This Week in Milford

August 5, 2019

Jorts Law


What the hell is going on here??

If they are going to decide Tiki’s case, they need to apply their policy. The decision and the policy are both subject to challenge, whether they do it in public or not. I guess these guys are just amateurs and they don’t grasp this, or they just aren’t used to Chicago lawyers getting up in their business. Tank townies just bend to their will and Ballard gets paid to be on the school board just by making calls from the offices of Ballard Insurance while Carol calls a meeting once in a while.

What a shit show.



  1. P2-“The best part of waking up/is Folger’s in your

    Uh oh, King Kong is about to pound the telephone into submission after being told by Fay Wray that she’s gonna sue if he falls off the building. I better take cover, somewhere under the desk.

    Full-bearded insurance salesmen who work part-time on Alley Oop with Vulcan coffee mugs and the women who love them, only on the next Geraldo, today at 4.

    Comment by tdrewhardin — August 5, 2019 @ 5:58 am

  2. Haha, I like Mr. Ballard’s angry fist. “I’ll get you next time, Gadget! Next time!” he screams…

    Hadley’s legs in panel 2, on the other hand, are growing like kudzu vines…

    Comment by billytheskink — August 5, 2019 @ 7:18 am

  3. I thought Ballard was actually making an angry-man victory gesture, and that’s his happy face. “YES! This problem will go away quietly, AND I get to violate the Open Meetings Act! It’s a win-win!”

    Comment by jvwalt — August 5, 2019 @ 7:23 am

  4. Three questions for today:

    1. Is Ballard’s fist angry or simply making the “what a wanker!” gesture?

    b. Where exactly does Hadley’s waist begin and end?

    iii. How is it that Ned gets to make a jorts joke and I don’t? ;P

    Comment by teenchy — August 5, 2019 @ 7:36 am

  5. teenchy, I was going to comment on the irregular pelvis, but I was rushed for time. Also, I was really proud of my jorts joke, so I wanted to keep it short.
    I might have missed your jorts joke.

    Comment by nedryerson — August 5, 2019 @ 7:46 am

  6. P3 is like “bitch, if I could punch you through the phone, I would”, however Ballard probably wasn’t around in 2005 when HvB set the precedent of how much of a pain in the ass she could be if she didn’t get her way. Now, with a law degree behind her, she can really throw her weight around. Ballard and Carol will cave, Tiki will play, and MHS will eventually have to forfeit games in which Tiki participated once rival schools figure out that Gil is using a player whose eligibility is in question. That’s what R&W are missing here….it’s not really up to the school board but rather the governing body of HS sports, such as the IHSA in Illinois. Someone needs to tell HvB to piss off and go back to Chicago and take Dr. Douche history professer’ with her

    Comment by franku2016 — August 5, 2019 @ 9:25 am

  7. I agree with Franku, as long as Tiki is properly enrolled, turns in his physical and is passing in 4 solid subjects, he is eligible by High School Athletic Association standards. I think there is a bit of crossing the wires where the storyline implies that the Milford School Board can directly determine his high school athletic career. They can ONLY determine whether he is eligible to enroll at ol’ Mudlark High. Sure, one way or the other, it can AFFECT his playing status but as Franku mentions, the HSAA makes the call on his athletic career. Of course, Gil is too busy golfing to report Tiki’s eligibility to either the School Board or the HSAA, letting the Business Woman(great song by The Church, had to insert) do all the dirty work. God give me the days of Berrill when Gil was involved.

    And why the heck is Nancy Kulp’s sister saying they can’t make a decision on Tiki? Would set a precedent? Nancy Jr., who ELSE is lining up to move into Milford to play for Arnold Palmer On The Fairway When He Should Be Sweatin’ With The Tackling Dummies With The Other Coaches?
    And isn’t that what School Board meetings are for, Nancy’s Cousin. Sure, the Clampetts might look out of place in the back of the meeting room with their jugs and chicken gizzards they ordered from KFC but as long they are tax-paying citizens and don’t disrupt things with their hogs, they have a right to be heard at places LIKE School Board meetings. If you don’t have an attorney smart enough to withstand the petty grievances, you need to shut down the show.

    Shit show, indeed.

    VIVE LE FRANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    “Pepe, you’re out of order. Mr. Leghorn has the floor.”

    Comment by tdrewhardin — August 5, 2019 @ 10:22 am

  8. Yeah, we went through it all back in the fall. In every state I know of, there’s lines on the map to show where the boundary lines for each public school are. You find your house on the map, it tells you which school you go to – unless you decide to go to a private school, magnet school, or home school, and none of those are involved here. Individual principals and school boards do not have room for any judgment calls.
    I did find one thing: in Michigan (where I believe Rubin lives), you can apparently go to a public school outside your district if, at your old school, you were a victim of “… serious assault at school or an assault committed by a student or an employee of the resident district”. Back on 20 November 2018, we were told that Tiki was “roughed up”. So maybe there’s a little bit of a loophole there.

    Comment by Philip — August 5, 2019 @ 1:17 pm

  9. Thanks, Phillip. So our legal eagle did no research and went straight to alternating threats and cajoling a public official carrying out his duties. Class act. Also, whose coffee steams in early August?

    Bonus point: I like the perky, pointy penultimate panel potted pineapple plant.

    Comment by timbuys — August 5, 2019 @ 3:52 pm

  10. I’m not sure but Ballard’s coffee mug looks like it says Allard. Beneath that it may say School Board Honcho. Haxley’s appears to have a heart. I’m sure it says I’m Awesome! somewhere on the mug. Along with Chicago Lawyer. On the bottom it says Made in China by 5 year old. Now there’s a kid who needs legal help!

    Comment by Jive Turkey — August 5, 2019 @ 4:42 pm

  11. Why is it that Jarts are illegal to import or sell, but no such fate has befallen Jorts? Enquiring minds want to know.

    Comment by Moon Mullins — August 5, 2019 @ 11:14 pm

  12. @nedryerson: Turned out I did make one jorts reference, four years ago today.

    Comment by teenchy — August 6, 2019 @ 10:26 am

  13. Plate o’ shrimp

    Comment by timbuys — August 6, 2019 @ 6:24 pm

  14. […] not sure if this unnamed school board lady is the same one Ballard went to when he wanted to make a test case out of Tiki Jansen (in which case her name is Carol), but for the sake of today’s post […]

    Pingback by A Shot of MYOB With a Cup of STFU Chaser | This Week in Milford — October 23, 2019 @ 8:18 am

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