This Week in Milford

June 24, 2020

Ladies and Gentlemen, Your Valley Modified Freakazoids!


Somehow the worst kept secret in the Valley is out and everyone with nothing better to do has come come out in full force in anticipation of a pummeling. Gaze in wide wonder at the pantheon of headgear on display: a Kangol cap, a pith helmet, some kind of biker cap along with your usual flatbills. Imagine why pith helmet lady feels the need to record this event. Marvel at the number of baby bottles being held by grown-ass adults. Question about those sketchy figures in the background on the grassy knoll. Try your hardest not the meet the gaze of the child of the corn down in front, who is as incredulous that this has drawn a crowd as you are.

The ex-Mayor of Milford High, ever the attention whore, shows up with team t-shirts, clearly inspired by a cartoon that aired about five years before they were born. (Or not; there could be twentysomethings on that Valley Mod team.)




Who sprung for those shirts? Were they a Valley Mod graphic arts project? Did somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody call in a favor? Talk amongst yourselves.

We know the Mudlarks’ motivation for playing this game, but what was Gil and Kaz’s for letting them play it? Taking Hiawatha James’ “more baseball is better than less baseball” statement as a hint, it could be that the ‘Larks are either already done with their season or have already been eliminated from playdown contention. This really feels like a lose-lose for Milford, no matter whether the team follows the catcher with his H.R. Giger-inspired headgear’s advice or not. At this point, all we can do is sit back, watch the wackiness ensue, and hope for the best that we only have three more strips of this nonsense (my bet is on nine).


  1. They got a break on those shirts, which are seconds from the VMI order.

    Comment by vaganova — June 24, 2020 @ 10:21 am

  2. There sure ain’t shit to do in Milford lately based on the size of the crowd. I’ve seen less people at Wrigley on a Saturday afternoon. They could’ve gotten the shirts from the same guy that made the TCFS pins too. He needs the biz obviously so the mayor was able to bullshat his way into a good or free price. It’s a good thing Kaz didn’t open his mouth the other day too.

    Comment by franku2016 — June 24, 2020 @ 10:35 am

  3. Thanks to all the sun seekers for coming out. They could just as easily sought sun by their ceement pond but chose Gil’s diamond instead.
    Nice jerseys. I know who’s wearing number 1 but who’s got 69? Probably that freakin rebel girl if she shows up.
    Should you go hard? Hell yeah! First pitch goes in somebody’s ear then k the next 21 or however many innings they play.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — June 24, 2020 @ 11:35 am

  4. Well, at least Whigham did not draw the ESPN truck parked alongside the field.
    Of course, the way things are going, ESPN might be willing to show this …

    Comment by Philip — June 24, 2020 @ 12:10 pm

  5. I swan, shades guy in the center is Bobby Howry, shoulda left town.

    Comment by Downpuppy, RFD (@Downpuppy) — June 24, 2020 @ 12:11 pm

  6. I actually *PLAYED* high school baseball and we never had crowds like this… Holy damn…

    And Milford’s all-red makes them look like the Noid from Domino’s Pizza while we’re speeding down memory lane…

    (As an aside, did you know the San Diego Padres first uniforms were modeled directly after McDonald’s employee uniforms? That’s how you pull off cross-marketing…)

    Comment by Hitorque — June 24, 2020 @ 2:08 pm

  7. Philip, WHAT???? No Lee Corso to wear the head of the mascot of the team he thinks is going to win(ha)???? What would a head of a Valley Reject mascot look like?

    “Between my head and my heart, I’m going with my head.”
    Corso dons the head of the Mudlark
    “I’m still not putting Corso on my staff, Kaz.”

    Later, that night, Rodney lights it up at Milford Comedy Club
    “I’m tellin’ ya, I get no respect. All I did was put on the head of the team I thought was going to win. When I dragged a Mudlark visage over my head, the Milford Police booked me for indecent exposure. Hawaii 5-0 even got me. McGarrett said ‘Book ’em, Dan-O’ because the Mudlark was their State Bird and was aldon an endangered species. I tell ya, I don’t get no respect.”

    Comment by tdrewhardin — June 24, 2020 @ 3:36 pm

  8. Gol dang it! Seems to me we got a psychobilly freak out, that’s what it is!

    Comment by Neo-Maxi Zoomdweebie — June 24, 2020 @ 11:03 pm

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