This Week in Milford

March 16, 2020

Popeye Thorp

Filed under: Gil Thorp, Pantheon of Hair, Pissy faced Gil — nedryerson @ 8:59 am


Well, here’s a novel idea: Find out how Chris Schuring did on the test. It turns out he aced it. Why Gil never bothered to ask Mr. Rollins how Chris did initially, we’ll never know.

The whole “investigation” is farcical. It’s also dizzying watching Gil bounce around the school, visiting and revisiting the same people, only finally concluding after a week that Teddy’s story stinks. This proves once and for all that Gil has no official responsibilities outside coaching at Milford High. I guess Dr. Pearl figures if he’s just wandering the hall chitchatting all day, she might as well give him something else to do…and take his time because nobody really cares and everyone in the school knows that Teddy is a douche.

Okay Teddy, the jig is up. What do you have to say for yourself? You ever been to Poughkeepsie? If need be, Gil is prepared to whack you upside the head with a phonebook.


  1. P4:….as Kaz walks into the room with a small electric power supply and battery cables, Gil tells Teddy, as he zip-ties him to him chair….”..yeah…I thought that you might give me some bullshit story like that, Teddy, but we will surely get to the bottom of this before we leave the room …”

    Comment by franku2016 — March 16, 2020 @ 9:35 am

  2. Basketball?

    Teddy sure does like his skull t-shirt. Unfortunately, after dressing himself, Teddy seems to have exhausted his capacity to plan for the rest of the day,

    Comment by timbuys — March 16, 2020 @ 10:10 am

  3. If we’re doing this detective tripe, at least get KAZ PI on the case. Gil badgering a human collection of high school delinquent stereotypes from 1992 doesn’t cut it.

    Comment by billytheskink — March 16, 2020 @ 11:57 am

  4. Yes, billy, this is a job for the Kaz ‘n Kelli team. Is Kaz on the taxi squad or something? I don’t recall seeing him lately, possibly for weeks.

    Comment by vaganova — March 16, 2020 @ 12:52 pm

  5. 1. It’s funny because in an art-imitating-life metafiction moment, Rubin clearly slipped Gilberto a copy of the full storyline and conclusion in advance… And Gilberto is wasting no time skipping to the end because hell it’s time for some baseball…

    2. Even though he had to cheat to do it, this is the best performance we’ve ever seen from “Kommissar Tharpe” and this time he didn’t have to invade someone’s privacy, “accidentally” hack into their e-mails, have one of his players spy on the suspect, or deploy his dependable standby, Communist Romania’s Secret Police…

    3. You’d think the chem teacher would be the one to ask this question, wouldn’t you? He did seem to accept a known scumbag’s word over the top student in school a little too readily.

    4. We’re never going to get an explanation on how exactly that half-assed confession went, are we? “I messed up by accidentally giving last year’s test to a student even though I barely know the guy and he never asked for it and I pretty much threw it at him and walked away satisfied despite demanding for no money or favors in return… And this was AFTER I tried to loudly peddle the same test to another student in a crowded hallway with multiple witnesses… And yes, I did this knowing full well that in trying to ruin the reputations of the top two students in school I was guaran-fucking-teed to ruin myself to a much worse degree in the process…”

    4a. Actually, now that I think about it, Mohawk Kid has a fairly strong “You don’t think I’d be this fuckin’ dumb or go to these absurd lengths, do you??” -alibi…

    5. We’re never going to get an explanation on just how this small change mook grifter even got a library of AP tests in the first place, are we? You’d think that would be kind of important to the administration?

    Comment by hitorque — March 16, 2020 @ 1:42 pm

  6. @timbuys That’s “The Punisher” logo, isn’t it?? Very 1990s, but I see the college kids where I work are all into the 90s shit these days and they act like they re-invented the wheel…

    Comment by hitorque — March 16, 2020 @ 1:44 pm

  7. P 4: ” you felt bad about that but not about that stupid fuckin’ haircut?..”

    Comment by franku2016 — March 16, 2020 @ 1:51 pm

  8. Billy, LMAO off at your comments. I love reading what you write.

    Ned, Looks like Joe Friday is about to wrap this up. I guess, as readers have mentioned, he and Gannon are itchin’ for baseball.
    Where there’ll be more pointless investigations that undermine Sport of the Season.

    Comment by tdrewhardin — March 16, 2020 @ 4:19 pm

  9. What the heck happened to Gil’s neck in P3? I guess it’s a lot easier to shift if down to accommodate the word balloon.

    Comment by timbuys — March 16, 2020 @ 7:00 pm

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