This Week in Milford

June 24, 2019

Why Don’t We Get Drunk And Play Golf?

Filed under: Gil Thorp, golf, Mimi Thorp — nedryerson @ 5:53 am


Here begins the summer plot with Gil and Mimi sipping refreshments on their deck. The adirondack chairs are a nice touch as are the lemon slices on the rims of their drinkware. It’s almost as if the Thorps are in an advertisement for the latest pharmaceutical. Ask your doctor if Whigrub is right for you. Be sure to tell your doctor if you are allergic to bottom shelf vodkas. Stop using Whigrub immediately if you begin to develop range balls or TCFS.

In predictable fashion, Gil and Mimi are discussing Gil’s Summer Junior Golf Program, which Gil does practically every summer after bitching that it really eats into his sitting and drinking related summer plans. It truly does seem to be a ceremonial event, hence the fancy garnish.

The transition to panel 3 raises some questions. Is this Gil and Mimi on the way to the Milford CC to kick off the Summer Junior Golf Program?  Would Gil really be concerned if they (presumably the junior golfers) would “love him”? Would Gil and Mimi be carrying on a playful conversation like this? I don’t know if that fits, so maybe there are other people in the car who have more sensitivity than GilBot and Mimi 2000.

Stay tuned.


  1. In an awkward bit of product placement, the love-starved people in P3 are driving an Audi SUV of some sort. That wouldn’t seem to square with the Thorps’ All-American image, the realities of living in Michigan, or the salary levels of high school coaches. Then again, maybe all the other coaches in the Valley sprung for it to reward the Thorps for tanking so many seasons. Hedging my bet that the Audi is carrying this summer’s heels.

    Comment by teenchy — June 24, 2019 @ 6:17 am

  2. Gil & Mimi are full time teachers, plus coaches & ADs. No kids this decade, living in Mfnrd, on six figures – not poverty. I’m taking my 2nd trip ever to golf on Thursday & fully expect the range to be overrun by all the schoolteachers who don’t have summer jobs as rangers with the NPS.

    Comment by Downpuppy (@Downpuppy) — June 24, 2019 @ 6:23 am

  3. Ned, LMAO at your post today. I have ALWAYS loved your incisive wit, your wit would fit right in with the high officials in the French film “Ridicule”, an Academy Award nomineee many moons ago, that’s how much I really dig your style but today you were in rare form.

    LOVED your Jimmy Buffett title, what a great way to get off on the right foot to lambaste another lame golf plot. I’m seeing this plot go downhill already and your post today was effective and I am still laughing at the title.
    And I liked the disclaimer too. TCFS SOUNDS like a disease. I liked Whigrub, like it’s an OTC product(ha). Man, I wish I’d thought of this disclaimer(ha ha).
    Again, I always enjoy reading your posts but I be rollin’ on this one all day long.

    I look forward to the day when the verandah ceases to become the place where locker-room speeches are exchanged. What happened to the park bench where they were jogging? Or the bus stop presumably nearby? I can see them discussing golf strategy or the fate of a Junior Golfer’s career in their hands before they board Milford Transit. Naturally, they’d have to dump their Country Time Raspberry in a receptacle nearby. No eating or drinking on the bus, Gil and Mimi.

    Comment by tdrewhardin — June 24, 2019 @ 7:55 am

  4. What T Drew said about the post Ned. Good stuff. P3 very confusing. Is that Gil in the hatchback doing his best “Perry Como is Still Alive” from SCTV fame? I certainly hope he’s not driving. I’m sure he’s very tanked in this tank town.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — June 24, 2019 @ 8:23 am

  5. What an interesting spring season for Milford Mudlark Record Book.xlsx, one full of firsts. The first playdown appearance for Mimi Thorp as softball coach, the first season in which the softball team had more depicted games than the baseball team, the first time the long-standing tradition of the baseball lineup card is not shown or spoken, the first spring sports season since the beginning of Milford Mudlark Record Book.xlsx in which Marty Moon does not appear… And as softball took precedence over baseball in the strip, so too will it, for the first time, take precedence over baseball in this season’s Milford Mudlark Record Book.xlsx data dump.

