This Week in Milford

January 13, 2021

Tessi, You Are The Only Only Only

Filed under: basketball, huge earrings — teenchy @ 10:25 am

Here we go again with another attempt to make Corina Karenna, the obnoxious girl with an alleged heart of gold, a likeable character. Sympathetic, maybe – that whole mom’s mental health backstory tried to cement that – but likeable? Since when? Since she got the dueling quarterbacks to bring their teammates to her volleyball games and to bury their mutual hatchet with the lure of something other than her mom’s brownies?

Oh, here’s how: by taking down a rah-rah teammate who might not be as much about team as she lets on. In the land that time forgot when I played high school sports I don’t recall ever going over the stat sheets after a game to see how I did. (That’s probably because I usually played positions for which few, if any, stats were kept or, when I did play stat-generating positions, I got so little playing time that I seldom racked up any stats.) In Milford, however, it’s a regular thing and excessive attention to one’s own numbers has been portrayed as a cardinal sin. So “I hate team sports” Corina will make “There’s no I in ‘team’ but there are two in my name” Tessi Milton into more of a team player by knocking her down a peg or two. Just not on this bus ride back from Toledo.

Today’s post title reference is better suited for use during baseball/softball season but how often do we get a character named Tessi(e)?


  1. Yeah, Tessie is comin’ off as a little self-centered but who the fuck is CK to decide to put her in her place? The rest of the team or, God forbid, the coach, should do that, not fuckin’ thunder thighs alone. Unless, maybe CK wants to date her. Rubin hasn’t really tackled the gay athlete angle yet, but CK definitely seems to be leaning that way.

    Comment by franku2016 — January 13, 2021 @ 10:49 am

  2. Oh, but Mimi will be like Gil, she’ll have the bon mot to utter at the end of the season even though she hasn’t done jack squat all season long and Tessi will become “Let’s Play Two” Banks incarnate. And it’s still early January.

    Comment by tdrewhardin — January 13, 2021 @ 11:48 am

  3. Teenchy, P1
    “Hmmmmmm, should I bet on Gil’s Gal or Plot is Shot at Milford Downs? Whattya think, Corina?”

    Comment by tdrewhardin — January 13, 2021 @ 11:58 am

  4. We’re doing it again. This story is just over four weeks old, about the 1/3 mark, and where have we gotten? Rubin introduced some new characters and gave each a quickly recognizable trait, always his strong point. The logical thing to do next would be to establish some sort of conflict – to put at least one character in a situation where they want something pretty badly and are having trouble getting it. Then readers keep coming back to see how it will turn out. And, no progress on that front. I guess it’ll be around February 1st when he’ll recognize that he needs to get a plot moving, and he’ll slam something together just in time to set up a dissatisfying ending.

    Comment by Philip — January 13, 2021 @ 4:11 pm

  5. 1. God, Rubin is doing that “stats without context” bullshit again… Did homegirl go all Kobe Bryant and get 14 points with 0 assists? Did she get 14 points on 5-22 shooting? Did she get 14 points while allowing 40 from the person she was guarding? Did she get 14 points but the Mudlarks only scored 30 as a team?

    1a. My favorite Kobe quote was towards the end of his career when the Lakeshow was pretty much “Kobe Bryant plus four faceless journeymen with expendable cap-friendly contracts…” I think it was Barkley who asked Kobe postgame if he really needed to take 40-something shots, and Bryant replied something like “Did you even see who I had out there on the floor with me? I should have shot the ball 80 times!!”

    2. While I fully agree that Milford needs a moral conscious and a soul, Peppermint Patty damned sure ain’t the person best suited for the role… Or is this one of those “She isn’t the hero we need, but she’s the hero we deserve” -type of deals? I mean, as someone from a not-that-long-ago sports generation, I’m 100% down with players who take it upon themselves to “police the game”, but Patty is getting into some JUDGE DREDD territory…

    2a. You know, for some freewheeling anarchist anti-authority counter-culture fiercely independent lone wolf no rules tomboy punk rocker wannabe badass chick who grew up on the wrong side of the law, Peppermint Patty has a *surprisingly* rigid social and moral code she expects her teammates to adhere to, doesn’t she? I mean, I used to only see this stuff from military, clergy or cops which is more than a little ironic…

    2b. You know, for some freewheeling anarchist anti-authority counter-culture fiercely independent lone wolf no rules tomboy punk rocker wannabe badass chick who supposedly hates structure and coaches and teammates, Peppermint Patty (or maybe I need to start calling her “Brigadier General Georgina S. Patton?”) is the most fanatical follower of the no-one-player-is-bigger-than-the-team concept…

    2c. I do hope to Christ that Peppermint Patty is putting up First Team All-District numbers if she’s going to go down this road… But then again she’s always had a big honking blind spot to her own hypocrisy and Rubin has never been big on consistency in his characterizations…

    3. I don’t care… No way Georgina Patton makes it through this season without at least one knockdown dragout catfight in the locker room (preferably in some state of undress), AND/OR getting on the wrong side of Gilbertina Tharpe and getting her ass sent so far down the end of that bench she’d have to pay roaming charges on her cellphone. Because her little “Invite horny teammates to her home under the pretense of gettin’ busy only to berate them for an hour” -stunt ain’t going to work this time…

    3a. This is the shit that happens when Gilberto and Gilbertina provide ZERO leadership and guidance for their teams, yet don’t even have the good sense to appoint proper team captains…

    3b. And no, the irony didn’t escape me that the same Bitch Queen who took it upon herself to get her titties all up in the business of the football team (without knowing the full story, naturally) and belittled two quarterbacks for causing a rift and supposedly fucking up ‘team harmony’ or whatever is about to start some shit with I presume the most talented teammate on her squad, because reasons…

    3c. But if the two football quarterbacks end up calling out Patty for doing the same damn thing, I’ll take back some of the things I said about Rubin… But let’s be serious here — No school or community would tolerate Patty’s behavior if a boy was doing it…

    3d. Oh and don’t forget — We still have softball season to look forward to, along with another summer of playing catch with 2020 American League Pennant Winner Truman Standish…

    Comment by Hitorque — January 13, 2021 @ 4:18 pm

  6. Is Tessi and Mimi the same person? I can’t tell these Milford broads apart.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — January 13, 2021 @ 4:34 pm

  7. 4. And I forgot to mention this week: Taylor Heinicke, the pride of Old Dominion University (where I used to work) was a freaking warrior out there against Tampa Bay, and I’m proud of him.

    Comment by Hitorque — January 13, 2021 @ 4:35 pm

  8. Yes he was hitorque. And good luck to him in the future. I was very impressed.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — January 13, 2021 @ 5:21 pm

  9. P 2.5: “…did I stutter? I said ’14 points…not bad’…that means if you fuckin mannequins had done the same, we probably would’ve won the game…that’s what I said, bubble butt…”

    Comment by franku2016 — January 14, 2021 @ 10:04 am

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