This Week in Milford

April 1, 2020

What’s in the Bottle? Probably a Plot Device

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, freak hands, Gil Thorp — teenchy @ 7:46 am


Ah the heady days of a new season, when anything is possible. In the Thorpiverse, the anticipation of a coherent, realistic plot that manages to deftly incorporate sports as an integral element is always tinged with the lingering dread that Rubin will almost invariably send that plot into a death spiral away from reality in the most convoluted way possible while somehow sticking to the same tired half-dozen or so tropes about teens and adults.

But let’s not kill that buzz too soon, shall we?

Speaking of buzz, whaddaya think’s in The Mayor’s sport bottle?

a. Yogurt and OJ, chia seeds, and a raw egg

2. Vodka and OJ, to bribe Gil into giving him a starting spot on the baseball team

iii. Hand sanitizer (look how far ahead of the curve Rubin’s thinking!)

(d) Straight Everclear, to kill birds 2. and iii. with one stone


Talk amongst yourselves.


  1. I’m sure it’s Coke and Captain Crunch Oops All Berries! Or something of that ilk cuz he’s a wacky dude!

    Comment by Jive Turkey — April 1, 2020 @ 8:59 am

  2. It’s time for a story about a school drunk that’s NOT a parent or a HS sports broadcaster; my guess is that contains some sort of clear alcohol like vodka or gin mixed with soda pop, juice, or a caffeine-infused energy drink, so he doesn’t get tired as fast as he would if it’s just booze alone. This actually makes more sense than a lot of the stories lately; as a card-carrying member of AA myself, I have seen kids come into meetings that haven’t even reached the legal drinking age

    Comment by franku2016 — April 1, 2020 @ 9:10 am

  3. These meathooks get “freak hands” and yesterday’s 6finger didn’t? Really classic tropes today – Ma half behind a door, no lips, diagonal lines on glass
    I bet Whigham found the 50 cents and 6 Proof of Purchase seals to get the full How to Draw Comics. (tdrew, care to weigh in? – t)

    Comment by Downpuppy, still (@Downpuppy) — April 1, 2020 @ 9:47 am

  4. Can’t find rubbing alcohol in my town these days, so I bought a quart of Everclear for wiping things down. I know people drink it, but I can’t imagine how. I’d be afraid I’d come too close to an open flame and blow myself up.

    Comment by vaganova — April 1, 2020 @ 11:20 am

  5. Maybe Mike Knappe is “Da Mayor”. I’ll bet tepid Schlitz Malt Liquor in sports bottle goes down smoooth.

    Comment by nedryerson — April 1, 2020 @ 1:30 pm

  6. It would make for an interesting story if indeed it’s alcohol in the bottle, but I fear it will end up being energy drinks or nutritional supplements, along those lines. And how kids these days should stay clear of the Red Bull! (Which Rubin will probably rename as Brown Pony or something like that).

    Comment by Moon Mullins — April 1, 2020 @ 1:34 pm

  7. Downpuppy, I would have weighed in earlier(ha ha) but I’ve been busy as a bee all day. I had to go pick up The Mayor.

    Oh wonderful. We were expecting a high-profile city official to ride in the back seat of Archie and Jughead’s jalopy and we get saddled with Moose Mason drinking Nutrament out of a baby bottle. This plot’s gettin’ off on the right foot.

    The Batmobile bought from Milford Second Tyme Auto Shoppe(“runs good, A/C not working”) and mystery bottles of Formula-of-the-Month, now there’s a recipe for a successful plot.

    Comment by tdrewhardin — April 1, 2020 @ 4:11 pm

  8. The Mayor…. how long before we start calling him The Douche?

    Comment by franku2016 — April 1, 2020 @ 4:55 pm

  9. Vodka and O.J., funny stuff, Teenchy, My Man. I’ve been laughing most of the evening. You da Man.

    Comment by tdrewhardin — April 1, 2020 @ 7:38 pm

  10. […] some sort of elaboration as to why this is an important plot device. We’ve had little if any indication of Knappe household dysfunction which might manifest itself in Mike’s choice of breakfast […]

    Pingback by Watch Out for That Tree! | This Week in Milford — April 22, 2020 @ 10:22 am

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