    Milford Lady Mudlark Softball 2019 – 10-3 (8-2 in the Valley Conference)

    W vs Benson 5-3
    W ? Platteview 3-1
    W ? Unknown Conference Opponent
    W ? Unknown Conference Opponent
    L @ Tilden 1-2
    W @ Valley Tech 6-1
    W vs Oakwood 4-3
    W ? Oakwood 5-2
    L vs Madison 2-3
    W ? Tilden “big victory”
    W ? Tilden 6-4
    W @ Valley Tech “rout”
    L ? Wellington 0-1 (playoffs/playdowns)

    This was the first postseason appearance by Milford Softball since 2004, when Jessie Jensen coached the team to an 8-2 record and a first round victory over Garner in the playdowns. The 2019 season’s 10 wins and 13 games are the most ever depicted, both more than the combined totals of the previous 4 seasons (9 wins, 11 games). Mimi’s record as softball coach is 44-22 (30-15 in the Valley Conference, for synergy) overall, with 6 unknowns (1 in conference) and an 0-1 mark in the postseason. She is 6-0 against Valley Tech and 9-3 against Tilden. Goshen’s softball team has not been seen since 2014, New Thayer’s since 2013, and Central’s since 2011. Milford has not won a postseason game in any sport since the 2014 football state championship game.

    Milford Mudlark Baseball 2019 – 2-1 (1-0 in the Valley Conference)

    W ? Burke (“Jay Bhatia shuts down the Burke Bulldogs”)
    L @ Nebraska City
    W vs Jefferson 7-6

    The shortest baseball season on record saw only a single conference game and no lineup card (the only players whose positions were noted were pitcher Jay Bhatia and 3B David Walter). Gil’s baseball record since 2001 stands at 159-79 with 24 unknowns (87-50 with 9 unknown in the Valley Conference) and an 11-5 playdown record. Baseball has not made a postseason appearance since 2010. Gil’s career baseball record since 1958 (minus 1996-2000) is 657-474 with 8 Valley Conference championships and the 2000 state championship. Gil’s win over Jefferson in this season’s lone conference game moves his record against the Jeffs to 7-11 (3 unknowns), still his worst against any conference foe. New Thayer’s baseball team has not appeared since 2015.

    A total of 24 named characters appeared this spring season, not a high number overall though it may seem like that as 17 of these characters were new to the strip (counting the Rally Hippo and the mentioned George Orwell). Top hall of name candidates include Molly Hatcher (too obvious?), Milo Daley, and Rocki Prado. Whereforeartthou Hiawatha James?

    Milford Mudlark Record Book.xlsx will return after the summer session, if there is anything to report during the summer session.

    Comment by billytheskink — June 24, 2019 @ 9:13 am

  6. Leaving p3’s inscrutable cliffhanger aside, why is Gil carping about how work will crimp his enjoyment of the outdoors when he’s teaching golf?

    Leaving Gil Thorp aside, thanks Billy, as ever, for your trenchant analysis.

    Comment by timbuys — June 24, 2019 @ 1:16 pm

  7. P 1.5: both laugh their asses off, as they know that Gil doesn’t really work unless it involves psychoanalyzing and investigating a student with some presumably unknown issue for Gil to stick his nose into.

    Comment by franku2016 — June 24, 2019 @ 1:52 pm

  8. I second Timbuys’ motion. Billy, you never cease to amaze me. Thank you for keeping us updated. It helps set the record straight on what’s what. You have a fan in me, My Friend.

    P2: “…just for the taste of it, DIET COKE!!!!!!!!!!”

    And does Gil have Caesar’s or Aldo’s hand when he’s slurping his vodka(as Ned duly observed)? Oh well, the golf plot begins at the Milford Cineplex with

    “Tee Time on the Planet of the Apes!!!!!!!!!!!”

    Matinee Saturday, all senior citizens and Junior Golf members, with valid ID from Milford Country Club, 1/2 price admission.

    Comment by tdrewhardin — June 24, 2019 @ 2:48 pm

  9. Don’t worry…..when football returns sometime in September, we will get to see more of the likes of Andre, Fillion, Soto, and others to the point of making us miss the girls.

    Comment by franku2016 — June 24, 2019 @ 2:57 pm

  10. The good news is billy’s predictably thoroughly welcome factual update, . The bad news is that there is to be a golf plot. Vaffanculo.

    Comment by vaganova — June 24, 2019 @ 8:44 pm

  11. I meant “predictably thorough and entirely welcome”

    Comment by vaganova — June 24, 2019 @ 8:46 pm

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