This Week in Milford

January 27, 2021

Jumping Into the Shallow End

Now we come to the part of a Gil Thorp season arc where the multiple plot lines come crashing together like a Jeep Compass and a pickup truck with a loose CD rolling around in the cab (or a GMC Safari and a Tri-Power Goat). It’s also the part where lines between protagonists and antagonists become a little less clear.

Take the case of Tessi. She’s a bit of a social butterfly, schmoozing it up in the locker room and at The Bucket. Kinda like one of those kids who start out running for student council and eventually end up in Congress. This somehow makes her “shallow” in the eyes of Corina (and maybe some others, if “some people” means “more people than the one person I’m talking to”), yet somehow the fact that the other girls are listening to Tessi recap a Kardashian show ep doesn’t make them equally shallow. Tessi’s less disputable flaw is an inability (or as Corina sees it, an unwillingness) to play defense, focusing more on her scoring and her stat line. Yo, Tessi, blocks and steals show up in the stats too!

About that Corina, then. She’s become Milford’s spunky righter of wrongs who, through the power of sheer snark and playing the new girl angle, managed to settle Gil’s quarterback controversy and increase turnout at Milford volleyball games concurrently. How’s it gonna play with her when Tessi moves in on her turf by suggesting Vic Doucette work the PA system for the girls’ games? Dare anyone else suggest a way to draw more attention to Lady Mudlark hoops? Not even Paloma Padilla and the Milford Pirate Network could do that!

meta: I’m a bit relieved to find out that it’s been reported that Henry Aaron’s death (see Saturday night’s soapbox) was due to natural causes. This, sadly and unsurprisingly, has not stopped numerous people from running with rumor.

meta2: Sorry so late with this post; lost my first draft and got caught up with work.


  1. I think it’s about time for HvB to come back and ask some hard questions like she did back in 2005. Questions like “ why do the boys have a televised game and not the girls?” “ how come the boys get new uniforms and the girls get hand me downs?” Time for her to take up Tessi’s cause with a “ how come the boys get a motivated, witty PA guy but not the girls?” That might even make CK revisit her position

    Comment by franku2016 — January 27, 2021 @ 4:23 pm

  2. You know what? No lengthy rant from me today… I’ve been wearing my fingers out making the same points every day since November and even earlier. It’s a foregone conclusion by now that Patty is a sociopath and a hypocritical bully, that Gilberto and Gilbertina enable this insanity every year because they suck at their jobs, and the only reason why Patty’s classmates/teammates continue to put up with her bullshit after she has none *NOTHING* in seven months to reciprocate her undeserved hospitality and friendship at Milford is because she’s good at sportsball…

    What I need to see tomorrow for once in damn near a calendar year, is some pushback. At least one girl in the immediate vicinity needs to pour a Dr. Pepper on Patty’s head, and at the bare minimum get loud and insult one or more of the following: 1. Patty’s socio-economic background, 2. Her mom’s criminal and mental health record, 3. Her bitchy cynical attitude to all things in life which at first was refreshing, then played out, then toxic, and now radioactive, 4. Her physical appearance and apparent lack of fashion sense, 5. Her utter inability to get a boyfriend or any kind of social life that doesn’t involve teammates… Because right now it really is ‘go time’ and Patty has been crossing the line with impunity for far too long.

    Tessi, you’ll do well to remember the famous words of Nuf Ced McGreevy because you’re not here to mess around at the table of your rival… What I need from you right now is to tie your hair into a ponytail, take off your high heels and any jewelry, slide a layer of Vasoline on your face, and absolutely fucking FLY at Corinna Karenina to tear her smug ass apart like a pack of rabid wolves! Beat her ass down so hard her ancestors feel it back in Poland or Kyrgyz-Belaru-Slovakistan or wherever… YES, there is a possibility Peppermint Patty actually knows how to scrap and perhaps you could take damage or even get your ass kicked yourself — But even if you get your ass whupped, remember that taking a stand against evildoers is on page one of “Doing the Lord’s Work”… Good luck, God be with you, and make us all proud…

    Comment by hitorque — January 27, 2021 @ 4:34 pm

  3. But sadly I know enough about this strip to know Tessi is going to pretend she didn’t hear Patty’s retort and continue to drone on about bringing in Vic the Self-Promoter…

    Maybe it’s only when Patty turns her vitriol against the disabled kid that the school finally sees her for what she is?

    Comment by hitorque — January 27, 2021 @ 4:37 pm

  4. What a dumb ass. Can he play defense? Guys can’t play girl sports. Oh wait…Uhhhhh…Never mind. She’s still a dumb ass though.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — January 27, 2021 @ 5:20 pm

  5. CK is a dick and why was she ever at VM in the first place? Someone needs to do a little ree-search and call this bitch out. Tar and feather her ass and run her out of of town. She’s not entertaining anymore. If she was a guy, someone would’ve put their fist in her face a long time ago

    Comment by franku2016 — January 27, 2021 @ 7:37 pm

  6. So one can be authentic and NOT insufferable, Corinna? Sounds like a good path to follow to me.

    Comment by billytheskink — January 28, 2021 @ 9:24 am

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