghorn Leghorn, and Huey, Dewey, and Louie. Mr. Slate took the part of the bourgeoisie.
    Tune in next week when Bugs Bunny matches wits with Napoleon for supremacy of the farm.

    “That, I say, that Napoleon has ADD syndrome. Always Drinkin’ and Drinkin’.”

    Comment by tdrewhardin — June 2, 2019 @ 11:49 am

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